My alcoholic husband has been sober for 4 weeks. It's not that he drinks daily, but when he does drink he can't stop. He usually becomes rude and mean to me. He quit on his own because he finally saw what it was doing to our relationship and his life in general. Anyhoo, tonight we're going out to see a concert and he will be drinking he says. I've put up my fight and it hasn't changed his mind. I told him 4 weeks ago that next time he gets drunk and is an ****** I will divorce him without giving it a second thought (even though that's NOT what I want). I'm 31 and need to start thinking about making myself happy and securing my future. So, by him insisting that he will drink tonight, does that mean he doesn't give a crap about our marriage?
2007-01-12 09:01:42 · 17 answers · asked by animal_mother 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Both sides of his family have issues with alcoholism. He refuses to go to AA or counseling. I've been on him about this for over 6 years.
2007-01-12 09:08:27 · update #1
I think it also means you won't be going to the concert. Stand your ground. If he says..."Fine..I'll go myself" then my dear...as much as you may not want to you may have to take the next step.
If he realizes his drinking causes this problem and he thinks he can turn this on and off like a faucet he's wrong. Its either stay dry or stay drunk. however if you choose the latter advise him of the consequences one more time. If he thinks you're joking than your bluff has been called. Now...if you don't follow through on your demand then you'll never make any headway again because he knows you can have your bluff called easily.
So...you have a fine line here to walk. Good luck.
2007-01-12 09:08:01 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation. Except that my guy isn't mean, he's actually really nice. But it doesn't change the fact that you never know what will happen, and the consequences of those actions. Have you joined al-anon? It's for the families of alcoholics. You can join him in certain meetings, and make it a family thing. You have the choice to let the relationship go altogether, or keep fighting for it. That is the hardest part. So far I've chosen to stay and fight together. Hopefuly that won't change. Then he needs to make a better effort, he's not superman, and if he has been strugglign with this for a long time, chances are he needs more support in order to assure a better succes rate.
2007-01-12 09:45:50 · answer #2 · answered by Brandnewshoes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you describe he is an alcoholic whose pattern of drinking is "intermittent" ... better known as a binge drinker. This makes him no less an ******** or less chemically dependent. Alcoholism and drug addiction are illnesses.
I think he informed you he would be drinking tonight because he is absolutely helpless to NOT drink tonight. The 4 weeks must have been extremely difficult for him without any professional help, AA, or any support particular to his using. He must have been climbing the walls to drink. It is called "white knuckling" it. There is nothing you could have done.
What I suggest is that you tell him either he gets into treatment or you will divorce him. He needs professional help. That would be more constructive and give him a better option. Keep in mind he cannot stop without professional help. It's like trying to keep a starving person away from food.
2007-01-12 09:19:02 · answer #3 · answered by morahastits 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I divorced an addict (drugs, alcohol, gambling and sex- they all fall into the same category)!! You are wasting your time arguing with an unreasonable person. He is an alcoholic who will not recover without AA, therapy and a group of people he can confide in. Its a FACT, sad but true! Your idle threats of divorce and leaving him will do nothing if you don't follow through with your actions! Even if you do it probably won't change him, nothing you do is going to change him, ONLY HE can change himself. Sorry to say 4 weeks is nothing it takes 90days to create a habit one year is a success 10 a milestone. You both need help you Al-anon (maybe some counseling too they can help) and he AA and group. God Bless you, you are going to need Him now more than ever you have some serious decisions to make. I stayed for as long as I could I couldn't take it anymore!!
2007-01-12 09:33:43 · answer #4 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time to seriously think about what YOU want and need from life. If he refuses to get help then he isn't even going to take the first step and admit he has a problem. If he sees what it does to you and your relationship and chooses to do nothing then you need to make some serious choices for the both of you, suggest marriage counseling, maybe he will agree and then will be able to make that next step to rehab.
2007-01-12 09:14:47 · answer #5 · answered by jim's girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no. He may have been looking forward to drinking for so long now, tonight is the perfect excuse for him. Since he has quit on his own, he may think he will be fine and that you are overreacting. Since he does not drink all the time, I would ask him to limit himself so he does not make the same mistake he has in the past. If he will not listen I would put my foot down and give him an ultimatum. Either he stops or you will leave.
2007-01-12 09:09:53 · answer #6 · answered by christinedaae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he refuses to get help from anyone, pack your bag because he will only get worst. Drinking get worst the abuse gets worst. He'll start hitting you and then hurting you real bad with good beating. The more they drink the meaner they get. Don't walk , run to the nearest divorce atty. Put a restraining order on him because you can bet your sweet a** he'll come looking for you and beat the holy hell out of you when he is drunk.
2007-01-12 09:18:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he drinks, he's history. End of story. If you said the next time he drinks you'll divorce him, then keep your word. Yep, it means he values booze over your relationship. He didn't QUIT drinking, he only stopped for month.
Leave before you get pregnant and subject children to a alcoholic father.
2007-01-12 09:07:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This sure is a tough situation for sure and not an easy situation.... Talk with him and let him know that you will not go with him if he is going to get drunk but if he agrees to drink just a little then yes let him.... Have you both been to counseling for this yet and is he open to getting help for his drinking???? Was his father or mother alcoholic???? This does not mean he does not love you he just has a sickness he has to overcome.... The more you yell and fight him the worse he will get i believe....
2007-01-12 09:06:55 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
YEs that is exactly what it means.
If you dont do as you said, he will walk all over you.
YOu made your line in the sand and if you dont stand by it you are just asking to be a doormat
If you dont believe me, just go in the phone book and look up the numbers for alanon (the AA meetings for friends and family)
Drop in on one of those meetings with some klennex and say hi to yourself in ten years!
2007-01-12 09:10:33 · answer #10 · answered by onestepbeyond 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋