A question in regards to child support...do I have any recourse?

Question

Long story short...

I knocked up my then current girlfriend in Germany. After a few months, and without the paternity being certain, she left Germany for her home in the mid-west. I never heard from her again.

Then two and a half years later, after I'm married with a child of my own, she contacts me by a court order for appearance in front of our lovely local child support courts.

I have never seen the child, met the child, and the mother will not contact me nor will she return any of my coorespondence. My hands are tied because the child lives in another time-zone, so even if the courts specifically stated visitation rights by all practicality visitations would be impossible.

I refuse to pay money for this excerise in illegal extortion. Is there anything I can do in retaliation?

judgements not needed

Answer 1

Knocked up?
A child of your own?..
If it is your child why not pay for it?
It is men like you that have women thinking all men are scum..
You helped make a child you help pay for YOUR child.

Answer 2

You have to pay child support. If you want a relationship with the child, move. But you can't "not" be the father because it seems to you it's just extortion.....how is wrong what she's doing except morally. Legally, she is within her rights. You had a baby with her...that child is 50% yours. Now you can do the right thing and prove your a real man and pay to help support this child. Or you can do the cowards thing and surrender your rights infront of a judge stating that it's not easy being the father to a child that lives in another time zone. You might find a sympathic child hating judge that agree's.

You want to start a 'fight' or retaliate over paying for a child you didn't obviously want. Some day that kid might come down and want to meet you........you can tell them then what a pain it was being their biological father, with all of the hardships of money and no benefits of visits. Then you might learn from that kid on the hardships of being a kid without getting to see their father......with all the hardships of no visits and all the bonuses of clothing on their backs.

Answer 3

I would request a postponement pending the results of a DNA test determining if you are indeed the true father of the child. If you are not the true father of the child, you can petition the Court to issue a Cease and Desist order against the mother. If you are the father, you could ask the Court for equal custody which would of course cut your support payments while you have custody.

The mother may not want to allow equal custody in which case you could ask the Court to deny support if you can prove that she is capable of supporting the child herself.

Since you did not rape her and you both did not employ protection from pregnancy, she is just as culpable as you in the pregnancy. Birth control or a rubber could have prevented all this.

One question that would have me believing that I was not the father is, if she really felt I was the father, why did she wait 2 1/2 years before wanting the support

Answer 4

It is a court order. The best thing to do is get the paternity test to make sure the child is yours and then try your hardest to not have to pay child support. You could possibly tell the courts that you don't want to see the child and that you want to give up your parental rights. If you want to, that is. The only thing is, if you want to sign away your rights, the courts will only let you do it if there is another male in her life willing to take over the role as the child's dad. There relaly isn't anything that you can do to retaliate, as much as you may want to.

Answer 5

Ok, first, child support and visitation are two different issues. One is not related to the other. Just because you don't/can't have visitation does not remove your financial and legal obligations to the child. If paternity has been established, and a child support order is in place you can hire a lawyer and try to get the amount reduced, but only because of legitimate financial hardship. Expenses for your current family won't be counted. If you choose to disregard the order be prepared - in some states you can be charged with a felony and if convicted, go to jail for failure to pay child support.
If you were not using birth control, you rolled the dice and now you have to deal with it. The idea of retaliation is petty and small. It's not the child's fault that you weren't responsible.

Answer 6

well, the honor system doesnt work, thats why the states and federal gov passed such strict child support laws. they are tired of deadbeats, thats all.

getting angry or complaining about suddenly finding out you have a child doesnt help you, your wife, your other child or the situation at all. it doesnt matter at this point HOW the child got here, but rather what can be done now.

its not easy on anyone involved; not on you, her, the child or your new family.

but to be quite honest, it would be great for both of your children to know each other in this crazy world. it would help both of them in life... if there were some sort of bond.

first, contact your local Legal Aid office. they are in every state and go on a sliding scale, so its free to most people. look in your phone book, call your county court clerks office or your states Bar Assoc for the number. they will let you know what can be done or some ideas to help you.

i would first request a DNA test, to verify the child is yours (i would want to know anyway, child support or not).

i would also request a certain time for you to call (she has to make the child available at those times, at the phone number you are given to call). time zones dont mean anything, just figure it to be a time before bedtime for the little one. she may not adbide by this, but dont give up on the little one because she wants to be an orifice.

i would also request some sort of holiday, summer, etc visitation so that you can get to know your child, if that is what you wish. once the child knows you, you are able to take the child for longer periods of time during vacations, holidays, summer time.

it would be easier for you to have a relationship with the child if you lived closer, but thats not an option, so you have to work with what you have. she should be open to you getting to know your child the best that you can, from such a long distance away.

maybe request some pictures of the child for your family to see and get to know.

maybe send cards once a month or get web cams for the computer.

http://freecycle.org/
http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/calculators.htm

Answer 7

If you are the biological father, you are financially responsible. There is never any way around this. If you lived close and were given visitation rights and exercised them, then the ex moved away, you'd have some recourse to keep the child close, but you would not get any simpathy from a judge with regards to the current situation.

Bottom line is you made this child happen by your actions along with this other girl, you need to sack up and take responsibility. As long as you're paying for the child, take advantage of your visitation as often as you can, as every child deserves two loving parents.

Answer 8

Move where she lives and begin to petition the courts there for your parental rights. If you continue to live in a different time zone, they will continue to have an excuse for you not to see your child. Remember this, no bull: Family courts hate men. Their existance is for the sole purpouse of making womens lives easier at the expense of men and children. They'll come up with a thousand excuses for why you cannot see your child, but it all boils down to misandery. So my best advice is to not give them any excuses. Move there. Contact people every day. Show your relentlessness.

btw, for everyone who thinks they know something about people's "obligations," I am a single, full time father and recieve no assistance or child support. If child support is all about obligations to help children, why are almost no deadbeat women asked to pay it?

Answer 9

You helped make the child, now you have to support it. Makes no difference if you've see it or not. She will have to prove paternity, but if it's you, you owe. Since she lives far away, you can request she pay for your child to visit. I would think you would be more interested in meeting the child you created, instead of just worrying about money! This child is "your own", also!!

Answer 10

Another long story short...
A similar situation happened to my brother. He was messing with a midget (nothing against them, she just happened to be a little person) who was also messing with the whole town.
She got knocked up and my brother was thought to be the father. He stepped up and was with her when the baby was born and even had his name put on the birth certificate. My brother questioned paternity because the child was blond and had blue eyes and my brother has black hair and really dark brown eyes and this girl also had the same.
Anyways, quick and dirty, she filed for child support against my brother and when she did that, she also consented for a paternity test. My brother happily obliged and it was found he was NOT the father and the child support order was therefore dropped.
Moral of story.......take a paternity test!!

Answer 11

If possible, go for a DNA test. There are time limitations on this in certain states, if you knew about the child or not. If you cannot prove the child isn't yours, you're stuck for 15 1/2 more years (at least).