How do you begin to forgive someone you have to see everyday?

Answer 1

I think the first step would be to let your anger out! You have to let it all out so you can forget about it and move on! If you can't face that person with the angry feelings you're having, try writing them down. You don't even have to give them the letter. Sounds cheesy, but it helps!
When I'm really mad at someone I sometimes begin to write an SMS on my mobile complaining from what happened, then I suddenly feel better and don't even send the message!

Answer 2

you don't really have to forgive it just shelve it, if you are talking about someone you work with just stick to wrok related issues you don't have to hang with them. by not letting it go you give them power so take back the power you have gave them and move on.

Answer 3

Everything depends on what you have to forgive them for. It is also important who they are. Is it someone you work with? Is it a spouse, a parent, a child, a boyfriend?

If they are constantly hurting you, constantly undermining you as a person or constantly injuring your self respect, then forgiveness becomes very difficult. If they are also undermining your function - whatever it may be - that is equally serious.

To forgive them in a real sense, they must be willing to correct some of the destructive behavior that has hurt you or given you cause to think about forgiveness in the first place. If they show no signs of change, the forgiveness may not be the most appropriate course of action. It will just licence them to continue with the negative behavior.

If the thing you wish to forgive was a one time thing, forgiveness becomes more appropriate. If it was very serious and has done some permanent damage, then forgiveness is a real challenge. You cannot order yourself to forgive somebody who has really hurt you. It may have to happen gradually. You have to be strong within yourself. You have to be feeling very good about yourself and your position in the world to be able to genuinely forgive somebody who has really done you harm. You have to transform yourself significantly, not so that you become hard as steel, but so that your heart is strong, flexible, warm but no longer able to be duped. It has to see through careless or mean people who seem to be ignorant of how much they can hurt another, or undermine the life of another.

It helps to clean out the original wound or hurt. This just means be sure not to repress it. These things tend to come up and out on their own if you let it. But it is risky to let the anger or hurt fester because it can spread and cause you to lose perspective and efficacy. Then forgiveness becomes harder. You have to get the anger of the injury out, but you also have to replace it with something positive that makes you feel good about yourself - really good. You can't forgive somebody if you still feel like a victim or if you don't feel strong in the world. That borders on masochism that will in time make you feel worse. While you strengthen yourself inwardly , sometimes patience is very important, because you might not find what strengthens you just by snapping your fingers. So you have to be patient with yourself!! That is why it is so important to find something that positively inspires you and in a sense really makes you want to get up in the morning - no matter what you have to face that day.

Finding out what makes you happy; finding what you really love to do, or something that really inspires you - something you really, truly believe in - these help enormously to recover both strength and perspective that creates the resilience to be able to face the person on a daily basis.

To me your question is a huge one that I relate to in a specific and concrete way. One thing I've noticed is that a person who has hurt you badly has often done so without really knowing it fully. The error is deep and they feel it. Often they pay for the error on their own time and you can see how it weakens them. A certain amount of practical compassion for the folly of others even if that folly was cruel, helps to forgive. But you can't force this. It's day-by-day. A little bit at a time. The stronger you become the easier it is to be compassionate and to see how or why they have made these mistakes in human interaction. Some people are cruel or mean because they feel very weak. You must stop them from being cruel to you but you can also recognize their weakness and perhaps why they are being cruel. Compassion is different from pity. Pity is not very healthy. Compassion is something that comes from a strong, broad heart.

It also helps to make a small list of when you yourself have hurt others and why. This helps enormously to identify with the person who hurt you. It helps you to understand how human they actually are and how easy it is for any of us to hurt one another.

Forgiving another can only happen when you have become very aware of yourself and are prepared to stand by yourself, and stand up for yourself. So you have to have some clarity about human nature - and what we all have in common.

Forgiving somebody is not a passive commandment or imperative. It is the result of somebody actively working on themselves: strengthening and improving themselves so that the other cannot get to you and cannot hurt you or humiliate you so easily. If the person you feel you should forgive shows some remorse or the beginning of genuine remorse, then it becomes natural to start to forgive them.

Occasionally this can happen all at once. In my experience if it is somebody you see all the time, a serious hurt will take time to forgive because change will be required before the forgiveness can be real and effective. Otherwise resentment will win the day.

I really hope you find a few ideas here useful. I have been trying to forgive specific people for quite a long time, only because the damage was so great. But at the same time I have had to become aware of how I have hurt others. Forgiving another starts at home. By forgiving yourself it becomes more possible to forgive another in a dynamic way - a way that can bring change. And that change can be liberating for both parties. If you learn that change is impossible, it may be necessary to drop the issue and bring about a greater change so that you can be away from that person. This can take a little time to determine.

Forgiveness is a big one. Finding what you really love, really respect and are really inspired by is just as big. This is the real antidote that lets you forgive naturally, even if it's a gradual process. In the end you still have to be thorough. The 'wound' has to be clean. It is still time that heals all wounds.

B. Lyons

Answer 4

Probably some memories loss issues.

Answer 5

You don't. You deal with them.