how much is too much "self love" for a 14 year old boy?

Question

single mom here... don't want to freak out, but still.. it grosses me out a bit.

What to say? nothing?? something??

How much is doing it to excess?

Answer 1

masterbation?

if it that u are talking about max is 3-4 times a week...

Answer 2

It is a normal, human thing to do. We don't want to think of our children being sexual, in any way. We want them to be our little boys. Unfortunately, they do grow up. The fact that it grosses you out a little is also normal.
If you know about it, he obviously doesn't know enough to be discreet. I would find a male relative, perhaps a favorite uncle to discuss the "birds and bees" in general with him and get him to work into the discussion ways to be discreet, ie wash your own sheets if you make a mess, close your door, don't do it when Mom is in the next room trying to sleep etc... If there isn't a male relative that you both trust, you could put a do not disturb sign in his room and just say it is because he is at an age where he needs privacy sometimes, for a variety of reasons and to use it whenever he feels the need, as long as he doesn't shut you out when he has problems. This would give him the option of putting the sign out when he just wants to read quietly or whatever other hobby he has and he could keep his masturbation private. It would also show that you respect his needs.
I wouldn't worry about "too much". If he is doing it too much, there will be some discomfort and he'll probably slow down on his own, in time anyway.
Under no circumstances would I mention it to him. He'd be mortified! A single mom friend of mine just went through this about a month ago. She mentioned it. He was so embarrassed that his mother knew about that sort of thing! He told his uncle mom's shouldn't know that kind of stuff and it made him feel weird about doing it.

Answer 3

If he's not doing it in front of you then let him be. Its much better those spermies are landing in his undies or wherever than into a 14 year old girl. As a single mom you should already know that. Use his extra hand strength to your advantage by having him open tight jars etc. Don't embarrass him by becoming some perverted voyeur while he's doing his thing.

Answer 4

"self-love" is perfectly normal for a 14 year old boy (or girl, for that matter).

the rule of life is: "no matter what you do, do it in moderation."

so: no matter how frequently he is doing this ask yourself these questions:

is this activity taking up more and more of his thoughts and his time?

have he given up friends, activities he used to enjoy to stay home alone with himself?

has it stopped being something he just enjoys and turned into a compulsion he can't resist?

is he starting to spend a lot of time on the computer looking at "improper" pornography involving children, sadism, painful and unpleasant bondage?

you know good from bad and so does he.

he doesn't need a guilt trip about a normal part of growing up and exploring his new body.

if he knows you are concerned about this
tell him to keep his activities private and within moderation and he can start doing his own laundry.

if he doesn't know you are concerned, no reason to talk about it if he is easily embarrassed. but do tell him he is old enough to do his own laundry.

Answer 5

Don't say anything unless it's so blatant and obvious that you can't ignore it. Anything you say will be between you for years. If it were my son and I NEEDED to say something it would be very indirect and my point owuld be that it's bad manners to let folks know you're doing it.
I don't know what excess would be, but if you're thinking about enough to harm him, that would be an awful lot.
It's a phase, it'll pass. Better self love than getting into trouble with the neighbor girl, eh?

Answer 6

ok, that is gross but it may embarass him alot if u ask him about it.....but ur his mom nd u hav the right so just privatly talk 2 him about it. if he is doing it like, constantly, everyday, almost all the time, then yeah talk to him, but if he only does it like, once a week or sumthing then just dont say anything,its hormones and stuff. tell him to ask a grrl he likes to hang out somewhere,if he finds himself with a girrlfrend then hopefully he's gonna stop. Just try to get him more involved with having a girlfrend it should help.

Answer 7

Stay out of your sons business. This is his body, it's not something for you to have an opinion about or pass any judgements. Masterbation is 100% healthy. A person is only considered a chronic masterbator if that person masterbates when sex is available. This isn't the case for a 14 year old.

So stay out of his business! The last thing we need is another man let loose on the world who had a mother who judged him for being male.

Answer 8

More than once a day ON AVERAGE, in general, is considered excessive. There is no magic number set in concrete, and the frequency isn't as important as behavioral changes. Things are going well unless you see antisocial behavior or isolation. Try and keep him active in hobbies, school or sports, and as long as he's developing in positive, functional ways and interacting with friends, he'll be fine regardless of his personal frequency. And he WILL grow up and move away, if he's worthy of being called your son, so relax and try to enjoy these final years with him at home. And take lots of family pictures. Best of luck.

Answer 9

strange topic.

a couple of times a day is probably excessive. couple of times a week. well. probably more than you want him to do but he's growing up. Shouldn't hurt him physically. As long as there isn't anything abnormal like strange porn or critters i'd leave him alone.
I know it sounds freaky. but it's pretty normal. let's face it, it's something most everybody does occasionally.

Answer 10

Hello =)

Unless he has rubbed all the skin off of his member, and needs medical attention, it's all good.....

Buy him some paper towels or tissues for his room, so he doesn't make such a mess, and it won't bother you as much...Get some rubber gloves when you're picking up his room, if it grosses you out that much......

Otherwise, "turn a blind eye"........You know, and he knows that you know....but the two of you must always (for the rest of his life) pretend that it is not happening.........

Namaste,

--Tom

Answer 11

its semi new to him and thats probably why he is doing it frequently...it's nothing to be alamared about unless he's doing it so much that he gets nothing else done or it interfers with normal everyday life routine.... my question is how do you know when he does it anyways? best of luck the excessiveness will most likely pass so don't get too worried.