My husband and I have been married for two years. At the begining we used to sleep together a minimum of four times a week. About a year ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and as a result i am now ten pounds heavier (120 lbs now) than i was before i got preggers. On top of that my stomach is covered in stretch marks. Now my husband doesnt go to bed when I do and stays up until about 12:30 at night looking at porn on the internet and we have only had sex once a week if i am lucky.
2007-01-12 08:43:11 · 21 answers · asked by GIRL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would feel very offended. I mean he's the one that got you pregnant he should still respect you and your body even if it isn't what it used to be!
2007-01-12 08:47:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Now as you know a lot has changed for you during and after pregnancy. It is the same for your husband he was used to being number and now he finds his time divided. Ten pounds is nothing so its not that he doesn't find you attractive anymore but hes just probably not sure where he fits right now. My guess is you haven't expressed your feelings about the situation because being a male i know if my wife wants to have sex she gets it! and we have had two kids and she has put on more than 10lbs.! My main point though is your lives are changing and you have to be open and honest always!! Being attracted physically is one thing but that's hard to lose, the emotional attachment however can be lost very quickly if nothing is done to maintain it. If possible you need to get a sitter and get out together like when you were dating and keep the fun and enjoyment of love strong. Too often after children they become our first and sometimes only priority and we let ourselves and our relationships suffer because of that. Remember this is the man you love let him know how you feel open communication helps everything.
2007-01-12 16:58:32 · answer #2 · answered by briand128 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married for 2 years and sleeping together only once a week instead of 4? Not good. You mentioned this changed after the baby was born. It might not be you, it might be him. There are guys who find it very hard to make love to their spouses after childbirth. Especially the men that are in the delivery room and see the child being born. making love afterwards is sort of a turn off for them. I'm sure he loves you and doesn't care about your stretch marks or 10 extra pounds. Give it some time or try and get him to try new things to spice it up a little bit. Even try role playing, it might excite him enough that he won't leave you alone. lol
2007-01-12 16:52:22 · answer #3 · answered by Lace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off love sees no flaws. Although this is an aphorism, The meaning is you can still see that a person looks imperfect, but if you are in love flaws wouldn't keep you from wanting to be with that person in that way or any way. Meaning your husband should never be looking at porn over you. Love does not disrespect what two people have toghether which is your intimacy with him. Porno disrespects the sacred intimacy that married couples have with each other because porno comes from lust. Porno can slowly and surely separate. Better nip that in the bud with him and see whats up. Love shouldn't be based on weather you are attracted to that person. It should strictly be based on the connection the two of you have on the inside and the actions from love that set your soul free. That is what should really keep yall going toghether, not weather you are attracted to each other. This is truly what love is: Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not prideful, meaning arrogant and argumentive, it is not rude, it is not selfish, it is not easily angered. Love does not delight in doing wrong, it forgives and forget. Love supports, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always works out, and lasts forever. Notice that all these actions come from the inside of a person.
P.S.Your husband should not be selfish with his time with you. He should really understand what you are going through. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean he should be paying you less attention and spending his time on trash. Go to God sweetheart (pray) trust in him. Try getting him out of that.
2007-01-12 18:14:21 · answer #4 · answered by Shygirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
10 lbs doesn't sound like alot, but how it sits on your body could be an issue. If you were really hot before, and he married a really hot chick, and now you are a mother who needs some work, well I think you see my point. Men are shallow, trust me I know, I am one. We are visually stimulated, and we also expect the woman we marry to stay the same forever. (Unlike women who expect their men to change all the time.)
He also has to deal with sharing you now. Before you were all his, but now you are the babies. Again, shallow and selfish, but true.
What you do not mention is what you have done to a) get back in shape and b) become a wife again and not just a mother. Have you started at a gym to loose the 10 lbs? If the strechmarks are really bad, consult with a plastic surgeon. How many times in the last 6 months have you gotten a sitter so that you and the hubby can go out and have "adult" time? Do you complain that you are exhausted at night, look run down and tired, and then expect him to find you sexy and appealing.
Bottom line is that alot of women become mothers and then expect to be treated like wifes. You need to show him that you want to be sexy wife again. My wife always says that I could not afford a trophy wife, so she had to become one for me. She works out, we go on vacations WITHOUT the kids, she got a boob job, she dresses sexy. She's a wife and a mother.
Good luck. BTW, if you do these things already, or start, and he does not come around, then he's likely never going to, might be time to consider kicking him out.
2007-01-12 16:55:32 · answer #5 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My husband and I just discussed your question..He say's that he doesn't think its the stretch marks. Your husband may feel like your tired, with the baby. You should talk to him. Be very open about your feelings. Tell him to be open with you also. I think a good marriage depends on communication. Also , my friend, He may be on the internet fantasizing about sexual acts he may want to try, but yet on the other hand, He's probably afraid to tell you what his wants and needs are. Don't neither one of you hold out on each other. If you have thought about something sexual you would like to try, then tell him. And visa versa. I feel like some marriages end because sex gets hum-drum. You have to spice it up a bit. Not just the same ol stuff. Tell your hubby, that if he wants to try something new....don't be ashamed to tell you. But, keep it where you both are ok with the topic.
2007-01-12 17:06:16 · answer #6 · answered by Barb V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! It is hard! and don't wish to be in you're shoes! But what i can say is have you try-ed doing exiting new things go and buy sexy Victoria secret attire make him want you. And if you don't feel good about you're self then maybe exercise and drink tons of water to loose that baby fat! And personally people that look at porn make me sick there is nothing like having the real thing looking at you and turning you on!!!
2007-01-12 16:54:34 · answer #7 · answered by biglilone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not having sex with you that is his loss!! Spend this time with your new baby and not the big baby. Ask him what the hell his problem is, if he's having a problem with the gained weight tell him that it could easily be lost. I hope things work out for you, I know I am not pshyciatrist, but i'd like to think that this answer helped you some.
2007-01-12 16:48:50 · answer #8 · answered by 1982 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about how you are feeling. looks aren't suppose to matter if your in love. stretch marks are a fact of life, ten pounds is nothing. try coming on to him see if that works. some men really get addicted to porn so you need to watch for that, it can be unhealthy!
2007-01-12 22:48:44 · answer #9 · answered by chemky1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is attracted to porn more. This could be a problem since he is neglecting you for porn. I suggest you tell him how you feel. And don't but into it when others tell you to watch it with him. Because then you are validating his neglect for you. Some people may not have a problem with porn, but I think this is not the case here.
2007-01-12 16:47:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
From my personel experience after watching my wife give birth it turned me off of sex for a while. Trust me I love my wife some guys just like to see what they don't have. strech marks do fade it just takes time. that don't bother me. And if he is being and *** kick him hard.
2007-01-12 16:51:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋