my boyfriend and i are living together. we are soon to be engaged but im noticing some problems.... a few days ago i come home from school, sick and tired. i had asked my boyfriend to do the laundry that day cuz he had the day off, but he "forgot" so i start carrying the laundry bin down the stairs while he is watcing tv. he makes a comment, why the hell are you doing that alone. i ignored him and continued down the stairs figuring he will come after me and help me, but he never did. is he that braindead that he couldnt realize that i needed his help.... he said that i never asked him to help me and unless i ask, he wont help. who is right and wrong? i want mens and womens perspectives...
2007-01-12 07:15:48 · 12 answers · asked by bar22bie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are going through what every woman goes through with a sorry man. This is as good as it gets while yall are dating. It will only get worse I promise you. And dont have kids with him it feels like you have 1 extra kid. Dont wash his clothes and let him run out on purpose and then when he reacts tell him the reasoning behind it. Tell him that he is a grown man and he lives there too and you cant do it all. You shouldnt have to ask him to do things but we women have too because thats the only way to get help and they halfway do it then. I am going through the same thing with my hubby right now and I have a 4 month old baby so its even harder. I stay so tired all the time because I work 40 at work and then I have the full time job of housework too cleaning, dishes, laundry and paying bills and taking care of our son. They think when they get the day off they dont have to do anything but us women we never get a day off. Remember what you have now is as good as it gets. Good luck!!
2007-01-12 07:26:17 · answer #1 · answered by colee97 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I am the one who forgets the chores and husband takes care of it. BUT, as soon as I realize hubby's doing work, I help him WITHOUT being asked.
If he had the day off, he should have helped. It's not like he had worked to exhaustion and couldn't even get up to help...
Maybe you need to let him know before the engagement, gently, that you would appreciate his help when he sees you working (and that he can expect the same when you see him working). Marriage is about understanding the needs of the spouse. May be point out examples when you have helped him without being asked...
p.s. I do have two almost full time positions and study full time, so I am not home most of the time...
2007-01-12 07:20:05 · answer #2 · answered by Developing Minds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he tells you he "forgot" and you just take over and do it he will let you each and every time. If you dont ask for help most people will not get up and help. That's just the way most people are. Next time tell him now that you've reminded him he can get up and do it. You want to nip this in the bud now before you get married and he is already used to doing this.
2007-01-12 07:24:09 · answer #3 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm answering from a man's perspective and i think he is an asshole, or a spoiled brat. If he loves you and he sees that you are sick and tired he should help you without you having to ask him. But he should have done it during the day if he was off that day.
2007-01-12 07:21:18 · answer #4 · answered by Instant Problemsolver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men want to be needed. My ex-fiance was the same way. You should have just left the clothes there and TOLD him to do it. He didnt forget. He wanted to see your reaction. This will become a habit if you don't stop it now. Let him do what you ask of him. He will take his time, but let him do it.
If you have any other specific questions, just email me. I lived with him for about 2.5 years.
2007-01-12 07:21:52 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a game men play. If they act stupid enough and wait long enough they think someone else will do it. Then it will be...."what are you talking about?" He didn't help because he didn't want to is exactly what it is about! And iif you bring it up again, he will say you are "nagging." Don't think it will get any better, either. I would postpone engagement.
2007-01-12 07:23:03 · answer #6 · answered by bvtina 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he should have gone after you to help you, especially if he had been home all day. If it were you,he would probably say "What did you do all day, since you were home". Tell him he needs to start helping out, if at all just to ask if you need any help.
2007-01-12 07:20:40 · answer #7 · answered by Jacuzzi Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would straighten this out before it leads to problems. Men can be insensitive, uncaring jerks, so I'd nip this behavior in the but before it gets worse and before you get married. It really can lead to problems down the road. Good luck to you.
2007-01-12 07:21:05 · answer #8 · answered by [><] Rebel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
living together before your married is never a good idea. But well as for your question, i think you should have pointed out that he was the one that was supposed to do it, and told him to get his lazy butt off the couch.
2007-01-12 07:21:25 · answer #9 · answered by Air 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck
2007-01-12 07:19:33 · answer #10 · answered by uuummk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋