Both divorced in our 40's - dating on & off since April, but have known each other for years. He found it hard to commit - we never slept with each other cause he only wanted casual sex - i broke it off in late summer - he still calls, but lately the calls are more along the lines of "I miss you", "I screwed up with you", "You are the love of my life", "I am crazy about you". He emailed me the other day and said, "Don't be afraid". Of course the calls seem to come when he knows I am dating other men - he admitted to being jealous of a man i was recently dating. Now he has succeeded in pulling me in again, but I feel him backing away once again - he said he always wants me as a friend regardless of what happens between the two of us. I need a reality check - is this guy for real or just playing with me?
2007-01-12 06:55:26 · 32 answers · asked by born_free_again 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Difficult to say, cakes. I've said things like that when I've meant it, and also when I haven't meant it and was just trying to get some tail. I can tell you how to find out if you want to know.
First, stop the games. Period. Do you really want him or not, or do you not know? It's not enough to know if he wants you or not. Risk the heartbreak if you really want him and risk nothing if you don't... not even your time.
That being said, if and only if you really want him, date him but don't give him any sex at all... NOTHING sexual at all. Just show him the best time you can otherwise. If he sticks around and more than that, if he does the same for you, you have something. If that's not enough, he just wants to rock and roll, if you know what I mean.
2007-01-12 07:03:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In life, sometimes, it's all about time frames and deadlines. There are expiry dates on every product, there should be one on a relationship that is going no where, this man has officially expired.
Non of you are in high school and at this stage in both your lives there has to be a definite maturity level and a basic comprehension of life.This man lacks any type of stability and he will jerk you around till the end of time, if you let him. I think that after you two have known each other, and dated, a decision must be made to suit BOTH SIDES. And it seems that you want one thing while he, well. Who knows what he wants. The most important thing should be you. Sit down with yourself, do some serious thinking and do not put your life on hold for anyone. Date as many people as you want till you either get the ring or you give him the boot.
2007-01-12 07:07:04 · answer #2 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants in life, and after 40, he's a little behind on that. My guess is he's afraid of living and dying alone, and probably realizes he's not a spring chicken anymore, and lets face it, the guy better have it goin on if he has any chance at a decent female, one who is not just looking for a father figure or a bank account. Talk to him and get him to see what he's doing, which is crying wolf every time you dump him. Does he want you or not? And if so, sorry Peter Pan, but it's high time to buy the cow you've sucked all the milk out of already. Commitment only scares guys who feel guilty when they cheat on you. They KNOW they cheat all the time, and don't want that added burden of guilt, which he can ignore if you and him are not married or that "serious"
2007-01-12 07:08:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you gave him his chance now he wants a second chance us men always want what we cant have I'd say if he is really interested then he needs to come clean about what it is that he wants with you. If you want a committed relationship tell him if he wants to be with you then that's what he has to give you..... it sounds like he's dicking around with you and most guys will if you lets them he's prolly not doing it on purpose though make him make a decision de up front and honest about what you want from him he'll respect you more in the long run. The two of you have had plenty of time to play games and all that crap time to make a choice, if he cant deliver then the friendship zone is where it goes tell him not to be jealous and that he doesn't get any more chances
2007-01-12 07:05:57 · answer #4 · answered by <B> 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've got faith he's merely fidgeting with you. Your first pink flag exchange into while he purely wanted casual intercourse. we've all heard those strains and it what it boils all the way down to is he purely needs you while he won't be able to have you ever. The chase is appropriate to adult men. as quickly as he has conquered you, then the chase is over and he gets uninterested in the placement. bypass away this guy on my own. he's taking part in the administration he has over you. there's a great e book talked approximately as, "he's merely not that into you" which will greater advantageous clarify issues. It exchange into written by a guy and that they be responsive to themselves appropriate. I study it and located lots of myself in this e book. If a guy is intense approximately you in any respect then they are keen to make a dedication, undeniable and easy. do not placed some time an ability into some thing that has no destiny.
2016-10-19 21:26:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just tell him what you want. If it's a relationship, then say "Look. Here's what I'm looking for. You're either in, or I'm out. No more of this back and forth." If he can't commit and he doesn't want all that then say "great! Thanks for letting me know where you are! I will not be speaking to you anymore because I need to get over you and move on with my life!" and then wash your hands of him. It's all you can do. Oh, and don't buy into any BS...Example, he says "I'll change". No sweetie, not gonna happen.
2007-01-12 07:00:36 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he does not want anyone else to have you but he is not willing to make the commitment that you need and pulls away when he feels like you need more then he can give. I would end this if i were you it does not sound like a healthy relationship for you.kind of like having a toy you don't feel like playing with so you put it in the closet , Then you see your brother with it and suddenly it is the most important toy in the world to you.
2007-01-12 07:34:13 · answer #7 · answered by loveamouse7767 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man isn't the one for you. He only calls when you are involved with another man. I wouldn't allow that to happen, since he only wants you for a short period of time, and his track record with you isn't the best. Knowing that he only wants casual sex would be a large red flag for me. Move on from him, and if he is saying he wants to be your friend regardless of what happens between the two of you....well then he is not being serious. Who starts a serious relationship saying something like that, no one!!
2007-01-12 06:59:57 · answer #8 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is not worth your time, he had his chance with you and he screwed it up. Does the guy you are with now treat you well and respect you?
He may have changed since you last dated, but I was in that kid of situation....I finally said goodbye for good and stopped contact, we had been friends for 13 yrs and had been on and off throughout that time, but he would never commit
you will find someone who is right for you and treats you how you deserve to be treated, definitly move on
2007-01-12 07:02:05 · answer #9 · answered by Katie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a guy old enough to be your dad and all I can say is I hope you keep the bow rosined because this guy is playing you like a fine violin.
Now cut and run. If you can't do any better than this, join a convent...
2007-01-12 07:17:32 · answer #10 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋