My daughter is a very bright and mature 15yr old that is an honor roll student. She has been "going" with a 16 yr old boy that is a junior in High school and she is only 9th grade. I do not allow her to go on dates and the only place they "go" is school activities, church and hanging out with us parents supervised. The boy gave up his partying to be my daughter BF(Oh and he's a preacher son) but he seems to be on the right track for the 6 months that they have been together.I know he is still a hormonal boy! My daughter and I have talked about saving herself-she assures me she is.
They, and the boys parents, both know how I feel about drugs, sex and alcohol. My daughter has assured me she isn't wanting to pertake in these activities -BUT we all know what the PROM is all about. What should I do? Let her go and Set rules, guide lines and trust them-Or say sorry your just not old enough and and hope "MY" daughter will never do these things and set myself up for a rebelious teen.
2007-01-12 06:53:53 · 32 answers · asked by ROOTER 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
For those of you that suggested doing something else instead of prom. We are from a SMALL town and the prom is a big thing for those that get to go. I've already thought of the do something else thing-and I get "Mom its the PROM!"
2007-01-12 07:06:23 · update #1
I was allowed to go to the prom in 9th grade, however there were ground rules:
1. My parents dropped us off and picked us up.
2. I was not to leave the building unless instructed to do so my emergency personnel or chaperones.
But, hey, I got to go to Prom!
My parents were strict and I am glad they were, now. At the time it was a bit odd, but I am thankful for it now. If you're like my parents, it's not that you don't trust your daughter, it's the boys you don't trust.
If it were my daughter, I would let her go, but with groudrules...probably the same ones my parents used with me...and pray they broke-up before the Prom. :-)
2007-01-12 07:07:45 · answer #1 · answered by turnerzgirl101 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If she is mature let her go. Trust yourself that you have raised her well enough to behave herself and not do the things that you asked her not to do. I come from a small town too and my prom was very well chaperoned. Also if your small town is like that small town that I lived in then if she does do something someone you know will see it and tell you. If she ever does try drinking or drugs though don't freak out on her. (I tried them at 13 and told my mama and she was cool about it and I didn't feel the need to try it again. All I did was try it though. When my sisters tried those things she got mad and punished them and they just kept doing those things. I am now 20 and still don't feel the need to do those things. I drink once in a while for special occasions.) Let her go to the prom though. Also you could let them go out to eat beforehand. Being a small town I'm sure there won't be a lot of things open after the prom so maybe have some kind of small after party at your house that way you will know what she's doing afterward.
2007-01-12 12:28:18 · answer #2 · answered by Dreamer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let her go! Most prom's have a grand march and allow people in to watch (so you could go to watch and see them there) and then maybe say they could have a few friends over for a post prom party at your house. Then you know all is safe and they are doing activities you approve of. Prom is an awesome experience and seriously, not everyone has sex on that night. I don't think I know anyone who actually did (we all had sex before that night or sometime after but that night wasn't a big deal for it, the atmosphere was more for friends and fun!). Prom was seriously a great night for a high school girl! You get the gown and the hair done...you really feel like your in a fairy tale. It was never about sex, drugs or drinking for any of my friends or myself, and your daughter sounds like a better teenager than we were lol! Plus, maybe hire a limo or a car with a driver....then they are NEVER alone, even for drives to dinner and to prom. Plus, have some trust in the fact that you raised a good daughter. Even if his hormones get going, if you have faith in her, have faith in the choices she will make. Good Luck!!
2007-01-12 07:08:00 · answer #3 · answered by angie_laffin927 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely! I'm not a parent, but I remember my own proms and my mother's solution to the issue. Let her go- while the two of them are at the prom, nothing will happen. Teachers will be watching them like hawks, or you can offer to chaperone the dance. Its just an excuse to wear a pretty dress and get her hair done. If you're worried about drugs, sex and alcohol, then offer to host the after-party for the two of them and a few friends (that way, you know exactly whats going on!) or just don't let her go to one. Its the after-parties that are the thing to worry about- at my proms, thats where everything went on. At the actual prom, the teachers watched so carefully no one could've gotten away with it! If you host, you can watch the activities and send the other kids home when the night is over, and you don't have to worry about her getting into anything she shouldn't, because it simply won't be there. My parents threw the afterparties for my proms, and there definately wasn't anything going on but movies and junk food, but we still had a blast.
At her age, you need to start giving her some freedom so she learns to handle situations that may involve things she isn't intrested in- or she'll move out when she turns 18 and have no idea what to do! You can definately work it out, though, so there is no oppurtunity for that sort of thing at her prom. You both end up happy- she gets a degree of freedom, and you still get to monitor whats going on so nothing happens.
I'd say definately let her go. Its an experience she will remember for a lifetime, and you can definately work it out so nothing will happen. Good luck, and let me know if you have any specific questions. I hope this helped!
2007-01-12 07:46:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advise is let her go and trust her, maybe tell her the time she should be back home but you should only trust her desitions. Prom is not always about that and if the guy is a preacher's son, he probably has some morals. Plus, your daughter has been a good girl and is a great student, she deserves to go to Prom. At the end of the day, wether she saves herself or not, is her choice, and if she decided not to, she could do it any other day,not necessarily prom day. I find when parents trust their daughters and let them know that, we as daughers always think about that respect and don't want to disappoint them, whereas when parents don't trust the kids and don't let them do things most other kids do that is normal to their age, we get pissed off and won't really care.
2007-01-12 08:07:32 · answer #5 · answered by theaccentgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust you daughter for goodness sake! The prom isn't some event where all teenage girls lose there virginity for crying out loud, and it's stupied to think that. If you say you're daughter is responsible and bright and you've set up the right kind of boundaries for her, let her have some space and go to the prom with her bf. If you don't start trusting your daughter and don't start giving her some freedom it'll bite you on the butt! Let her be a teenager.
2007-01-12 07:11:44 · answer #6 · answered by Lena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already answered your own question "My daughter is a very bright and mature 15yr old that is an honor roll student". Your daughter has earned your trust and respect. You have raised her with good morals and values give her a chance to use them! Besides if she is so inclined the PROM is not her only opportunity for those things. Trust her to do the right thing.....that goes much further than punnishing her for something she hasn't done and perhaps never thought of doing.......Lots of kids rebel when they belive that their parents believe they have or will do it so why not they are already being punnished for it anyway!
Good Luck!
2007-01-12 07:28:57 · answer #7 · answered by looneybinexpress 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if it makes you feel any better..... I went to the prom in 1989 I was a freshman my date was a senior ( ok was just a friend not a boyfriend ) but I didnt doing anything wrong and was home before curfeau with only a peck on the cheek ...... here it is 18 years later we have married for a year together for six after years of going off our own way... If you say all those wonderful things about your daughter let her prove them to you .... she will be fine have fun with her........she wont let you down good luck ... I HAVE A 13 YEAR OLD SO I FEEL FOR YOU!!!!
2007-01-12 07:40:38 · answer #8 · answered by TT5621 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go. It sounds like both she and the boyfriend have earned it. There will plenty of supervision at the dance. But give her a curfew of say, midnight (it is prom after all). Since she is only 15 midnight is late enough for her to be out, even on this special occasion.
This is a fair compromise--you both get what you want--she gets the prom and you get peace of mind.
Give yourself a pat on the back for raising such a fine daughter!
2007-01-12 07:19:33 · answer #9 · answered by kathylouisehall 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is to let her go, but set some very specific rules. Give her an early curfew like 10:00 or 11:00. That is plenty of time to have their picture taken and dance for a little while. I would sit the kids and all the parents down and go over with them exaclty what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior to make sure they are clear on what they can and cannot do. But it is important to let her go because it shows her that you trust her and him and she will be very grateful.
2007-01-12 07:10:00 · answer #10 · answered by Coolltw2003 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋