why would my husband NOT tell me he was picking up a co-worker (female)?

Question

to take her to a house of "our" friends to watch football. All this happened while I was out of town. My friend told me he brought the co-worker 2 weeks later. I had to confront my husband - in a calm manner- he said he didn't think it was any big deal. I had just talked to him on the phone, 5 minutes before he left our home to go pick her up. Deceit, Betrayl? He doesn't understand why I'm upset and don't like the situation or don't want to be friends with this woman. I have been to two functions since - with this co-worker there hoping she might say something like, It was so nice for your husband to give me a ride to Joel's, I didn't know where he lived! But did she...............NO. Now she calls my house two days ago and asked for my husband, stating he said he would pick her up in the morning for work, because of snow. He never mentioned it to me, more deceit? HELP

Answer 1

Your husband has feelings for this co-worker and that is why he is hiding things from you. I've done the same thing before...not saying I'm proud of it. In my mind it was innocent at first, I truly was just friends with her. But then as a couple of years have passed, my feelings for her grew stronger. My wife knows that we have always been just friends, so she's clueless as to how I really feel. I used to be very open about when I would see my friend, but now I tend to hide things...because I know how I feel about my friend. That is why he is hiding it...deep down he is confused about what he should do, so hiding it is the easy way not to confront his feelings.

Answer 2

In a sense it seems like you may be overreacting. But on the other hand, it does seem like something sneaky is going on. Why wouldn't he just tell you that he was picking this woman up and taking her to the party? But then again, if he was taking her around mutual friends of the both of you, then he knew there was a chance that it would get back to you about her being there. It could be that maybe he didn't feel comfortable telling you about the co-worker in fear that you would accuse him of having an affair with her. However, it does seem a little fishy that she called your house because he was supposed to give her a ride to work. It seems like after he saw your reaction the first time he would have made it a point to tell you that he was going to give her a ride to work. You can look at this from many different angles. I would definitely keep my eyes and ears open though.

He could be attracted to this lady but then again, maybe he's just being friendly since she needs a ride. Me personally, I would have asked her what was going on.

Answer 3

Have you ever gone ballistic over his interactions with other female co-workers or friends? If the answer is NO, there is no reason for hm to not tell you unless this is his s.o.p. If he mentioned prior to or immediately after giving rides to other co-workers or friends he is clearly beginning to compartmentalize his life.
Did he introduce you to this woman the first available time or has he avoided the formalities...is this with or against his usual pattern. He is showing signs of becoming involved in an "emotional affair" with this woman. How was this woman's demeanor when she phoned your home, friendly or all business? Is she single or married, a crone or pleasing to the sight, a new or old co-worker and has he ever mentioned her as often as he mentions others he works with?
Calmly do remember work and do a google for "emotional affair" to help you understand what is going on.

Answer 4

There is a reason he isn't telling you. If there was nothing to hide then what is the big deal about not telling you. She sure has guts to call your house about a ride to work after that sneaky incident. What do you know about this person? Is she married? Chances are I would bet no. Unfortunately there are many people in the world like this woman that feel they have nothing to lose by messing around with a married man. She is selfish and has no regard for you, or for you and your husband's children if you have any. Shame on her and shame on your husband. Good luck to you!!!! You will prevail.

Answer 5

Incoherent Jesus-pimping aside, it truly is about you. once you're lots older than he's and he's in his 20's, he changed into maximum likely not that fortunate with the ladies and were given married too early. i understand it really is not what you want to hearken to, however that's the case that he sounds like he neglected out on his teens. it is commonly not a good idea to marry everybody of their 20's, a lot less someone 7 years youthful than you. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should claim something. what is going to it be certain? nicely, it's going to make your thoughts customary. yet this would nicely be him understanding that he settled down too quickly. Why were you 2 in this variety of hurry to get married and performance childrens? i'm guessing they are your little ones, although, and also you had to stumble on a daddy ASAP. If i'm incorrect, then it really is a touch better, yet this heavily isn't a good problem. search for suggestion from from him and observe what's up. do not anticipate him to be thoroughly honest, yet do not accuse him of mendacity. sense it out, and do not flow the Jesus direction. Imaginary acquaintances received't help you. even if you do believe, there hasn't ever been any demonstration that prayer has any bring about any respect. None. by any skill. you want to do issues for your self somewhat than in accordance with invisible those who would or received't be there.

Answer 6

i've been married 12 years. there have been many times when i have given male friends rides to different places. sometimes we talk on the phone or email eachother. it's not a big deal.
friends are friends. i don't tell my hubby every time i give someone a ride or who i'm going to lunch with or whatever. he doesn't care either way. my husband is not a jealous guy. he has no reason to be.
trust your husband untill you have actual proof that something wrong is going on.
you are upset that this lady didn't say anything to you about the rides. well, why should she? she's basically car pooling.
you need to calm down. otherwise, you're going to chase your husband away.

Answer 7

Whoa. Hmmm? Uhhh...

If he hasn't done her or someone else yet, he's thinking about it. You have a choice. You can come out of a bag on him and ruin any chance of learning the truth, or you can do your utmost best to find out from him what he's trying to gain by creeping. That takes patience, tact, and some damned good ego stroking. Are you up to it?

When you know, you can decide if you can provide whatever he thinks he's missing out on, thus keeping your marraige together, or if it just isn't worth it, in which case you'll either put up with affairs, a bad marraige, or a divorce.

Either way, you need more information to act responsibly.

Answer 8

Your husband is treading on thin ice. The woman may have the hots for him and he might be tempted far more than he needs to be. His deceit shows that he is flattered by her attention and they have something he's not letting you in on. You'd better be a little sterner with him or there will be problems. It sounds like an emotional affair at least and maybe already be a sexual one as well.

Answer 9

lol sorry to close for comfort for me.. it doesnt mean he's neccessarily cheating..but something is definately not kosher..why hide something if u think its not a big deal..and if he didnt mention it cause he knew u'd get upset, then why would u do something that u knew would put ur azz in the slinger? So either way he made a bad call on his part by either being guilty or definately making it look as if he's guilty.. either way he was wrong..

Answer 10

Your acting like he sent her flowers, or bought her something, took her out for dinner.

Does she actually live close by, and on his way to work?
Is he generally a nice guy?
Would he offer anyone a ride or is this out of his character?

You seem to be coming off a little insecure, and possibly a little aggressive.

He may not have told you just to avoid the behavior you're portraying.
If your behavior and attitude continue like this, and there is nothing going on. You will drive him away for sure.