i am 25 my husband is 43 we have been married 3 years but he never wants me he always has an excuse i want sex everyday twice a day he wants it once a month, and i know he aint cheating on me but he is on medication which could be the cause the low sex drive but if thats it then why doesnt he ever hold me or anything i get NO affection from him and it is driving me crazy and i dont know what to do what is wrong with me?? please help
2007-01-12 06:45:18 · 20 answers · asked by KYE_81 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a common problem--many married women/men ask the same question. It could be his medication. A lot of the anti-depressants such as Cymbalta can cause a decrease in sexual drive. Also some of the Anti-Psychotics, Millerill, Halidol...Why is he taking medication? If he is depressed this also can cause a lack of interest in all aspects of life. The age difference in the two of you--he has had more of life's ups and downs. It is difficult to understand someone if you haven't gone through the same things.
Do you talk with each other about problems? Is the financial burden mostly his? As well as being strong for one another. Just because he is a man doesn't mean that he is sexually driven. Feeling overwhelmed, depression, medication, fatigue, stress can all contribute to a lower sexual drive (or non at all.) You are still young--he is likely going through a stage in his life which you may or may not relate to or understand.
Try talking with him and ask if there is anything that you can do in problem solving. Perhaps marriage counseling. Most marriage councilors are on a sliding scale basis (the ability to pay depends on your income).
But, most important! Intercommunication! In order to revive the relationship you must know what is going on with one another.
There is nothing wrong with you. It is something he is going through. You are his partner in life and most likely you can help him if you choose to do so. It isn't easy sometimes to get one to talk about personal feelings. But the first step in healing is to first address the problem.
2007-01-12 07:57:38 · answer #1 · answered by ***Peg*** 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you. :)
Was your husband ever more affectionate?
Unfortunately, some people are not as affectionate as others. Yes, his medication and also his age can contribute to his low sex drive.
I suggest planning some special occasions, like cooking his favorite dinner and having a romantic evening at home. If he is simply clueless to his non-affection, you may need to get the ball rolling and hold him, etc.
If all else fails, talk to him about how his lack of physical affection makes you feel not as loved or attractive, and that you don't necessarily need sex every time, maybe just holding or other affectionate moves.
Remember, it is nothing that you are doing or not doing, even though it feels that way. Your husband was probably a lot hornier when he was your age, and now his testosterone is declining.
If he is the sort of guy who equates affection= sex, and therefore no affection if he's not wanting sex, you will have to help him figure out what you would like to make you feel loved.
Good luck to you, and I hope this helps! :)
2007-01-12 07:04:43 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two girlfriends and they both had the same problem when they were married for 2 or 3 years, the husbands wouldn't want to touch them, but it is just a fase. I have been married just for 1 !/2 years so I havent reached that fase yet. I was going to recommend you wearing sexy sleeping clothing but sometimes medication makes guys not being able to get aroused, when guys feel embarrased about that specific matter, sometimes they prefer shying away rather than talking about it. I don't think there is something wrong with you but you should totally ask him and tell him the way you feel so that he knows and then he can't blame you if you look for the affection somewhere else. Not saying that you would do that but you never know..
2007-01-12 07:07:01 · answer #3 · answered by theaccentgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all don't start blaming yourself about this because it is more likely that your husband is the one who has a problem and not you. Do you know if he is going through a rough patch at work or has some other problem and that could explain this behavior? Also you say that he is 45 so a lot older than you. It is also possible that this age difference makes him feel awkward towards you or something? You should really talk to him and tell him about your problem even if that would be hard.
2007-01-12 07:00:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my bf is 43 too, I'm 33, and the sex sucks so bad it's not funny. It happens twice a month for a total of ten minutes, both times combined. He's impotent, and too old to care much about it anymore as well. I'm sure that when he's home, all he does is sleep, am I right? Lose him, find a guy your own age, before this washed up geek sucks all the self-esteem right out of you.
Or have an affair. If he's not playing with it, then he should step aside and let someone younger and more capable have a shot at it. PS: its not going to get better so don't bother waiting for it to.
2007-01-12 06:52:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
okay so you have been married three years and now he isnt affectionate and doesnt want sex.... men tie affection to sex... if he knows inside himself that he can not perform sexually he could be feeling that to be affectionate is like teasing you... and the truth is he may very much want sex but switches that part of himself off (which is tied to affection for men) because he knows he cant fulfill the deed!
Alcohol, medication, worry and physical tiredness will rob anyone of the desire for sex for men it robs them of the possibility of sex since they cant maintain an erection at these times.
You need to tell him over and over that as much as you'd love a rollicking good time in bed with him that you miss the snuggles more.. Tell him that you understand there are a whole range of reasons he may not feel like or may not be able to have sex but that you do need his affection... a stroke of your face.. a place in the crook of his arm... a smile...
talk to himopenly and honestly about your needs while allowing him the space and time to do the same.... make sure that you dont pick a time for this when he is worn out from a days work or worry. ask hm to talk to you honestly about what he wants and needs sexually..
nagging, berating, and complaining in general will not help the situation.... when it comes to sex men are at the mercy of the physical.. nagging wont change anything it will only make you sound like an old fish-wife and make it harder for him to be interested in sex ....
If he says he would love to satisfy you but knows he cant tell him how satisfying it would be to receive his affection... and you can ask him to hold you while masterbate.... if he is willing...
2007-01-12 08:34:52 · answer #6 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think that it is you. You guys have a big age gap that could be part of the problem or it could be the meds do some research on them and find out if one of the side effects is low sex drive if it is maybe you can get him to switch. Also try to wear something sexy and try something new spice it up
2007-01-12 06:52:36 · answer #7 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main thing wrong with you is you think it is all about YOU! His lack of sex drive has nothing to do with you, your looks or what toothpaste you use. He apparently has a problem and nagging him will not resolve it. There is a big age difference as well. Older men are not as frisky as young ones for the most part. Maybe he doesn't hold you because he is afraid it will start something that he cannot finish. Not that he cannot satisfy you in other ways. Maybe you should talk to him about exploring some of those ways!
2007-01-12 06:51:54 · answer #8 · answered by Bev 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Nothing wrong with you. The medication more than likely did take his sex drive. He probably feels that if he is affectionate towards you it might lead you to think he wants sex. Then he will feel bad for rejecting you.
2007-01-12 06:50:13 · answer #9 · answered by mvas800 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you need to tell him how you feel and what its doing to you mentally and emotionally.if there is a medical condition side effects from medication can hurt the sex drive ,tell the doctor if thats the case.if not look at your whole relationship with him are you making him happy?
2007-01-12 07:08:15 · answer #10 · answered by Cheryl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋