Both divorced in our 40's - dating on & off since April, but have known each other for years. He found it hard to commit - we never slept with each other cause he only wanted casual sex - i broke it off in late summer - he still calls, but lately the calls are more along the lines of "I miss you", "I screwed up with you", "You are the love of my life", "I could fall in love with you". He emailed me the other day and said, "Don't be afraid". Of course the calls seem to come when he knows I am dating other men - he admitted to being jealous of a man i was recently dating. Now he has succeeded in pulling me in again, but I feel him backing away once again - he said he always wants me as a friend regardless of what happens between the two of us. I need a reality check - is this guy for real or just playing with me?
2007-01-12 06:36:44 · 11 answers · asked by born_free_again 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
i think you answered this yourself.
but just in case you need to hear it out loud.
he's a jerk, plain and simple.. he doesn't know what he wants in life or in a relationship.. time to find someone who has maturity, understanding and knows what they want in life.
take this guy outside and point him to some direction away from you.. tell him it's time for him to find what he's looking for.
and if he wants.. give him a compass.
2007-01-12 06:45:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe he is just playing with you. Your first red flag was when he only wanted casual sex. We have all heard those lines and it what it boils down to is he only wants you when he can't have you. The chase is appealing to men. Once he has conquered you, then the chase is over and he gets bored with the situation. Leave this guy alone. He is enjoying the control he has over you. There is a great book called, "He's just not that into you" that will better explain things. It was written by a man and they know themselves best. I read it and found a lot of myself in this book. If a guy is serious about you at all then they are willing to make a commitment, plain and simple. Don't put your time an energy into something that has no future.
2007-01-12 07:04:49 · answer #2 · answered by LISA F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want to divorce again. He feels that if he can keep you in his life without the IN STONE committment, that's perfect for him. He's not playing with you, but he does want you (sex) and that's why he said regardless he still wants to be friends. So that IF you two mess around, y'all can still be cool if you or he backs away.
On the other hand, since he's known you for years, He may have always been curious about what sex with you would be like. That may be his ultimate goal is just to see if he could have you. It could be an ego thing for him. A conquest. I hate to make it seem so insensitive but that's reality...it happens.
He's for real....but about what...That's the question!
2007-01-12 06:44:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a real Roller-Coaster Ride. If it were me, I stick with the friendship relationship. At 40, I kinda did the same thing, and got bored with the whole thing. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, silly cliche, I know.
What puzzles, me is the "Don't be afraid" quote. Sounds like he's the one that's afraid. I would move on.
He's playing a game alright. So, if you can handle his game, and you like this sort of up-and-down emotional head game, go for it. You might try a couple more attempts with him, but sincerely you have to draw the line eventually.
2007-01-12 06:58:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree w/ the previous answers...I know that sometimes we long n crave for company and a partner but sometimes we r better off alone than in bad company----from experience I say back-off now and see all the catchy fraces he blows your way and the guilt trip he puts you through! Run away from the theoretical and psychological "BS" he's trying to feed you....good luck, we can tell you where to find water but not make you drink it.
2007-01-12 06:54:52 · answer #5 · answered by rosebody 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, two of his comments are contradictory- "you are the love of my life and I could fall in love with you". If you are the love of his life, wouldn't he already be in love with you? Plus, jealousy can be a difficult trait to overcome, and it is often irrational, so I'd say be very cautious before you get serious about this guy again, for safety's sake because jealousy can become physical and if this guy keeps resurfacing, he could possibly have stalker tendencies?
2007-01-12 06:44:16 · answer #6 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like one of those guys that wants to have you on the fringes of his life, but not really as the main course.
If he were really in to you, he would step up to the plate.
Good that you have never had sex with him. That keeps it simple.
I would stop taking his calls. You don't need a friend like this.
2007-01-12 06:41:54 · answer #7 · answered by ociana40 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that he doesn't really want to be with you but he doesn't want anyone else to be with you either. That is a bad sign, and suggests he wants to be in total control of the situation, and would probably not make a good partner anyway. My advice would be to move on, and to tell him clearly that you have done so, and tell him to stop contacting you.
2007-01-12 06:45:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he really wants to be with you but when it comes down to it I think hes scared to commitment. I think you should question him about what he wants and go from there. Its not worth waiting for if he can't make up his mind, you need to go on with him or without him!
Take care!
2007-01-12 06:43:48 · answer #9 · answered by Whos your mama? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's just looking for a taste of the honey from the honey pot. If that's not what you're offering, stay away.
2007-01-12 06:50:55 · answer #10 · answered by RightLeft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋