My g/f of 4 years left me 2 days ago to try again w/ her babies father. We were friends for the last month and behind my back he realized that we were fighting and got her attention. Now she says that she has the beginnings of feelings for him and that she wants us to be friends so she can see where it goes with him. She moved out of my mothers house with me and into his apartment in a ghetto area where they sell crack on the corners with our daughter. She and I agreed that our relationship was improving, but I realize now that her heart has probably hardened to me already due to everything that we have been through. So he gets a ready made family that I worked for, and I lost my family due to all of the work we had to put in. I want nothing more than to be with her, but I think that I should back off some and become her friend like she wants, I told her that I would be her friend, but I would always be willing to take her back when she is ready. I want her, but how do I get her back?
2007-01-12 06:10:38 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Personally I'll commend you for wanting to be the bigger person and remain friends. Truthfully I think that if she was with you for four years and let the fighting throw her attention to her babies father, she needs to straighten some stuff up within herself. It's not meant to be easy, you'll argue, things will get bad and then the hump on the rollercoaster ceases and it's smooth sailing. But the general idea is going through it together despite the arguments and discussions.
She must be confused somehow, some way. Were I in the situation I know it'd be difficult for me to stand by my significant other's side while they continually dismiss me. But hey if you think you can do it, by all means do.
As far as how you can get her back. Think about it. If she left after 4 years, even if you do get together again, there's a large likelihood if she wants to leave she'll leave again. We can't make someone stay with us, we can only show them we're willing to work through it. Maybe you should ask her where she stands with you. That should clarify any questions you may have. There's got to be a reason she backed out of your relationship. Word of advice, be cautious: It's draining to continually work on something when someone else isn't putting in their part of the work.
Best of luck!
2007-01-12 06:22:57 · answer #1 · answered by Jessie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a hard one, with out knowing the type of person that she is. What I can assume is that she is selfish, to want to take her child out to a place like that instead of somewhere that she is safe. And what are you just a door mat, that she can step on when she pleases? Where was the kids father during the 4 years that you have been together? Is he just recently come into the picture. I would have to say that it takes a very humble person to even be friends with this guy.. But see you trusted her to only have a parental relationship and she ended up leaving.
Once she does it.. if she came back, probably would do it again. IS that fair to you, or the innocent kid.
I guess my advice is let her fall, she has to learn a lesson, on doing whats good for her and her child. That is nothing you can try to explain to her. Maybe see some one else too since you are " just friends" , maybe after a few police raids, and living in a shithole seeing that you too can be good for someone else... she might just come running back... but some women are just dumb... like a moth to a fire.. they cant help it...
2007-01-12 06:20:15 · answer #2 · answered by c_leoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know what your problems were but she seems confused right now on what direction she should take in life. If she went into a worse situation she will probably not stay there long. I'm not sure you should so readily let her come back though, she left you easily enough. You may end up being a layover for a while.Don't sit around suffering over this...get out & meet people see what happens. If you decide to take her back in the end if she comes back. then she will have to re earn your trust.
2007-01-12 06:20:54 · answer #3 · answered by earthangel_candy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need some serious help. What in the world would you want with a crack head? She is no longer the same girl you knew. You are so worried about your sick ex that your poor daughter is now without any supervision. You need to get an emergency hearing and get your daughter out of your ex's possession. There is no reason why that little girl needs to be exposed to that kind of crap. You should seek some counseling. You should be saying, I want my daughter. But instead you aren't even concerned about that poor child. GOD help you.
2007-01-12 06:18:03 · answer #4 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am truly so sorry xxx . Anyone who can walk out into someone Else's arms has issues ans someone with issues can not be a productive loyal wife.
So she has 2 kids to 2 men? that means she doesn't stay with anyone for long,you don't want that? Work hard Tate this time to get a good collage education and maybe when she grows up it will be different,if you are still on the market.
2007-01-12 06:22:06 · answer #5 · answered by danceteacher5555 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she really loves you than she will get back with you. She will realize just how good she had it and things will move on from there I am sure of it. You just have to make sure that she also wants to be with you. It is hard being stuck in the friends zone.
2007-01-12 06:16:06 · answer #6 · answered by Hillary Nance 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If there were an answer to that the world would be even more screwed up.You can do nothing if she chooses him over you.If you wait for her to come back and miss out on a life of your own then that'll be your own silly fault.She says she wants to be with another man and no matter what you want she told you she doesn't want to be with you,move on.
2007-01-12 06:16:48 · answer #7 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell her it,s not safe to keep a kids in a crack house it,s unhealthy and not a good envirment for a child, also she has to put her child's safety before her needs, if she with you she dosen,t need to worry of a drug deal going bad and have her kid killed by accident, all so it,s safer at your mothers then at house, and you need to find a safe place to move to the reason why she left is because you still live with your mom that the case in most cases and she dosen,t wan,t to live with your mom.she most likely think your still in the mind of a child and she is looking for a mom that can take care of him self amd the kid.
2007-01-12 06:32:25 · answer #8 · answered by i,m here if you need to talk. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HEY DUDE you really must love this girl but if i were you I'll just move on...if she's really meant for you then time will tell...you don't do anything to let her realize to choose you over him,you must be lucky and it's her lost not yours.
2007-01-12 06:23:56 · answer #9 · answered by warmhearted 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make her chose you over him. You can't control others that way. You need to live with her decision and move-on. Anything else is just drawing out the inevitable and making you and her miserable in the meantime.
2007-01-12 06:14:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋