What is your advice?

Question

Mary hates Ann in the office. Mary is younger by over 10 years.
Mary is white. Mary wants to say negative things about Ann such as she doesn't know her job. At the same time, Mary will say that Ann is a nice person and she is smart.

Mary has only been working there for 3 months. Ann has been there for 8 years. Ann has been with the company for a total of 20 years.
Mary only 3 months. Mary doesn't like the idea that everyone likes Ann.

Ann is responsible and mature and professional. Ann is able to do her work and be professional. She is taking care of her father.
He has cancer and her mom has a disabled arm.

What is your advice to Mary?


Ann

Mary said to herself and co-workers about Ann.
"I don't know what she is"

Answer 1

Grow up. People have to live with people.
Weather you like them or not.
When you tend to wear two faces, people get confused as to what you look like.

If it is really that big of a problem for mary to live, then just avoid Ann. I'm sure Ann will go on about life, unlike Mary.


Good Luck

Answer 2

My advice to Mary is that she had better find a way to stop the negative remarks and get a grip on her belief that her opinion of Ann matters at all; because it doesn't. Mary is a new member of a team and ought to realize that as well.

Mary has to grow up and stop acting like a kid of nine years old. If she doesn't like that people like Ann that shows Mary has some kind of horrendous emotional immaturity or other problem that makes her act nine years old.

Ann doesn't have to do anything. What does she care what Mary thinks?

I have a feeling that Mary isn't long for that job anyway, because if she's only been there three months and already has a whole "deal" going with Ann; those are the signs of a come-and-go employee anyway.

Answer 3

Disagree with Karma.

Mary is jealous of Ann and sees Ann as a threat. Being judgemental and shallow is not the way with Mary against Ann.
Sounds like split personality on Mary's part. One minute Ann is the dumbest person and the next minute, Ann is a nice person and she is smart.

All in all, Mary is not being responsible for her own bad behavoir.

Answer 4

There are Mary's in every company. It seems like Mary is immature and needs to grow up. Mary also needs to be told that her behavior is a form of harassment and she can be terminated for her actions, if Ann decides to file a formal complaint against her. I also believe that if Ann coworkers would stand up for her and tell Mary to stop her childish behavior it will end.

Answer 5

Dear Ann,

I wouldn't be in the least bit surprised to discover that the real problem lies with Ann.

I'd advise Mary to find out who she has replaced in the workplace in her new job, then find out how long that person lasted and the person before that.

I'd also advise Mary to make it known to Anns superior that she doesn't feel that she is supported by Ann, as the longer serving member of staff, and that there is ill feeling in the workplace.

I'd make it known to Mary that Ann feels that, even though Mary is telling her she is good at her job and smart, that she actually believes Mary to think her bad at her job. Although she has never vocalised this.

I'd tell Mary that Ann seems to feel that she is under appreciated in the workplace, in spite of the many years of service that she has given to the company and that she should maybe try to make Ann feel more comfortable with the changes within her workplace. I'd recommend she let Ann know she is in no way a threat to her or her position.

I'd tell Mary that she should do all she can to protect herself and to be sure to keep a superior member of staff informed at all times about how things are going with Ann. I'd also tell her that if she finds the job too stressful and decides to leave, that she inform personel that the reasons involve Ann and the way she interacts with new members of staff.

I'd tell Mary that Ann is having a difficult time right now, caring for her parents, and even though it shouldn't be something that effects the working dynamic that in his case, if she can manage it, she should try to cut Ann some slack.

I'd tell Ann that it could be a huge benefit to her and make her working life a lot easier if, intead of being resentful of new members of staff and feeling threatened by them, she try to take this girl under her wing and help her settle into her new job. Ann may even discover that she could make a new friend in Mary, and judging by all that Ann is dealing with right now, that would be very good for her. I think Ann is finding everything very tough right now and really needs to find comfort in the people around her, rather than conflict.

This whole thing may be a stretch on my part, but it's tough giving Mary advice on how to deal with this when it's only Anns views we have to judge by, and it's Ann asking for the advice for Mary.

I wish Ann well and really hope that she has a good support network around her. Caring for her parents is a very, very tough thing to do and I hope things work out for the best for her........and for Mary.

Karma.
x

Answer 6

Mary ought to be a little bit more tolerant and above all start acting her age. Mary as her name implies sounds as though she's bitter and wishes she were on Ann's side of the fence.

Answer 7

to me it sounds like this Mary person is kind of jealous of a more experienced coworker.
my advice is to try to befriend her and to see what this Ann person is like, maybe she will learn to like her as a friend and to not be jealous of the skills Ann has aquired over so many years at that company.
maybe in time she will realize that by working hard she will someday have the skills Ann has already mastered
also, to hang in there. you will find people you don't like everywhere soo we have to learn hot to deal with less than perfect situations.

Answer 8

First of all, why does it matter that Mary is white? Mary needs to do her job and quit worrying about office cattiness (MEOW). It's Mary's JOB not her LIFE. Maybe Mary needs to get a LIFE!

Answer 9

For both of them, it is a job, neither is there to win a "most liked" award. They are there to do a job, to the best of their ability and then go home to their respective "FAMILIES'. The hell with who likes who and that he said she said sh@# is for the birds. Where you have a group of women, the sad thing is, you will always have some crap going around. Believe me, been there, done that. Good morning, if suitable, and good night, if suitable, otherwise, nothing else said. Yeah you might be considered stuck up, but hey, they are going to talk no matter what, so give them no ammunition, stay to yourself.

Answer 10

First off, as a man of color, skip the racial remarks (big turn off!!) Next, focus on your life, you seem to have your plate full with 'real' issues at home that require your full attention. If by chance she has the guts to voice any of these opinions around you, tell her 'if she could do a better job, stop talking and do it'.

"Miserable people love more miserable people." -
Lady and the Tramp