What I don't understand about black men...?

Question

I am a attractive , eduacted black woman, but from time and time again I keep running into these knuckleheads that have committment issues.. I don't understand it, how come black men do not want to commit, I see all the time and I just don't get it..., even some of my guy friends are like I just want to have friends with no strings attached, and then they wonder why women are turning gay, and how come 1 in 3 black men are hiv postive and the prevelene of single mother's in the black community it's a disgrace..Can somone give me an answer ...

Answer 1

my b/f is black and i'm puerto rican.. but i'm not looking to settle down.. been there done that, i'm not going to push this guy. i know what you mean about knucklehead m/fer's.. i've seen too many of them and it ani't only black guys, it seems like all these guys are snapperheads...i ani't goina even try sweety. i'm going to injoy myself and thats it!!!. good luck

Answer 2

Perhaps this is not the proper forum to direct such a question, as you see the majority of the responses thus far, are from women, and one who is apparently off the rector (and you know what I mean)...We tend to focus on brothas because they are similar to us and that is not necessarily true. Yes, it's nice, but it's not a need because they don't focus on us. The great thing about a brotha, is that he doesn't allow race to dictate his attraction to a female...Preference is based on what one has adapted to....There are societal differences, cultural differences, and a variety of other differences which make us the way we are. We are strong, sincere, intelligent, beautiful, loving, inquisitive, provocative, creative, and the list goes on, all within out own merit and the African American male knows that. Some men love us for it, some men hate us for it, but no matter what, it is who and what we are. Try not to focus on what's in the glass...look outside of it...you never know what's in front of you until you just open your eyes and look. A true man will come your way regardless, but you must continue to believe that you deserve the best...not just because you are the best...but because you are You...remember what Maya Angelou stated, as I paraphrase: (excerpt)

"Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me..."

Keep Your Head Up Sista! and be Safe...(smiles)

Answer 3

Just to clarify something, this isn't a problem only restricted to black men. It may be a slightly larger problem (I'm basing this on the 70% illegitimacy rate in the black community) than other races but people seem to think they can do whatever they want without any consequences these days. Personally, I think the reintroduction of shame would be a boon to society. Then people like Brittney would feel actual shame for flashing her p***y to the media and she would be shunned, rather than exaulted.

Answer 4

It's the problem with women in general- they go for flash and not substance. They want the man that everyone else wants, but want him to only love her.

perhaps your attracted to men with commitment issues. for instance-

my black husband didn't have a lot of girlfriends. didn't go out to a lot of clubs, didn't wear the newest gear or do anything else to stand out loudly etc.

He didn't have a lot of girls, because he chose carefully and when he did choose made his intentions known. He didn't hang out in clubs because those weren't the type of girls he was looking for. He wasn't Mr. Big Man, the life of the party, etc everywhere he went, because he had better things to focus on.

in short, you should look at who you're after. Don't chase after the man who's in the club all the time, or wearing the best new suit to church, and is flirty, etc. Don't get mad when you date someone who's had 8 girlfriends in the past month, and now he won't commit to you.

Answer 5

I would jump on your spelling and your lack of grammar, but, as that is a habit I'm trying to break, I'll save that until the end.

Black men. Wow, that is a conundrum in and of itself. We, as Black women, try to understand them, but they don't make it easy. You say you're "an attractive, educated Black woman", so why do you keep attracting knuckleheads? Where are you meeting them, and can you avoid these areas? My advice would be for you to raise your standards for meeting men. Sit down and write down what qualities you want and don't want in a man, and stick to it. If you happen to come across a man who has commitment issues, leave him alone until he deals with them; then, if you're available when he's ready, begin a relationship with him.

As for the "prevalence" of single Black mothers vs. single Black fathers, I'd say that there are more SBF's than SBM's. I know this for a fact in my own life, because I used to be a single Black mother, and my son's father has two children ahead of my son, and three children behind my son, so he has six children and I had one, at that time.

There is nothing wrong with having male friends; they are the best way to know how a man thinks. If they tell you the truth about something, believe it. Good luck.

P.S.: All of the words you messed up, I put in quotation marks. Check your spelling and your grammar.

Answer 6

You must be looking for love in all the wrong places! I think our music and role models play a part. It is not "cool" to be commited! But you can not just say it is just the men - many woman are the same way. Me myself - I can not wait to have a person to share my dreams with! Hope you find what you are looking for!

Answer 7

I heard a saying once, why buy the cow if you can get the milk free? Too many women give freely, so the man doesn't have to commit.

Answer 8

its simple they think with there small head