2007-01-12 05:52:00 · 29 answers · asked by yellowgirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Generally, don't give ANYONE ALL of your trust. It doesn't mean you have to be sour and lonely. It doesn't mean you have to be a snoop and dishonest. Balance in all things is the key.
Nana always told me to "trust NO man..." ie, no human being. "...Trust the Lord with all your heart" She and Grandad were so in love (Grandad has passed on, but even today, being in their home, you can STILL feel the love!!) It is a lesson I will pass on to my children, their children, and their childrens children (God willing)
If its in your heart to try again, go for it, but Grandad told me : ) "if he hurts you once, it is his mistake, but, if he hurts you twice, then that's YOUR mistake"
All the best!
2007-01-12 06:24:52 · answer #1 · answered by tyreesesmum 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, try this on for size, hon
Marriage is admiration, respect, passion and trust. Four biggies. When the trust is gone, because the passion was shared body and soul with another, it isn't long before the other two are in the toilet. My therapist friend tells me that it is two years before the trust returns, even when both get into counseling, and that iswith no guarantee!!!! The only real deal-breaker in a marriage is betrayal. There will always be in the back of the mind of the betrayed ,,,"Once a cheater, always one." Trust is a precious thing. The real question is can you forgive???? The person betrayed may not be able to. Can your forget? Probably never.
Can trust ever return????? Tough, and years to find out......
2007-01-12 06:20:12 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ask your self this "What is it he want's to change? The fact that he believes that cheating is ok??? It's up to you as to if you can trust someone or not, and with layering risk factors such as cheating...this is def a time for thoroughness in your thoughts. Another question to ask yourself is "If I did something wrong and begged forgiveness...and it was granted...what would be the likely hood of me doing it again...and again...and again. If you want to make this work, yet you are unsure on how to go around it....give him a tough time coming back. Do not let him think he has been forgiven and possibly play some much needed hard to get. Because then just maybe he will realize just how much work it was to get you back that he will def think twice before doing it again. Good Luck!
2007-01-12 06:02:34 · answer #3 · answered by Ladybug 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if it is the only time u know of, that this has happened and want to believe him than give him one chance and one only. wanting to change is different than changing, and accepting responsibility that what they did , hurt the other person.he has to accept that u are not going to trust him again for awhile, that he has to earn the trust back. it is really hard once u have taken them back, to ever trust them again. sometimes in order to avoid any more hurt and rejection people just give up, its not for the faint of heart. got to decide if u are loosing anything special in the first place, and if u would be better off with or without this person. takes a long time to trust again, and be able to feel that the relationship is alright. the relationship will never be the same, as once innocence is lost, u see things quite differently. he really has to be remorseful, and allow u to voice your concerns till u feel okay with this. because is he isn't willing to allow u to talk about your hurt, and he shuts u down, it won't work.
2007-01-12 06:06:40 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. My first husband cheated on me and vowed he would never do it again. However, as time went on, I never fully trusted him again and there were things he did that led me to believe he was not still totally faithful to me. It is something only you can decide if you can live with or not, and if you believe what he is telling you. You may want to seek out a counselor that the two of you can go to to see if your relationship still has a chance. Don't let anybody decide this answer for you though. Because you are the ONLY one that can make that choice. Good luck to you both.
2007-01-12 06:00:52 · answer #5 · answered by jims_prettyeyes 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you were asking us "can you (meaning you yourself) trust him after he has cheated and wants to change". For that answer you have to look within yourself. Was the problem something you down deep inside can't accept, never could, or will be nagging him about it the rest of your marriage/partnership? Everyone is an individual with morals and ideals and dreams. And, whoever cheats needs to know how badly that hurt you, and they have to have an honest desire not only to apologize but to make it up to you, and over time if they don't do it again then you can regain your trust. They really inside have to know that it hurt you. If they don't come around to that thinking, then kick them to the curb.
2007-01-12 06:00:44 · answer #6 · answered by sophieb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust is something you earn. Once it's been lost, it's very hard to gain it back. If he really wants to change, then get into couples counseling immediately. Don't let his "I'm sorry" be enough. He needs to be held accountable for his actions. I wouldn't get him out of the dog house too fast. Let him stay there and really think about what's he's done and how he'll handle all future temptations...because they will come. Good luck!
2007-01-12 06:27:28 · answer #7 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How difficult...I'm sorry...Getting professional marraige counseling together to examine the situation is really the only answer. If you love one another enough, and want to make it work again, it will take mountains of hard work, patience and understanding. Like throwing one pebble at a time into a very deep valley. Divorce can be devistating...I always thought I could never forgive something like that, but now that I am acutally in love I don't know..I may try to make it work...
2007-01-12 06:29:44 · answer #8 · answered by heatherb9 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
everyone deserves a second chance regardless. I think that you really do still love him but if he does it again, maybe it's time to move on. Trust is something that everyone does automatically however when someone has lost that trust, it's really hard to regain. Only you know him, so i think only you can answer this question. Good luck.
2007-01-12 06:11:23 · answer #9 · answered by molly_tony 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are married then you are talking about infidelity. A person who cheats on their spouse has committed the most selfish act on spouse can do the the other.
Infidelity is not an accident, its a conscious decision to break ones marriage vows. Its a choice, not a mistake or accident, being drunk, or lonely, or anything else is a cheap excuse for not taking responsibility for ones actions.
The relationship can be rebuilt but it is going to take a lot of time and work
2007-01-12 05:59:48 · answer #10 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋