i know i made some mistakes along the way. i've learned alot about what to do and what not to do. she will not give me a second chance. ? we have been together for 7 years. lots of good times, more then the bad. why would God let something that I love so much go from me? i'm a very nice guy, good job, money saved for retirement, great family. i just don't understand it. my whole life just doesn't make any since. i just wish i was dead. no more pain in my head, heart. please help me...
2007-01-12 05:42:18 · 82 answers · asked by verylost 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you can't beat a dead horse, it won't respond anyway.
go find a new pony (a little older this time) and grow together not apart.
2007-01-12 05:47:53 · answer #1 · answered by iroc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt the same way...confused about why God would let that happen to me, especially when God seemed so much in the relationship from the beginning. So I know the feeling. But it sounds like you abused the trust within the relationship somehow. The only thing that can repair the trust is time. You might be able to repair the trust over time, just by being trustworthy and keeping the lines of communication open. I have a friendly divorce with my ex-husband, and we've developed the friendship in the four years we've been separated. It's very valuable. I insisted on a good-faith relationship and after he realized I wasn't coming after him, he settled into that spirit, as well. On the other hand, especially if she's simply fallen for someone else, there's not much you can do if she doesn't want to go to counseling to repair the marriage. Whatever happens--you will heal. Try DivorceCares.
2007-01-12 05:50:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as your hurting don't blame God. Pray and ask God to help you heal and give you understanding. Look at your role in this and see how you can change this from happening again. Ask your wife if there is at least a corner of her heart that you can still have and try to work things out. Ask her why she left and go from there. It does take two. Did you give her enough attention? You mentioned a good job, saved money and a good family. None of these things have anything to do with love or understanding that you've shown her. Does she feel like you gave her what she needed? Often times women speak and by chance you do hear what we are saying you will come to a whole did answer then what we just said. Stay strong and this to shall pass.
2007-01-12 05:52:29 · answer #3 · answered by nm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are a tad delusional. There must have been some reason why she was unhappy enough to leave you. Did you try talking to her about her reasons? I'm sorry but you are clearly way out of touch. You are probably not mature enough for a serious relationship that needs good communication and benig really in touch with your partner. You should at least know what your partners needs are, even if you are not perfect at meeting them. You clearly don't have a clue.
But if you're so perfect as you claim to be I'm sure you'll do just fine and pick up someone new in no time. Just remember next time that a wife is not a pet or possession.
2007-01-12 05:49:30 · answer #4 · answered by Lauren D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a feeling your wife already gave you a second and third chance (and more). The fact you dont see that tells me you havent learned much. I hope you open your eyes. Until you do she will not consider taking you back.
Sounds like after 7 years she just got fed up with your mistakes. You probably finally went too far and that was it for her. All you can do now is use this as a lesson for the next lady you are with. Nothing is worth blowing a good thing for. Don't make the same mistakes again.
2007-01-12 05:48:58 · answer #5 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you didn't tell us what mistakes you made or even if they were relevant to the marriage or if they were made prior to marriage, or what mistakes she made, or what was the problem in the marriage.
They say you don't know someone until you're married to them, and even after being married to someone for a long time you still don't know them. When you marry you get to see all the behind-the-scenes things that people don't show you when you're just dating, whether it be just friends or living together or engaged, etc. Did she see something that surprised her, or visa versa? Were either of you more or less demanding? Was marriage a disappointment (because in that 7 years you did everything so marriage left nothing new to try? except for children?)
Most times when people want to split it's because of money, kids, sickness, disappointment, jealousy, forcefulness and anger, or even going in two different directions (two different plans for life), or even religion. It doesn't have to specifically be something wrong with you that she wants to leave.
"Communication" and "toleration" is what keeps people together for 50 years or more. If you talk with a psychologist they will say the same thing. If you want forgiveness (for whatever you think you did) then get a minister's counseling.
2007-01-12 05:54:06 · answer #6 · answered by sophieb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to your wife about why she's leaving you? If you're unclear, I think it's more than fair to ask her for an explanation. Sometimes people just aren't compatible. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you, it simply means that there is something wrong with the two of you together. It sounds like you have a very good life ahead of you and while it may not seem like it now, you will be able to move one day. Find out her reasons, ask if she would be willing to try a trial separation before going through with a divorce and make her understand how important she is to you. If she still wants to separate, remember all the good times you've had together and start fresh.
2007-01-12 05:49:38 · answer #7 · answered by Princess P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 7-year mark is tough. Too long for that initial spark to still exist, but not long enough for the comfortable, I'll-be-with-this-person-forever feeling to fully settle in. And she's only 24 now? So you guys started out when she was just 17.... LOTS of changes can occur in a person's head/heart/personality at that time of life. Maybe she changed in one direction, and you changed in another, so that you no longer fit together as well as you once did? She's ready to move on based on who she's evolved into, but you're not. I know it hurts, but a year or two from now, you will look back at this from a survivor's point of view and hopefully be healthier and wiser for it. Counseling will help you get there, and when you are happy, healthy, and whole, you'll find someone deserving of all you have to offer....
I hope this helps. I wish you peace, my friend....
2007-01-12 05:51:50 · answer #8 · answered by Poopy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's not about you anymore. Maybe she just wants different things for her life. You guys have been together for 7 years, so that means she was a teenager when you first got together. Think about when you were a teen and some of the things you thought were true back then, and think about how that's changed now that you're older. Maybe she's just come to the realisation that she wants her life to move in a different direction than yours. You sound like a great guy - committed and willing to work at a marriage, but maybe she's not in the same place as you in her life's journey.
2007-01-12 05:55:36 · answer #9 · answered by little_ms.knowitall 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the Lawrence Livermore, Berkeley Campus of studies concerning our choice of mates, sometimes we make a mistake. Genesis 2: 27, I believe and if God made a woman for the man of his Glory, then there is a woman for you. What is important, always, is that the children aren't involved in the separation. And, furthermore, there is no separation up under the blue skies of a real God. You, two have just come into the fullness of the glory of the Spirit of God, or breath of God within you, that senses a irregularity. That before the time of this term of your being in God is extended too, far, you are able to metanoeo, repent rather into the God head of that real 'Help Meet'! It's not the End of Days, it's the beginning of God's Newness in the Day! Carbon, Hydrogen, Oxygen, and Nitrogen, and now realize your cohesive bonding, is REAL
2007-01-12 05:53:18 · answer #10 · answered by Felecia Holly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your pain. Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done. If she wants to leave she will leave. Going to a marriage counselor (alone) would help you and then there are support groups. This is going to be a very tough time for you. Bad things do happen to very good people, and you sound like a good reasonable practical smart person. now you need to try to get through this hard time and heal yourself so that you are not too bitter in the future. It will take time. REad lots of books about divorce and go to message boards. Slowly you will heal.
2007-01-12 05:47:07 · answer #11 · answered by stripedbook 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋