My husband has been im'ing a girl he knew from high school and it is driving me crazy. He says they are just friends but he left his email up last night and his very first email to her said, "You're just as pretty as ever" Well, I asked him about it and he said that he was just paying her a compliment. He said if it bothered me he would stop talking to her, but I don't want to seem like "that person". There was an issue about a year ago where someone on IM messaged me and told me that they had been talking to my husband and he denied it, I don't believe that he wasn't but we have gotten past it. Please give me some advice on this one. Thank you.
2007-01-12 05:26:47 · 19 answers · asked by lilcountrygirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BTW, I know he is not actually seeing this girl, because she lives 8 hours away from us. Just chatting.
2007-01-12 05:37:54 · update #1
I also tried asking him how he'd feel if the situation were reversed and he told me that he wouldn't care if I were talking to an old friend. Even one that I thought was good looking.
2007-01-12 05:38:56 · update #2
Go ahead and be "that person". This is going to get out of hand if you don't put an end to it. Your husband is already being inappropriate in my opinion. Put your foot down on this one.
2007-01-12 05:30:19 · answer #1 · answered by Candy C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make it known that you don't feel comfortable with this situation and that it is leaving you feel very vulnerable and insecure. If this man loves you he should stop on his own rocognizance. If he is so selfish that he is going to disregard your feelings and do it anyway, then I think you have some bigger issues at hand and in need of some serious help. Marirage is all based on respect for one another. The IM'ing with an old highschool friend may seem innocent enough, but it's opening doors that may potentially jeopordize relationship -- to me that's a gamble I wouldn't want to take.
2007-01-12 06:44:18 · answer #2 · answered by gg55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are certain boundaries that we, as married people, do not cross. You and your husband set your own, personal boundaries. He's has evidently crossed one of those boundaries. If it bothers you that he's saying these things to and chatting with a woman he went to high school with, you can't help it. Something in your gut is telling you that this isn't right. Don't apologize for it. Tell him.
And after the incident last year, I'd ask him not to get on the computer anymore at all. If I acted inappropriately (twice) online, my husband would throw the computer out the window. Don't give him a choice and don't apologize. There is evil out there and you don't want to greet it at the front door and say, "Come on in!".
Best of luck to you and your husband.
2007-01-12 05:35:22 · answer #3 · answered by Josi 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Went through this and it ended in divorce. He wouldnt stop chatting with people on email and in the end started meeting them . It was horrible and looking back i wish i would have left him as soon as it started. Everytime he denied it then said he did but it means nothing that he would quit i would just get comfortable and would find something else.You should leave for awhile. He needs to know your not going to stay.
2007-01-12 05:33:26 · answer #4 · answered by troys_wifey2003 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think it would be in ur best interest to explain to him how u feel. Ask him how would he feel if it was u exchanging emails with an old high school friend, and complimenting that he still looks hott. Dont be afraid to let him know that this issue is making u uncomfortable., Go with ur gut feeling here.. good luck.
2007-01-12 05:31:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
stop making excuses for him, for inexcusable behavior. if he had nothing to hide, he would hide nothing, meaning that he denied the encounter a year ago. yes this is going to hurt u, your self worth, emotional state, and mental state. he is going down the wrong road, it is never good to be in contact with an ex from the past, will only bring someone extreme heartache. we teach others how to treat us, by accepting certain behaviors we shouldn't. when we marry someone we are suppose to forsake all others. if we aren't doing that and our thoughts are on someone else, our thoughts will eventually govern our actions, and emotions. that is exactly how affairs begin. got to set limits, tell him how this is upsetting and hurting u, and effecting the marriage, if he continues to do it, get out of it.
2007-01-12 05:39:03 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you husband is having an emotional affair, which can be just as damaging as a physical affair.
your husband might even have a sexual addiction.
He needs to stop the IM-ing and emails with the other girl -- POST HASTE. If he is not willing to stop, you have a serious, serious problem.
2007-01-12 05:40:36 · answer #7 · answered by Jack C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with being THAT person. It obviously bothers you - so tell him. Since you have a history, it's going to be a sore spot for you. Tell him, and be happy. I think it's inappropriate too !!! As for them "just talking" - that's how all relationships begin.
2007-01-12 05:36:48 · answer #8 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell your husband ''i freekin love you and your so damn mine that i get a bit jealous when you chat to other girls, not that its wrong at all but makes me want you more'' .. be sexy yourself and you too get some guy friends.. the equation has to be equal..And if this ''just chatting'' gets slightly more friendly, then you gotta put a stop to it.. listen to your instinct , just dont baselessly be suspicious and ruin your good nite sleep ~ keep an eye on him and at the same time ,you should be having a life of your own.Focus on your frienships,work out, and look sexy (not for any one else but for YOURSELF) !! good luck to your love and sex life ;))
2007-01-12 05:45:40 · answer #9 · answered by spin spin sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he is just flirting, having an emotional affair with someone is harmful to any marriage.
You are right for feeling this way and you need to put your foot down on this one. His behavior is not appropiate and it will scalate into much worse if you let this one go.
Good luck
2007-01-12 05:39:41 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋