Should I stay in this relationship?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for almost 5 years since I was 17 and he was 27. we have been living together for 2 years and I am 7 months pregnant now. My fiance used to go out and drink till he was smashed about 3 times a week, and would come home till between 5-or 7a.m. He slowed down ALOT since we got pregnant. But is Still doing it everyone once in awhile, he is now 32 and I think it is time for him to grow up! We are going to have a baby girl here in about 8 weeks, and I am contimplating our relationship because I am tired of these actions. I dont think he is setting a good example. He acts all excited about the baby and always says he can't wait for her to come out meanwhile, he knows I am going to be out of work for 6 weeks (which means no pay) and he's spending money as if it grows on trees instead of putting it into to savings cause we are ggoing to need it for the bills. I threaten him that I am leaving every time he goes on these drinking binges. Should I leave?

Answer 1

you should have been gone.

a drunken, money spending old man,....

need anyone say any more.

Answer 2

I can't tell you whether to stay or go. However I can say this. When I met my fiance he was in the middle of a 89 day drinking binge. He asked me out every day for a year before I even bothered. We began dating and I kept him at arms length because of his drinking. When I became pregnant ( I was on birth control at the time) he began to slow down. Every now and then his friends would call and he would ask to go and I'd tell him yes and then he'd go out and I'd be at home crying because I didn't want to tell him no.... By the time I had our daughter he hadn't been out in two months. And now that she is 14 months not only has he not gone out in a year and a half, but he has actually apologized to me for ever leaving me home alone and pregnant while he was out drinking.. He has also quit drinking ebcause he now acknowledges that he is an alchoholic.

I said all that to say this. Who knows if he will stop drinking. He might never stop, or his daughter might be his only motivation to stop. It's anyone's guess. Keep in mind also that your emotions might be very unstable right now. Also, as your daughter's mother it's up to you to defend your daughter's welfare if he spends important bill money or is out binge drinking.... I wish I could give you a definitive answer but the best I can do is help you think it out. Feel free to send me a message if you need to talk to someone because I have been there!

Answer 3

Pregnancy IS NOT a good reason for marriage. If you are finding it difficult to tolerate his habits now, just wait 2 years, 5 years, 10 years. It doesn't usually get any better. Do you want a wasted man coming home and dropping your baby or passing out while holding her? She could easily be suffocated. I wouldn't want that to happen. You need to give him an ultimatum and stick with it. Don't stay just because you are afraid to be alone. You CAN do it - he will tell you that you can't. I never thought I would make it, my daughter is now 11. My ex also told me that no one else would want me because I was used merchandise. There are so many men out there that will stand up and be responsible fathers for children that are not theirs. I am thankful every day that I left my daughters father. We are so much better off, and you will be too. Also, do you want to explain to your daughter why her father died at 50 because of alcohol related illness?

Answer 4

Honey, I wish you would have left a long time ago instead of putting up with this. You need to sit down and have a talk with him tell him the very next time he goes on one of his drinking binges when he gets back home his stuff will be outside waiting on him to go somewhere else. And do not let him come back until he is seriously going to take care of his resposiblilities and not act like a child himself. Hope everything works out ok for you and Good Luck.

Answer 5

I'm sorry you're going through this. What he's doing is not right. You should of set him straight from the beginning...do you know what he's doing when he's out til 5 am??? He should be at home with you! If my hubby did that .....he wouldn't be my hubby anymore. He's acting like a single 20 yr old man ...he does need to grow up for you and your daughter!! Hopefully he wouldn't be doing this while you're at home taking care of a newborn baby. If he doesn't I would leave if I were you! Do it for yourself and do it for your daughter. Give him an ultimatum....if he doesn't go through then leave...Good luck and congrats

Answer 6

That is totally up to you...but if I were in your shoes, I would leave. If he is doing this now to you, the mother of the baby, then the baby probably isn't going to make much of a difference for him either....you don't like the situation, so why would you want your baby involved. He is 32, I would say it is time to grow up, I would get out before anything happens to you or the baby. Congrats on the baby!

Answer 7

u should have told him before 5 years back this is not the way it should be when some one is alone , well he/she can do what ever she/he wants but i should say the fault is yours that u didn't tell him any thing in a very first day when u have been stayin up ol night long for him to get back u havn't done that well what do u expect from him now ? talk to him get over it tell him i can't take it any more ,tell him for how long ? u hadn't enough fun? u still want some more aight that's fine then am out til 7 8 oclock in the morning and u can take care of the baby if not then am not resposible to take care of her i wanna have fun 2 ...do tell him this let's see whats hes answer

Answer 8

I grew up with an alcoholic (ex) step-father, my brother grew up with is father being an alcoholic, and it didn't bother my brother because he was too little but I have been in counciling for over 10 years because of it. PLEASE think of your child's best interest. Most states will help a pregnant women and her baby until she can get back on her feet, so please don't worry too much about money if you do kick him out (which wouldn't matter anyway if he's only spending it ) It sounds to me like hes not mature enough or ready for a baby. Maybe Give him until the baby comes to straighten his act up and if he doesnt, then tell him to leave!

Answer 9

I was in the same situation you are now. My husband (boyfriend at the time) worked out of town 4 days a week, and I was home pregnant and alone. When he came home, he was out with his buddies all weekend long. I told him I wasn't going to raise my child with some one who was never around. The day my water broke, my boyfriend was planning on going out with his buddies. I told him that I thought my water broke and he didn't believe me. He started to call someone and I was standing in the bathroom. I yelled at him to come look, he did and I thought he was going to faint. His face turned white, and he started rushing around trying to get stuff ready, acting all nervous. It was funny! After the baby was born, I believe he realized how huge the responsibility of becoming a parent actually was. He quit going out almost instantly.

Fortunately we were stable enough, I could quit working. when my boyfriend did go out it was maybe, every two months. He was excited about being a parent.

My advice is to be patient, he'll come around. I hope for your situation it is sooner than later. It is hard to play catchup after being off work, and trying to pay bills. Good luck and best wishes with your upcoming arrival!

Answer 10

That's a tough one. You say he is getting better now but hasn't stopped it completely? Would you be happy if he cut it down to only once a week/ Does it affect any other aspects of your relationship? I don't know that I would leave him over it, see if he will change after the baby is born, however, put off marrying him for awhile.

Answer 11

Sorry to say it but yeah. He will be a very bad example and he isnt stable enough. He needs to go see someone about his drinking and he needs to grow up. He wont do it as long as you show him there are no reprocusions to the way he treats you. You need to have a SERIOUS chat while he is sober and then if you dont get the response you deserve then get out. It doesnt look like he is willing to be a mature, responsible adult and your child should not be subject to that type person.