Thinking about contacting an old flame. I'm married w/2 kids. Yes or no and why?

Question

Been almost 20 years but I still love this woman. I have no intention of trying to get w/her I just want to see how life has turned out for her. I know she's married w/no children but thats about all. I also would not tell my wife because it may hurt her feelings and I do not want to do that. I think about my ex frequently and know she was the only woman I ever fell in love with (I love my wife but was never in love with her if that makes sense). Aside from the obvious "don't because you're married answer" is there any reason I shouldn't. Do you think she would be offended, annoyed, flattered, receptive? How would you feel if it were yo, knowing that this ex still loves you? Again I will not jeopeordize my family but I can't stop wanting to see the one woman who owns my heart. Thanks

Answer 1

You know deep down this is wrong because it is something you would choose to hide from your wife (whether to protect her feelings or keep yourself out of the doghouse with her).

The only good outcome of contacting your old flame would be that you may realize she isn't really the great love you think her to be, and you might appreciate your wife more. Time (and both of you) have moved on. You might discover that she is very happily married and not entirely thrilled to hear from you. Maybe you'd find that the two of you have nothing in common any more and that she is no longer the woman you fell in love with. Whatever... possibly it could open your eyes to the fact that there is nothing to gain and alot to lose by opening up that can of worms.

You say your intentions are innocent, but what would happen if by some chance you contacted her and she is bored with her marriage and acts interested in rekindling the old flame between you. What then? Would you cheat with her and possibly destroy two marriages (or at least the honor and trust in those marriages), or would you turn her down and then feel even more miserable that the "one who owns your heart" could be yours, but you're stuck with your respective spouses?

Think about it. I can understand the appeal of contacting her, but I think it's a major mistake.

Good luck!

Answer 2

First off you say you love your wife but your heart belongs to someone else is wrong. If you still cared for this other person so strongly why did you get married? Don't say for the kids.
Oh and about the old flame what you had was in the past and if you try to get with this person it Will Not be like it was before.But about the friend part yeah I understand wanting to get in touch with her but not telling your wife would hurt her more if she found out that you were seeing a girl behind her back.No matter if she's married or not she might think your cheating.And what would this girls husband say? I would think about it long and very hard before I did get in touch with her. Plus you are married and you need to tell your wife everything,that way nothing is a secret.
I'm not just saying this cause of points I'm saying it cause I'm married and I know how I would feel if it was me.
Oh and Jimmy is right too.

Answer 3

Well here's the obvious "dont because you are married" if you know it will hurt your wife then why do it. If I had an ex in love with me contact me {and I am married} honestly I wouldnt be to thrilled about it because get this an ex is an ex for a reason and therefore let it go. Stop harping on the past she's not the same person she was 20 some years ago furthermore you really shouldnt keep things from your wife. If your unhappy divorce its that simple but do not contact this woman because it will cause more problems in your life then you realize

Answer 4

Dude. You are lying to yourself and a fool if you really believe what you just wrote. Re-read it and be honest. You don't want to tell your wife, you are STILL in love with the woman and you love your wife but aren't IN love with your wife.

You already know the answer. It sounds like you are just looking for someone to come along and validate your flawed reasoning. If you really just want to see how she is then each other pictures via email or webcam. If you meet her in person you will get nostaglic and if there is just an INKLING of the POSSIBILITY something is there you will let the flood gates go.

Here's what will happen if you meet. You'll get nostalgic, sentimental, say things are "ok" but she isn't really happy. You'll confess the same thing maybe kiss just to see if something is "still there" (translation if this is a kiss you both want) and if it is make no mistake your clothes will be coming off faster then th Flash on speed and she'll be like a crack hoe sucking as if someone sprinkled rock on your johnson.

You can't hold fire in a paper bag. And that's exactly what this is. Then you will ignite old feelings or someone will feel different whatever it is something will change one may try to go back to their tiny simple lives and the other will want more or you'll both turn it into a regular thing and eventually somewhere along the way someone will get burned.

I know a co-worker who went thru this and I watched her life implode. She met an old flame, one who really just rocked her world, just to "talk." She, much like you, thought her hubby was a great guy but he just didn't do it in the area of passion. That talk with old flame turned into a lie to a husband, an unattended conference and 3 days of sex in a hotel room.

In the end? He went on his way and he left such a mark on her in unleashing this pent up frustration she couldn't go back to that simple bland life and the ideal man was in another part of the country so she found 2 other guys to film the void.

You either need to fix your marriage or get out. Cuz if you meet this woman you will either be crushed if she doesn't feel the same way, consumed if she does and ruined if it ends

Answer 5

Truth is only you can make this decsion. I myself have been married for four years and I love my wife very much. Some people here would tell you that its impossible to be with two women. I believe that is completely wrong. For some reason you two ended the relationship, we don't know the detail so we can really discuss that. Occasionally I tend to think about my first love, not to track her down but basically to find out how she's doing. I cared about her a great deal and hope that she's doing well.

I haven't done this, because for one I know it would upset my wife. Also I really wouldn't want to disrupt what she has going on in her life. Now back to your situation, its been 20 years you should just let it go. You two have taken completely different paths in your life. Contacting her would cause more pain for everyone involved. I know your curious, but you really should just let this thing go.

Answer 6

well Im sure u not very stable in your actions for one thing! U did marry even though u loved another more? It sounds like its more a fantasy your chaseing and not reality .Its like wanting the high again of the old flame but it doesnt come out that way in real life.No I wouldnt let this chic know u think of her at all.It makes u seem wishy washy and stupid cause u are married .She will respect u much less than before because u are unstable in your life actions.U would be a play thing a ego booster for the chic.And if your lucky your wife is receptive to your real self and will leave u so u can persue your fantasy of what could be!

Answer 7

We all some time wonder what if?.... and some times live in our past. Nothing wrong in thinking about the past as long as you don't try to make it your present or future. Well you should ask yourself what would you do if your ex told you that she still loves you? You obviously don't want to ruin your marriage, so why take the risk. Even if you don't think there is a probability of ruining either your or your ex marriage. What is she is not happy in her marriage and sees you as an escape. There is too many what ifs. Its never smart to play with fire, because you never know who or what you might end up burning.

Answer 8

has all to do with your ego, and wanting to see it u still have it, and are still desirable. maybe u shouldn't because it could turn out to really hurt your ego, more than help it. it is easy to think of someone in our past, that we haven't seen for years, and declare that they were the only one we ever loved, and that we really aren't in love with who we are with. kind of sad, just said the very same thing about an ex of mine the other day. if i knew an ex still loved me, i would think twice, mainly because i would never do anything to hurt he person i am with now. we can always look back into out past, and wish we were still there, but really was it all that great, or is it because we no longer have it anymore. we seem to forget the reason it ended in the first place. leave well enough alone, as she may not share the same feeling as u do about her, and it will leave u with a real sense of loss, best to just remember, and cherish the memories, rather than have them destroyed too.

Answer 9

She only owns your heart because there is that factor of the unknown. You don't live with her, you haven't seen her like you have your wife. Just ask yourself how you would feel if your wife wanted to contact that boy she loved back in the day. I sure there was one. It is a terribly selfish thing to do and sneaky. It is unfair to the woman and your wife and family. Leave the past where it is!

Answer 10

Isn't it bad enough that you have loved another women for 20 yrs and think of her often ? Why must you be even more selfish by doing something as stupid as seeking her out ? Why is it your only thinking about what you want ? Your not telling your wife for her benefit, your doing it for your own benefit. How would you feel if tomorrow you found out that your wife was actually in love with another man for the past 20 yrs and wanted to see him ?