My wife of four years decided two days ago to move out with our baby and into her babies fathers apartment. I have been with her since she was two months pregnant and have provided for both of them and have been there everyday. He only pays child support because he was forced to, but has recently gotten a job. I thought it was great that they were becoming friends, but he stole her from me while I though he was my friend (I even lent him money). She says that she is confused, that she doesnt know what she wants, but she wants to try with him. She told me that she wants to move up, what I think is that she wanted to move out of my mothers house where we were staying since my mom and her don't get along. The killer is that we were two months from having the money to move out. I have already made the mistakes of begging, crying, being upset. She says she wants to be my friend. It seems like she just wanted out of the house, and is using him and then will come back to me. What should I do?
2007-01-12 04:55:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Deep breath. OK, this won't be easy. Please take this advice as the bitter pill that it is, not as an insult, but what I think you need to face up to.
She wants a man. You need to get yourself together. You need to figure yourself out and find your masculinity. She wants to feel your strength. She wants to feel she can trust you. She needs to be able to trust you. If there is any drug or alcohol addiction or any other character weakness you struggle with, you need to conquer it.
I know you are in lots of pain. You need to get past that. You need to realize that your life will continue on with or without her. You need to let her go. Only alone, finding your way, getting out of your mother's house, and displaying that you can be a leader for her and your family do you have any chance to win her.
But you cannot do this work *in order to* get her back. You must do this work for yourself. You must dig down and find your foundation. You must love yourself and take the reins of your life firmly. This is the test of your life. Can you pass it?
If, after some time, she sees a man who is sure of himself, who loves himself and his life and has a clear vision of a future, a path, then she may come back to you, if you still want her. After this transformation, you may find that someone else is better for you. But forget all of that. Now you just need to gather yourself together, heal, get in touch, get connected to yourself, your desires, and get on your life path.
Every woman wants to be with someone who is sure of themself. They want to be able to trust that you will not waver from your path. They want to feel protected and safe. Both physically and emotionally. They need to feel that they can trust your guidance as well as trust that you hear and respond to their needs.
I am sorry you find yourself in such a painful situation. Life is like that, but just remember that no woman makes a man. You must make yourself and find your own strength.
I might recommend a therapist, if you can afford it. Get clear, get clean, get on your feet financially and stride forward into life. The rewards of woman and your own baby will follow.
good luck.
2007-01-12 05:24:15 · answer #1 · answered by shaymana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this received't be what you want to hearken to yet you want to break up!!!! She already informed you that she loves him better than you and he or she's not even treating you the same anymore so evidently she already has her recommendations made up. Thats her childs father so she's continually gonna have that connection with him. He would nicely be an asswhole and also you would possibly want to nicely be the only for her yet perchance she doesnt see that and prefer I suggested once you've a baby in straightforward with someone it transformations the total recreation. it will be demanding and to allow flow yet you should do what you acquire to do. If it truly is the ladies that you want to spend something of your existence with then flow all out and get your spouse decrease back yet in case you sense that she is basically too a concepts lengthy previous then walk away and discover some different person without drama and someone who will love you for you. i'm in a relationship now (wit toddler daddy) on and rancid for 12yrs and we were by hell n decrease back infidelity and each and everything so i'm able to narrate to a level yet once you want someone you should objective to paintings it out!! My feeling for him are literally not just about as good as they were when I first were given with him yet were attempting to paintings it out yet when she isnt prepared then you ought to flow on and discover somelse who's nicely worth your wild. Karma is a ***** and everybody reeps what the stitch!!!!
2016-12-02 04:16:20 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was with you until the last "and then she will come back to me".
Don't let her use you like that!! She's sleeping with him no matter what she says or what you are willing to believe!! Wake up!!
Where's your pride? Sail off Sailor!!! Wave that chick Goodbye.
If she ever DOES come back she better BEG if it were me and I'M A MARRIED WOMAN!! Such crap to pull!! (Makes me miss my youth) Oh, Anyway, IF she tries to use you again, make sure she knows your rules. She forfeited hers. I think your Mom might have sniffed her motives out and you can't see it because you like the loving. You can do better without blaming it on your mom and I want you to remember this: HELL is living with a woman that hates your mother and vice versa. This isn't TV and everybody does NOT love Raymond, dude!! Get a Clue and Be Cool!! Good Luck!! @8=) You kiddos.
2007-01-12 05:07:04 · answer #3 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly if she was only moving out to get away from family she wouldnt be telling you that she want to be your friend. Truth is she never stop having feelings for him and always planned on being with him if he got his life together. she was with you because you were supporting her and gave her love which she sorely needed .
Women who are married dont just get up one day and move in with their babies daddy and say within that same time frame that she only wants her husband to be her friend. .Dont allow her to play a game wiht your heart, cause she will be the only winner from this all .. money is her only objective
2007-01-12 05:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by Amazing_clarity 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
tell her i want to work and u must to work to earn money and don't go there.. because of the money she will leave u and have him... no one use other for something... it's a cruel life.. why she having this idea maybe she loves him and act like she is not .. then she will discover she want him and leave u.. so don't let her play this game and tell her she must to come back and we will handle our problems.. tell her to stay with your kids better to be with him OK
2007-01-12 05:02:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her flowers and wish her all the best with her new life and move on-out of your Mom's house and start fresh.
2007-01-12 05:10:25 · answer #6 · answered by Janne -Sue 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will surely not be easy to let go of the situation given everything you've put in. I would tell her that she has to make a decision between you and her ex, she can't have it both ways. If she can't put you first then you're going to have to...
2007-01-12 05:04:39 · answer #7 · answered by Strangeismyname 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude forget her man. She used you and then gave you the shaft!
2007-01-12 05:00:47 · answer #8 · answered by fuji 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋