I've always made a point of being a good listener and making sure I'm there for people when they need me but recently it seems like that's all they want me for. They never seem to want to go out with me, just want me to listen to their problems, which makes them feel better, then they go off with their "cooler" friends. What am I doing wrong?!
2007-01-12 04:25:36 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
It is true that being a good listener is very valuable, but sometimes people talk far too much about the same problems, but never do anything about them; in that case listening is really not what's needed. You'd need to stop them and tell them something there.
Also if a person were depressed, they'd love to take things off their chest, but mostly it's not talking they really need but something to cheer them up.
Talking doesn't always help, just as listening isn't always the best option. In general, after a person tells you once what the problem is, steer the conversation to the line of "what are you going to do now?"
Also, if your friends are just looking for someone to listen to their problems and that's all they come for, than can they be called friends?
And if they don't invite you anywhere they go to, is it ok, that you are pushing hard to be a good friend?
Your time should be spent on people that deserve your time,
what's the point of trying really hard to be a good listener to someone that isn't even trying to be a good friend to you?
A friendship is a two way thing. You should be getting something in return too.
2007-01-12 04:55:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if they feel good when they talk to u then it seems that u are a great person but..i don't think it's ok!!! cuz if they go with someone else why do they even bother to talk to u....honestly now....?? why don't u make more friends if u have or make new friends...maybe they will appreciate u for who u are not just because u are a great listener...
find someone who can hear your problems 2... maybe this is what u need... and if u are not like this take it on the other part.... just tell them how u feel about being left alone and behind....let them know that u are not just someone who can listen to their problems....... it's all about u if u are shy and if u think that u will lose some of them don't feel like that cuz friends come and go..,, and another thing...they are not really ur friend if they do this....
2007-01-12 12:45:59 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are letting yourself be used. That old adage about loving yourself may sound selfish, but it's true. You have to be your own best friend. It's great that you are a good listener and there for people but their needs should always be secondary to your own. ask yourself, are you a good listener because you want people to like you? If this is true, you need to spend more time listening to yourself and your own problems. You say "cooler friends" you shouldn't think of yourself in those terms - from your own pov you are the coolest person of all - you like all the same stuff as yourself, and always know exactly what you want to do!!
2007-01-12 20:39:14 · answer #3 · answered by empanda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hunni for a while maybe just be too busy, out of reach and soon you'll find that they know your true worth! but on the other hand who needs friends who dont seem to care about you! you sound like an amazing person who deserves some true friends, ill bet they'll be lining up! chin up be strong and you will emerge stronger with some true friends! good luck my love! xx
2007-01-12 12:48:24 · answer #4 · answered by pinkjessie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing nothing wrong. I think that you need to find other people to hang with. I'd love to have you as a friend. Those people are just a bunch of losers
2007-01-12 12:34:15 · answer #5 · answered by Second Chance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them next time you are too busy to help them and see if they come back again, or set up a night out with them and see if they will go if not they arent really friends. Another thing you might try is spilling your problems and feeling onto them if they get pi$$y and upset with you again they arent your friends. just IMHO
2007-01-12 12:30:15 · answer #6 · answered by i_need_sum_sleep 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i used to have that prob too..you have to nip the prob in the bud. confront the ppl that are doing this to you and tell them how you feel. yes you are being used. those ppl are not friends, they are using you because you are nice. sometimes nice people dont win in the end. kindness is awesome, but some people mistake kindness for a weakness. if you dont stand up for yourself you're only going to make it worse on yourself in the end.
2007-01-12 13:54:51 · answer #7 · answered by jeneric803 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't just listen to anyones problems listen to the people you care about. some pple are cruel they will just talk to you when they want something and when they are done they leave you and those are the kind of pple you should be aware of. don't have nothing to do with them they are users
2007-01-12 12:49:52 · answer #8 · answered by sasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sincerely it's abusing friend. And I'm in the same boat, so advice leave that friend in question and do your own life and you can make new friends. Good luck.
2007-01-12 13:54:53 · answer #9 · answered by Jo-Jo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that it is you it's the girls that you are trying to date sounds to me like u need a real girl or women anywayz i wouldn't worry about it to much but yeah i know easy for me to say right but you would be suprised anywayz girls love to use guys thats for sure
2007-01-12 12:31:39 · answer #10 · answered by Victoria M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋