ok my boyfriends mother is going to control the pregnancy and my life he is 19 i am 18 she is ruining our?

Question

relationship and we have a baby on the way idk what to do everday she calls me where is bobby who is he with what is he doing when will be home ll those same ?'s everday she doesnt know i am pregnant yet she says when u have MY grnadchildren if u dnt take care of them i willtake them away from you i will take MY granchildren whenever I want she blames everything on me her son does no wrong she aprroved when he had cheated on me and made a excuse for him she wants us to move to virgini which might i add was MY idea now since we planned on moving she all of a sudden wants to move not just next door but buy a split level house and have us live there someone PLEASE HELP right now all i think about is keeping ,ysekf and this baby FARRR AWAY from her

Answer 1

She is going to make your life hell, you need to move FAR away from her before this baby is born.

Answer 2

Well probably part of the problem is that all you said is "boyfreind". His mother obviously does not see you as a permanent spouse. Until she can see that there is a commitment she will probably be unlikely to even start accepting you. Has she ever met you? Maybe she resents not being prominant enough in her sons life that she didn't even get a formal introduction. If she hasn't gotten to know you she probably will still treat you like a stranger. I'm sure as a mother she might be concerned because you are both so young. If she knows your having a long term, possibly life-time commitment she may have reservations about two such young people knowing how to commit for that long. Perhaps her ethnic/religious background makes her highly opposed to living/sleeping together before marriage. If your boyfriend is of another ethnicity it could be because she is opposed to biracial relationships. Was the woman he cheated with of the same race/religion/etc... and your not? She should place some of the fault on her son but probably views you as the one who corrupted him to "make" him do it because she "raised him better than that". Have you tried talking to her as an adult about what your concerns are? You must show maturity in order for her to see you as mature. If you don't feel you can do it over the phone try sending her a letter. If you don't want to talk to her getcaller ID if you don't have it and let an answering machine get it. If you can't work things out a little I would not recommend moving near her and definately not into a home that's attached to hers. It could be benificial in the long term if you can get along because she could help out alot with the baby but if you have more family where you are right now that can help out then you should stay put. As a mother of two believe me, you will need all the help you can get once that baby comes. Stay wherever you can get the most help with the least amount of agravation. As for controlling the pregnancy there's not a whole lot she can control. It's your body! She can't control morning sickness, weight gain, edema, and all the other natural and uncomfortable processes. She probably will tell you how everything should be done what to eat etc... but she can't actually force you to do anything. Besides you should get ready for plenty of unwanted pregnancy advice because once people can see it you will get it from perfect strangers at the grocery store and everywhere else you go. She would have to go through alot of legal proceedings in order to take away your children and they are hardly ever taken from a parent unless it can be proved that the parent is endangering the child (mentally or physically). That's often hard to prove unless they are really abusive or live in an extremely unsafe environment. Of course the best thing would be if your boyufriend can set her straight since his opinion of her is the only one that will matter to her. He has got to tell her how important you are to him and that your not going anywhere or she will never change. On a pesonal level I can't believe you would stay with someone who has cheated on you in the first place especially if you were not pregnant at that time. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You will have to spend the rest of your life wondering why is he late? Why isn't he answering his cell/work phone, etc... It would be too much worry for me. Now that your having a baby though It's easier to stay together but keep a close watch on him since pregnancy is a prime time for cheating spouses, especially when you start feeling too ill or awkward to engage in sexual inercourse. He's gonna' look for it elsewhere. Good luck!

Answer 3

First and foremost, you and your boyfriend need to have a very frank and precise conversation regarding his mother and your life together. Come to an understanding that this is your life together and your child. She and anyone else are a part of your lives but do not control it. The decisions you make together are for your family and their interference will not be tolerated. DO NOT SHARE A HOME WITH HER! DO NOT RENT OR BUY A HOME FROM HER! DO NOT ALLOW HER TO MOVE NEXT DOOR TO OR ACROSS THE STREET FROM YOU! DO NOT ALLOW HER TO COME OVER WITHOUT CALLING AND GETTING THE OK FIRST! DO NOT LET HER HAVE KEYS TO YOUR HOME OR CARS! That will be the beginning of the end. It will be Everybody Loves Raymond x 1000 with absolutely no humor about it. She will only get away with what you allow her to. Set your boundaries and do not allow her to cross them. If you give her and inch, she will take a mile. She needs a short leash and it has to be used by both of you or else she will always have one up on you. Stay on top of your game or she will take the ball and run with it.

Answer 4

How can she control your pregnancy? It's your body. You sound too immature to be having a child. Also why are you with a boy who cheats on you. Where do you think your relationship is going to be in the future? Whether she wants to or not she can't just take your baby because she thinks you are a bad mom. It takes a long legal process and she would have to prove you unfit. Obviously you don't need me or anyone else to tell you that it would be a mistake to move in with this woman. Hopefully you will receive some help from your own mother. You need to tell his mother to back off.

Answer 5

you're going to have to grow a backbone and tell the woman to back off. no wait, that won't work. Tell your boyfriend to grow a backbone and cut the apron strings. I have the feeling that there are some background issues you aren't discussing, so I don't know the whole picture. Here's what I can tell you. You're 18, a legal adult. You're not married to the father of your child. You automatically have full, sole custody of the child unless the father challenges that in court. You're the child's mother, you say where the child goes, who with, and how long and what the child is allowed to do. Don't let the grandmother control you and don't be afraid of her. Unless something happens to both you and your boyfriend, or you both are drug users or criminals in jail, as long as you provide your child with what he/she needs, the grandmother has no legal right to challenge for custody, no state is going to do that. At most, she may recieve visitation rights. And, for your sake, no matter how she or your boyfriend might try to cajole or strong-arm you, DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HER!!!!!!! That is a BAAAAAAAD idea most of the time. How can you and boyfriend grow in your relationship and as adults if she tries to "guide" (or control) all your decisions? DON'T DO IT!!!

Answer 6

OK, if she won't listen to you, then bring your mother into the picture (this can get ugly but sometimes it needs to be done). If I were in your situation, I would tell him either get his mother to lay off or your are taking yourself out of this situation. Make it his call, for him to decide what he is going to do about it. And just an FYI his mother has not rights as a grandparent and you don't have to let her take them whenever she wants. If you love this guy then you need to move away from her and he needs to stand his ground if he is a man and loves you.

If he cheated on you, then I would leave his butt, he won't made a good husband and since he let you down, he will prob let your child down. **I know from experience, from my oldest child's father, I got pregnant, he cheated on me, and he hasn't seen his daughter in 5 years and she is only 6.**

Answer 7

Been there, done that! Except I was living with my ex at his parent's house! Do NOT move into a split level house with them! Tell her you appreciate her concern, but would like privacy with your boyfriend and want to experience living together on your own. She can't just take your kids away. She would have to prove that you both are completley unfit parents to get custody. Grandparents really have no rights, so she can't just take them from your home whenever she wants either. I would (if possible) get yourselves an apartment and make yourselves look self-sufficient, before telling her you're pregnant!

Answer 8

Sounds like moving far away from him and her would be a great idea. Why stay with a guy that cheated on you?? She is WAY too controlling and he won't stand up for you. If you want her to back off, you are going to have to stand up to her controlling ya'll or just move like you said. Sounds like moving will leave you alot more sane than putting up with her. As for sharing a building with her, much less a street or a city, I'd pass. Meddling parents living so close is not going to help your relationship, only harm it.

Answer 9

Well let me start off by saying that both of u are very young to begin with, but what is done is done..Now both have to really sit down and realize the huge responsibility that both have decided (hopefully) to take upon..You both need to think of what is important to both and put your priorities straight..Unfortunately, some mothers are like that, their children don't do no wrong and now that you are going to be a mother you will understand. Of course, one can't be that naive and believe your child is 100% perfect, no one is..You really need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him that his mother has to STOP interfering in both your lives..He has to really put a fine line between his mother.. She has a right to see her grandbaby but not think she is the mother and tell you how and what to do with your baby..I think she is welcome to give you suggestions and some advice being that as a first time mom it will help you out..One advice, whatever you two decide do not move in together..It will never work out..She don't live with you guys now and look how she is, imagen living with her 24/7..I wish you both the best of luck..

Answer 10

Girl you are grown. You are 18 u make your own decisions. Dont let someone take over you. You are the mother of that child not her. She has no right to take your child from u unless u do drugs or neglect your child. She is obviously childish. Do what u want its YOUR life and YOUR baby. Let your man know how u feel too. But just so u know ultamately u make the decisions b/c u r the mother.

Answer 11

Yeah, you got yourself a mamma's boy who cheated on you and then you got pregnant by him. Welcome to the wonderful world of adulthood and congrats on your pregnancy. Now it's time for you to be an adult and tell this woman exactly what is going on and that she will have no reason to take the child away from you. You are really in a desperate situation. The only thing I can tell you is to be strong and don't back down on her. A judge will take a child away only if it's proved that the mother and/or father are abusive, neglectful, addicts, etc. Don't stress and DON'T LET HER TWIST YOUR HEAD!!!!! She is manipulative, don't play her game, but don't let her get away with it either. Good luck.

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Oh, and tell her that if she wants to keep tabs on her son to buy him a cell phone.