My husband (separated 9 months) is going on the annual guys ski trip just as he does every year since we were married ten years ago. He also sent out holiday cards with the kids' picture on it with the usual signature that we used before he left and put his new address as the return address.
His parents have assisted his departure. While they say that they believe that he is being self centered and foolish, they enable him by meeting the girlfriend (who he had before he left) and buying furniture and art for his new house. He is 40 years old.
I told the girlfriend that she could have him and good luck so that is not the issue.
I refused to have the kids during the boys' ski week. It was HIS week on the child sharing schedule. They are staying with his parents. I get them the following Friday and will have them for three weeks. While people say "tey are our kids, what kind of mother are you" no one is saying to him that he didn't need to go on a ski trip.
2007-01-12 03:54:05 · 26 answers · asked by gerry f 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO TAKE THEM. Y CAN'T THE KIDS SKI?? HE NEEDS TO BE A MAN, TELL HIM AFTER AL THE SHI* HE PUT U AND THE KIDS THRU THEY DESERVE THIS
TRIP
2007-01-12 03:57:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well, personally I would try and work something out to maybe switch weeks or something but if he's being such an A** that he actually just sends his kids to their grandparents, then really it's a wake up call to him. Just make sure that what ever you do, the children are always well taken care of and are happy. If they're having a good time with the grandparents, than that's fine. But both of you need to make sure that you can work things out so that the kids are never shuttled away and that their happiness comes first, even before getting back at him as well as his ski trip.
2007-01-12 12:00:48 · answer #2 · answered by kat 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You are absolutely justified in your irritation. Your reasoning is valid. Too bad for him. The situation is different now. He isn't married and he doesn't get to see the kids the way he used to. He is sacrificing his "time" with his children to go play with the "boys".
I believe the parents could have helped alot by not enabling him and at the same time I can understand. If my boys were men and I disagreed with their choices ; I would still do what I could to help them. That sounds bad , but , I think you can understand in light of the fact that you are a mother too.
You are a good mother and your are absolutely RIGHT about not having the kids during "HIS" skii week. Just be glad that they are going to stay with their grandparents instead of the homewrecker.
There isn't anything else you can do to make him do the right thing. He showed his immaturity when he walked out on his family.
Take advantage of the time alone and pamper yourself secure in the knowledge they are being cared for.
Stay out late with gf's. Go to dinners. Invite people over. Go to a day spa. Do whatever you wish you had time for. Don't use the time to "clean". You probably do enough of that already.
Enjoy yourself.
2007-01-12 12:08:46 · answer #3 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
If you are going to have custody of the children the following 3 weeks, there is no need for you the be a "babysitter" for them so he can get out of town. He should have tried to make arrangements with you to try to trade weeks with you so that he would not miss out on spending time with them and you could have the same amount of time with them and have time to yourself as well. It really says more about him as a father- that he is willing to pass off the kids for his entire week of visitation and not see them for an entire month- than it does about you. you are a fine mother, taking responsibility, whereas he is putting HIS needs before all others. hang in there and keep up the good work.
2007-01-12 14:53:48 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer S 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I guess I am going to strike a nerve here by saying this; I would love to have my children as much as possible, no matter what. If there is day care incurred during this time, then the father is responsible for the cost, not you. By not taking your kids when you can, you are punishing them for how your ex has manipulated the situation. This may not be the way that you perceive this, but as children go, they have a way of blaming themselves and personalizing things that they should by no means be putting on themselves. You are not a bad mother, just hurt and pissed off by what your ex is doing and how he is going about things. You need to be there for your kids and take every opportunity to hug them kiss them and tell them that you love them. Sometimes you just need to suck it up and put your (valid as they are) feelings aside and put those children first. Good Luck
2007-01-12 12:07:30 · answer #5 · answered by NolaDawn 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
While I do agree that he shouldn't have scheduled to go out of town while it was his week, the way you handled it was also inappropriate. No matter what he does, doesn't excuse your behavior either. By sending them to your in- laws instead of keeping them yourself and switching visitation weeks, you are sending your kids the message that neither of their parents want them or at the very least that you are rigid and ungiving. It may not be the message you intended, but it is the one you sent. It is very obvious you are angry, but you are taking it out on the wrong people. Your kids aren't the problem he is, and if he is unable or unwilling to take them you should have.
I have a step son with a mother just like you. Everyone feels sorry for him. (I also had a mother that was mad at my dad after the divorce).The visitation agreement is just a standard, not the letter of the law. If something comes up, you need to be flexible. Separation is hard on everyone, but especially the kids. You should do everything in your power to protect them, not try to make a point at their expense. In the end, the kids don't understand the point you are trying to make and all everyone around you sees in a bitter angry woman that will do anything to hurt her ex, even use her children. That was wrong.
I'm not trying to attack you, just open your eyes. I'm sure you love your children, now you need to fight the imulse to lash out at him and put your kids first. Things are always going to come up with the visitation schedule. Be more flexible, your kids will appreciate it and love you for it. Spending time at Grandma and Grandpa's house isn't the issue, it's the reason they did. You didn't send them there to see their grandparents, you sent them there because you are angry at your ex for going on vacation instead of taking the kids. He's an @ss, but don't stoop to his level.
Love your kids and yourself more than you hate him and everything will be fine, not always easy, but it will work out. But if you hate him more than you love your kids, then everyone is going to suffer, especially your children.
2007-01-12 12:23:44 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I think you are just trying to ruin a good time for you soon to be ex. Be careful because what goes around does come around. One day you'll be needing that weekend away from the kids so you can go on a romantic get away with a new guy and guess what... not gonna happen.
His parents may not agree with what he's doing but he is their son so it's understandable that they would be there for him. Don't expect them to do for you instead of him.
Be careful and try to work on your unresolved feelings about the separation and the anger that goes with it. You may be in danger of being jaded and unreasonable.
2007-01-12 12:20:54 · answer #7 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You were in the right. It was HIS week, and the ski trip could of waited another week.
You are not a bad mother, and do not let others guilt you into believing that you are. You deserve not to have your visitation schedule messed up because of his idiocy.
What I would of done, was said o.k. I will take them, BUT you are going to pay me the current daycare rate for the ENTIRE time. I would of added up all the hours in the week and set the amount in front of him, and then charged him for any and all plans that I had to change because of him being stupid.
2007-01-12 12:01:38 · answer #8 · answered by siriusblackpearl 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
He needs to understand all of the consequences of divorce and that means that now he can't go every where he wants to exactly when he wants to unless he finds childcare if it's his week.
While one side of me thinks you should have swapped a week with him so the kids wouldn't be deprived of their dad for a whole month (that how I interpret your visiting schedule), the other side of me certainly understands your frustration and him expecting you pick up his slack..(he made his bed, now he can lie in it)..so all in all, I certainly can't blame you. He needs to learn right off the bat that he is no longer the center of your universe or even his universe for that matter.
2007-01-12 12:04:37 · answer #9 · answered by kathylouisehall 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your not a bad mother and don't let outsiders get under your skin. HE needs to adhere to the schedule and he could have changed the date of his annual ski trip. Keep your head up and brush off what yuckers have to say.
2007-01-12 11:58:13 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If I were you I would be more than happy to have the kids! That just shows the kids how irresponsible their dad is. I have a son and I can't imagine being without him for a whole week, I love him too much!
2007-01-12 12:38:25 · answer #11 · answered by EVEC 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋