I left my ex last year and moved with my daughter to another state. My ex agreed to every other weekend visitation, which I say is more than sufficient considering her young age. Now he is saying that he is moving to our city and expects to see my daughter more often! I left him because we disagreed about parenting and lifestyle, and he was just so unsupportive of me. I was miserable with him and his "community" of loser friends.
He also now expects that he and I will decide where to raise her - I plan on moving back to the city where I grew up so that she can be near her grandparents. also I am getting married and I want my future children to be with their grandparents too.
I need this loser out of my life so that I can move on and provide a healthy, stable home for my family. But he keeps butting in and wants to follow where we move. He can't provide the kind of stable life for my daughter that I can. I am getting married so she will have that stable father figure at home.
2007-01-12 03:52:51 · 29 answers · asked by mommydearest 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't mind if he wants to come visit her occasionally (like he did before and that worked out fine for us) , but she doens't need him in her daily life because she is going to have a dad at home!
2007-01-12 03:55:51 · update #1
Imagine that... a dad that wants to play a role in his daughter's life... tsk tsk tsk... what's the world coming to?
.
2007-01-12 03:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by I hate friggin' crybabies 5 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Oh, he is trying to be a real father? That JERK.
Like it or not, he is your daughter's father. Unless she is in physical danger when she is with him, then she should have the right to see her father. This is not about you or about him. This is about her. Just because you two could not work out your differences, does not mean that she should suffer more than she already has. I know Hindsight is 20/20- but you should have discussed parenting styles and values BEFRORE you married, then you would not be in this mess. I hope for the sake of your daughter and future children, that you have discussed these things with the new fiance. The minute you made the decision to split, your daughters stable life went out the window. Yeah the new hubby can be a good male role model, but she already has a father and like it or not, there is nothing you can do about it. Now you need to just quit fighting with him and start getting along for the sake of your daughter.
The men that you have in your life will have a direct effect on her. Teach her, by example how to find a decent guy. Teach her that love is not always enough. THat you need similar values an lifestyles to make a happy family. Stop thinking about yourself so much and start putting her first. THe minute you got pregnant your life became about her, all about her. I don't know what kind of man her father is, but unless he is dangerous than she needs to be able to see him.
Your new man is NOT her father, no matter how hard you try. Her Bio dad IS her Father. You can't just go around replacing dad's at a whim. Poor girl.
2007-01-12 12:07:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If he is an ex husband he could have taken you to court to prevent you from moving the daughter out of state. He has rights as a father regardless of any personal feelings to the contrary you may have . I'm not saying this to discount your description which may be true but he is showing an interest and has rights to do so .
If push comes to shove he'll get these rights anyway so you may as well get used to it unless you take him to court and prove him an unfit parent which may or may not be easy depending on how the court would view this man. My advice is don't use the kid to further a personal vendetta against the man , that would be wrong and do your child a great injustice they may well resent in later years like when they understand his point of view also .
Allowing him to see the child does not include you two being close friends but try and be civil with one another for the child's sake. Also your future husband should keep a low profile regarding this and stay out of it if at all possible.
2007-01-12 12:09:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I hope that you have full sole custody of this child, or you may have to abide by court stipulations on moving distances or end up bearing the cost of travel expenses for scheduled visitations.
There is not alot you can do about him moving to where you live, as long as he is not threatening you. it is after all a free country. I know that we sometimes want that chapter of our lives done and over so to speak, not realizing it was more like a novel than a chapter that we were writing!
Be grateful that he wants to be a father! I know so many children that never know their dads, and it is a hard thing to watch, especially when they get to their later teens and start questioning. We might not always agree with our co-parents on most issues, but is is a fate that we brought upon ourselves and we must be responsible in handling the ramifications of our actions, despite how we may regret them.
Bottom line is that he is her father, and is not going to just go away! Adhere to court orders, seek counseling so you can learn what tools to use to cope with it all, and make sure that your child is protected. It is about all you can do.
Chin up and good luck!
2007-01-12 12:20:20 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fact is, you have NO choice but to let him see his daughter. Unless he has done something criminal, a judge WILL grant him more visitation time with her because he lives so close. He may even get joint custody of her.
You have the wrong attitude about her father. If he is willing to see her more than the visitation agreement states right now, you should make her accessable to him. After all, HE is her father, NOT this guy you are going to be getting married to.
If you make things difficult and drive a wedge between her and her father, she will hate you for it later.
Consult an attorney, because if her father is this serious now, you can bet that he will have an attorney somewhere in the near future.
2007-01-12 12:05:51 · answer #5 · answered by siriusblackpearl 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I answered a similar question that you put up yesterday.
The deal is, you cannot stand your ex husband. Fine. Your daughter has a father who cares enough about her to want to be a part of her life. It is his RIGHT as a parent!
You married him and now you are divorced. If you didn't have a child together that would be it. But you do have a child together and thus he will be in your life until your daughter is an adult and can make her own decisions. Get used to it.
2007-01-12 11:59:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Woman! This man is the father of that baby! You slept with him and created this life together so now you HAVE to deal with him for the rest of her life! Suck it up and let him see her when he can. You should be happy for your daughter that she will have a chance to know her father as she grows up. Its a bit selfish of you to try to take that away from both of them. If he's moving across state boundaries to be near her that should tell you that whatever he's lacking for in money he's making up for with love and devotion to her. I'm sure if you compromise about how much visitation he gets with her that he'll compromise on you and your daughter moving to be near your parents. He'll still have less of a drive than before, right? But you really need to stop acting like this is only your child. It's his too.
2007-01-12 12:01:07 · answer #7 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Unless there's a court order that prohibits him to see you or the child, there is nothing much you can do about it. Both of you have equal rights over the child, and both have say in the child's future equally. You might not like him, but that doesn't take away his rights as a parent.
The more you resisit, it will only make you depressed and bring up more problems. Try to compromise somewhere. I know , it's weird,that one has to do this even after divorce. But too bad you had a child with him
2007-01-12 11:59:11 · answer #8 · answered by slickbabe_model_03 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, whoa, WHOA. Unless he's a crack addict or has been in jail or is abusive, he has every right to spend equal time with HIS daughter. Your new fiancee is not your daughters father. Regardless of whether you disagree with his parenting styles or not, unless he's a dangerous father, you'll just have to agree to disagree. He has every right to his child. It makes me so ill when people assume that they are the better parent just because they think their ways of parenting are the only ways. Unless you can come up with a really good reason that will hold water in court without maliciously lying about your ex, I suggest you suck it up and share custody.
2007-01-12 12:08:49 · answer #9 · answered by Lilith 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am sorry to sound harsh, but YOU picked this loser to have children with and now you are suffering the results. He is the child's father, and he has every right to want contact with his child.
If he is truly detrimental to her welfare, you would need to pursue that in court. Even though you can't stand him, you should be happy he wants to continue having a relationship with her. There is something very significant about one's real parents, and her now having a step parent doesn't take away from her biological father's ties.
2007-01-12 12:00:38 · answer #10 · answered by melouofs 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You can take everything he has and move half-way around the world, you can change her last name, you can get court orders..........but the one thing that you can never take from this man is that HE is the "FATHER" of your child..........Live with it.....it might make things better for you......she will grow up someday and will want to know, and when that time comes, I would guess that the ex-husband will not speak highly of you and will tell her what you did to prevent them from having a relationship.........Be careful with your actions, because you will have to deal with the consequences at a later time.......Good Luck
2007-01-12 12:21:53 · answer #11 · answered by wormee38 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋