Ok so it has been almost 1.5 years since his last DWI...two nights ago he got another one. My wife, always the hero and his older sister, is going to bail him out. I say let him rot. She drug him all over last time he did this--court dates, bank, work, etc. He, ironically, is still on probation from the last offense...
My wife says she has to spring him so he can get back to work and keep making money so that he will be able to hire a lawyer and pay all the fees etc. Makes sense....
I think, as previously stated, he should be left in jail. Why? Well he is still on probation so as soon as he is bailed out his probation officer will probably throw him right back in for violating...My 2nd point is that he is not going to learn (and grow up) if everyone always picks up the pieces for him (he is 30). Any advice would be appreciated. If you do not agree with me that is cool...if you don't agree with my wife that is cool....just a 3rd party view would be nice. Thanks!
2007-01-12 03:48:42 · 2 answers · asked by frozenfun 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sounds like he is going to receive some time in custody for his second offense anyway. My advice would be for your wife and sister in law to possibly consider attending some Alanon meetings to help them learn better how to deal with a problem drinker. I like yourself believe that by bailing him it that it is only enabling him to continue this behaviour and shows him that what he did wasn't that bad. Perhaps a few days or months or whatever amount of time he has to serve before trail would be a wake up call to him. I remember quite well the last time I was put into the drunk tank and when I sobered up I said to myself "every time I end up in here it is either drug or alcohol related". I then went to AA thinking that it would help me out when it came time to sentencing. Well things don't always work out as we planned and son of a gun I actually learned to like sobriety better than being a drunken slob that my family was ashamed of. I lost everything due to drinking, my wife and 2 year old son, my job, my self respect more importantly was non existent. That was almost 30 years ago and you know what, I have not spent another night in jail since I sobered up. I'm not saying that this might also happen to your brother in law but he may come to realize that there is a co-relationship between his drinking and loss of license and awaking in jail. Regardless whether they decide to post bail for him or not it would certainly be a wise decision in my opinion to sit down with him and inform him although everyone loves him unconditionally that he needs to grow up and do something for himself and look in the mirror and see who is responsible for all his woes. If he cannot recognize or refuses to admit that he has a problem with booze then tell him that he is on his own regarding poor decisions he may make (ie: driving under the influence etc.) and that if he returns to custody that he will not be bailed out again. Sorry for rambling on so long but I hate to see this happening to any family (as alcoholism is a family disease) and I wish the best for all involved. Once again as by now you may have very well forgotten my initial response I would say that he stay where he is and hopefully learn something from this choice he made and have time to do some soul searching and possibly take a look at his lifestyle and do something to change it. Best of luck.
2007-01-12 04:08:18 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right I leave his *** to rot too
2007-01-12 04:01:41 · answer #2 · answered by hollybell 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋