It hurts me when my husband looks at attractive women, is this wrong?

Question

My husband looks at other women, he gets kinda nervous, he is shy, Ive told him that it makes me feel bad, he says that he wont do it again, but I know he still does.
Im not sure if it is acceptable since there are always going to be very attractive women out there and looking at them may be just harmless.
What do you think?

Answer 1

Its natural for you to feel hurt or a little jealous about it. Just don't take it too far. Also, he should make an effort to not check out other women when he is with you. This would show some respect for you as his wife.

Answer 2

It depends on what he's thinking when he looks at these other women and how he looks at them. If he's just looking, that's normal, he's still alive, he wouldn't look if he weren't! LOL
One thing I did to get over my insecurity with this same thing was to look at the women (and men) too. I look from an artists perspective and see the beauty in them. All people are interesting or beautiful in some aspect.
Remember the things that your husband finds attractive about you and know he loves you the most and finds you the most attractive of all the girls, that's why he chose you.

Answer 3

I can relate to this, as I experienced this in my previous marriage. It's neither wrong for you to feel what you're feeling, nor for your husband to look. The problem is in the emphasis on physical appearance over your inner loving qualities. There will always be more or less attractive women than yourself. I trust there will never be another woman who will love your husband as you do. It's your job to be the most loving woman in his world. It's his job to know the difference between an attractive woman, and the most loving woman in his life, and to treat you accordingly. If those things aren't happening, then it's time to look at the possibility of change. Let him know how you're feeling. Work with him as part of a team to strengthen your marriage. Speak your truth. But be very careful that your behavior comes from a place of love rather than control or power over your partner. Ultimately, in my situation, I decided to leave and become free for someone who will see me more for my inner qualities.

Answer 4

Ok, first off I am married. Secondly men are pigs by nature! LOL Well, not really but they are!! You have to accept that he is just doing what is natural. Mens eyes are drawn to attactive women. I even see myself checking out beautiful women. It's natural to look where beauty is. My husband denied watching "the girls next door" because he thought I would be mad....I was more annoyed that he tried to hide it than the fact that he watched that dumb show. Guys like boobs,butts and great looking women. As long as he is just looking and doing it in a way that is not totally rude then I think it is normal. Now if he is acting on something then that is a whole other story. Even the most beautiful women will tell you that their men look at other women.

Answer 5

Men look at other women for two reasons: 1) to admire them and 2) to appreciate the woman they have even more!

Are you saying that you never look at other men? Do you not look at Brad Pitt or Justin Timberlake or George Clooney (depending on your age)? Women look at professional athletes, too.

It is normal, it is harmless, and to worry about it will only make things worse. Years ago, when I was married, we were at the Mall Of America. The most stunningly beautiful woman I have ever seen walked by in a perfect red dress. She could have been a movie star, a model, or even a Miss America. EVERY head in the mall turned to watch her walk by. 8 years later, during our divorce, my wife brought up that incident again! She harbored that moment for 8 years -- stewing inside of her. And my wife (ex-wife now) was also beautiful, and could turn heads, too.

Women need to understand that we all look -- both men and women. there is nothing wrong with it. If there was, there would be little need for the Nicole Kidman's, Paris Hiltons (well... that's debateable anyway), the Charlize Theron's, the Brad Pitts of the world.

Answer 6

Make sure that you never encourage this behavior by saying things that you notice about other women either in real life or on the television. Such as "She has nice eyes, hair, etc..."
This actually sends him a message that it is okay to look at other women. However, don't expect him never to notice an attractive woman in a public place. You will notice yourself someone who is attractive be it male or female. If he is leering then that is a different story.
Sometimes a dose of his own medicine can work. Ask him how he would feel if you remarked about another man's features. Try to find one that would touch his vulnerable area. Such as 'hair' if he is balding, or fitness if he is out of shape. Ask how he would feel if you did what he did?

Try not to expect him to give up looking at women completely because that just isn't practical. Nip this in the bud as much as possible or you will soon find him surfing porn and that will grow into a viscious addiction.

Answer 7

Humans are visual. We look around, we size up people, we make judgements, we evaluate. Unless a person is forced to always look at the ground, to stay in the house, to wear blinders there is no way not to look at attractive people.
Now you said it upsets you that he looks at attractive women. Would it upset you if he looked at ugly women and got turned on?
Why not lighten up, both of you look at attractive people (ever watch a movie with attractive people in it?) comment about them to each other, comment on how those cloths might look good on each other.
Why not start working to look like those women? Stop worryig about others and work on yourself. Then he'll be too busy watching you maybe...

Answer 8

Listen, it's stupid. I did that too and it's rediculous. We all look at attractive someones or another, even you:

The key is to stop (if you want to) and say "only my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world". But, it's hard to not look FOR ALL OF US MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE" It's just that we simply love staring at beautiful things. But we can keep it private and show some respect to each other by not doing it while we are holding hands walking down the street.

Answer 9

Looking is harmless, leering however.....But I'm not above putting the shoes on the other foot. Men, bless their hearts, don't really change unless it hits them where it hurts. I would say NOTHING to him about it but start looking at other men in his presence. Only when he brings it up that you look at other men would I say "Oh, I'm sorry your hurt. IT wasn't my intention. I thought it was ok. You look at other women constantly and were so open about it, I thought it would be ok to indulge as well." Boy do things change after that. No amount of whining, crying and nagging will effect a man - only action will.

Answer 10

wew, are you related to my wife lol. anyway, I have been doing that since birth :)When questioned by my wife, I tell her its like art, you have to enjoy beauty, and believe me, the older you get, the prettier it looks, not saying anything about sexuaal desires, etc. Just I love to watch a spunky,, well dressed woman, spritely, going along ( noticing no one but staying about her business.) Rather look in front of her, not behind her back. Dp you ever look at an attractive guy, my 4 daughters do. Enjoy him, he's with you ok