my soon to be ex-husband is emotionally abusing my 11 yr daughter?

Question

I'm recently in the middle of a divorce. I have two children one 11 and 22 months old girls. They meen the world to me. I am going through a nasty divorce, My husband is emotionally abusing my 11 yr old. He has visitation rights and sees them every other weekend. I dread when he takes them, because when they come back my 11 yr old is very stressed out from all his sick comment and questions to her. He talks to her likes shes an adult. I dont even think he cares for either one of them, just takes them to go through my daughter to get to me. He has a 19 yr old girlfriend and he his forty. He be littles my daughter in front of his girlfriend, what can I do about this.. My lawyer has done nothing, he doesnt he pay child support, but hes buying his girlfriend 600 dollar coach bags and diamond earings. Please help, hes not a father in my eyes, he couldnt be a husband he treated me the same as he is treating my daughter.

Answer 1

I suggest you write down everything he says and does in a journal and have your daughter do the same if she is comfortable with it.
Then, when you go to file for full custody you can show the judge your notebook (with dates and times, etc) to prove that he is a bad father and isnt responsible enough to care for himself, let alone 2 other people.

Answer 2

First of all, I would explain to your daughter some techniques for avoiding questions one doesn't want to answer, either from you or him. I would not continue the habit of questioning her about what he is doing or saying with her or the girlfriend. This is putting your daughter in, at the very least, an awkward spot between the two of you. His gf and him getting her $600 Coach bags, is well, none of your business. However, his not paying child support is your business. I would suggest either getting another lawyer or houdning yours to get on the stick about the child support and also about setting some boundries on visitation. If he is doing these things to your daughter, I would suggest theraphy for your daughter and submitting the reciepts to the court for him to pay, in addition to any reports the therapist submits, especially showing the negative effects his unsupervised visits are having on your daughters well being. Also, if you can document these things and produce them in court, you might be able to get the judge to make an order regarding his behaviour. In any case, try not to one up your ex be asking your daughter too many questions, she may feel the need to be placating you and actually making her visit seem unhappy, so that you will feel positive towards her (yes, kids do this all the time!) and then doing the same with the Dad about you. You might be being played, or there might be something more to this. In any case, this soon to be ex once was your beloved husband and you trusted him enough to have 2 children by him and now that he has broken your heart, he is a no good dirty sob. You picked him and you must deal with him. Good luck!

Answer 3

File a protective order immediately. During the process of that, you will be asked if you want a guardian ad lit em assigned to the case. They are essentially an attorney for the children. They will investigate the matter fully and do what ever is necessary to protect the children. It is a bit overwhelming, but end results are good for the children. It is the only way you can legally stop the visitation, or in the least, have them supervised by court appointed advocates. And usually, if he wants to see the children he will be the one who bears the cost of the supervisor. Get moving and good luck! I know from personal experience how trying this time can be. Keep your chin up! And stand strong for those kids!

Answer 4

Unfortunately, unless your lawyer can get you full custody, you're screwed.

He is not breaking any laws. Unfortunately, some people are complete and total jerks and there is nothing the government can do about it. Beg and plead with him for full custody. Tell him you will never go after him for child support if he does. Tell him you will never bother him again for any reason.

I am so sorry for you. However, if the law were to interfere in this case, mothers could use that law to force fathers away from their children merely because they don't like the father. That intrudes upon father's rights. Again, he is breaking no laws... he IS being a terrible man, and he's no father for sure... but the government cannot legislate morality.

You must resolve this between yourselves. I would give your daughter a cell phone and pepper spray (to keep hidden) and I would try everything in my power to convince him to give up custody.

Answer 5

Wow! How horrible! If he's not paying child support, he shouldn't have visitation! Get a new lawyer ASAP. Get those babies away from him. Emotional damage is deep. If he can't understand how he is hurting her chances to grow into a beautiful, healthy woman then he doesn't deserve to be around them. If you stop letting him have them, he will have to get his lawyer to take you to court, and you can even explain there that this is out of the best interest for the kids, he IS ABUSING THEM. Unfortunately many people don't understand the depths of emotional abuse and how it affects, self-esteem, their future relationships, and things like that. You do what you have to do to protect your children, even if it is from their own father. It is your job and duty to do that, by any means necessary. Good Luck & God Bless.

Answer 6

The reason he is discussing things with his daughter is simply because her mommy is NOT adult enough to have a conversation without mouthing off about the past.

It's time you straighten up and act like an adult and quit playing that non-communicative, mind game that ex's and soon to be ex's play with each other.

I know what you are doing, what he is doing, I'm a marriage counselor, and i may sound like a gruff old bast*ard, but after a few years of listening to couples whine about each other without taking any responsibility for any of the problems in a marriage I just decided i'd speak my mind on what i perceive to be the problem.

wtf does the 19 year old girlfriend, the $600 coach bags, and diamond earings have to do with the emotional abuse of the 11 year old. The emotional abuse is the key issue here and it must stop.

I'm sure you are doing the same goddamned thing to her otherwise you wouldn't know about the coach bags and earings.

You are an angry re-jected wife, out to do as much damage to anyone you can. You need counseling to deal with the rejection and the anger it causes within you.

Crappy things happen in life. It's how we handle them as adults that determine if things will continue to get worse or better. In this case if nothing is done to correct the problem things will get worse, your daughter will continue to suffer emotional abuse at the hands of BOTH parents.

You and the soon to be ex need to stop acting like teenagers and start acting like responsible adults. Quit traumatizing the 11 year old daughter with this stupidity.

If you were in counseling with me, i'd report you both to the authorities for child abuse.

Because the damage that is taking place with the emotional abuse is worse and more long lasting and traumatizing than if you were both to beat your 11 year old daughter.

So how about knocking the crap off and act like an adult for once in your adult lives. Call your attorney and demand he/she get off their lazy *** and get child support ordered, the divorce hearing scheduled, and get the thing over with.

Remember the Kids must come first. To heck with the adults and their wants.

Answer 7

If he doesn't pay child support you can take him to court. let your lawyer advise you if he is not satisfactory get a new one. However if your husband does pay child support he will have the right to see the children. So it is up to you to file for full custody it will be tough both financially and the case could be strenuous but at least your children will be happier. Sooner or later he will realize what a big fool he is.

Answer 8

Protect your children any way you can. Speak with a counselor n find out more about your rights n the rights in protecting your children. Keep a record of the visits n your daughter's behavior before n after the visits. Your daughter would be in a lot of stress, find her a good counselor to help her cope.

Answer 9

As for your 11 year old, if she doesn't want to go visit, don't make her. A judge might tell you otherwise, but at least your daughter will know you are fighting for her and her feelings. If she si willing to tell the judge how she is treated (assuming your ex makes an issue of it) I seriously doubt the judge will force her to continue visitation. You may also want to get her into counseling before his treatment of her starts to affect her self-esteem.

As for the 22 month old---she's too young to make that decision, you have to keep sending her.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear that, and I totally feel your pain. I am in a similar situation with my ex and ten year old son. Luckily, my child is wise enough to see through my ex's bull**** and refuses to talk to him. You might need to find another attorney if your current one is not concerned. The child support you should be able to have taken directly through his paycheck, check with your local family court. You should also take your daughter to counseling so this emotional abuse gets documented and you can use it in court later on. Good luck!