i found out i was pregnant in November, and since then my bf's been gettin more n more distant. he hardly spends time with me, when he does he's not talking to me and txtin the whole world and ignoring me, he doesn't come home from work and kiss or hug me straight away like he used to and i have to ask him to sleep in the same bed as me (we're currently staying at his mums who has two single beds meant 4 guests that we're using, we used to sleep together on one n it were fine). i left it for a while thinking this must be his way of coping, and he finally told me the other day that he was terrorfied that he wouldn't b a gd dad n that he had no one 2 tlk 2. any 1 got any ideas to make him relax and realise that he will be a brilliant dad? i can't cope with him being like this to me, its not my fault he's scared so i dnt understand why he's taking it out on me!
2007-01-12 03:35:11 · 32 answers · asked by evilbunnyhahaha 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
thank u so very much all u ppl telling me he's cheating or just not ready! i'm terrorfied about having this baby too, but as soon as i say it he says its just not the same! oh yea..cuz i cnt b scared of ripping, painful boobs, sleepless nights and post natel depression! i need help to make him comfortable with the idea of being a dad, not ppl telling me he's not intrested cuz he is!!! thats really the last thing u wana say to a hormonal woman!!!! if ur guno put a comment like that then just dnt bother, do u not think im already thinking that n just beleiving him when he says he's not?
2007-01-12 03:45:08 · update #1
koyaanisqatsi12; just becuase we are NOT married doesn't mean we can't hav a child! and i said we are CURRENTLY staying at his motheres, our windows are being replaced so its freezing in our house (they're taking their sweet time doing it, typical). and evn if i dnt hav my own house and was living with my in-laws that would NOT mean i was a bad mother right from the start! how can some of u b so close minded?! and thank u 2 those who are actually offering help
2007-01-12 03:50:21 · update #2
Well he should grow up and take it like a man. If he's old enough to get you pregnant, he should be old enough to deal with it properly.
I have no sympathy for the guy
2007-01-12 03:38:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 3⤋
It's perfectly normal for both of you to be scared, worried, freaked out and insecure about the prospect of being a Mum & Dad. If your Boyfriend had some issues with his own Dad that's probably where his concerns are coming from. You just have to keep talking to each other. Try and include him as much as you can, tell him about all the things you are experiencing. I know it's not down to you to put in all the effort but you might need to coax him into opening up to you. Treat him like he's already a Dad and tell him how great he is. It's so hard for you to have to help someone else to get their head round it when your probably still trying to do the same. Good luck to you both.....I'm sure that everything will be fine. p.s ignore all the hideous, nasty things that some narrow minded, judgemental idiots have been saying.
2007-01-12 06:37:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's possible he is feeling a little bit overwhelmed with everything right now not just worried about being a good dad.
I see from your previous questions that your father-in-law had some problems awhile ago, we just had Christmas which is a time of the year many people go into debt, and you are living with your in-laws. Now there is a baby on the way. What they all have in common is a financial strain. Men have traditionally been thrust into the role of provider and if he feels that he can't do that it's causing him to be in turmoil which would explain his distancing himself from you.
You can try telling him that no matter what, you will all make it together. Let him know that he can come to you with his worries and woes. Right now you are probably the center of attention - make sure he gets attention too. Be there for him, make sure he knows that, but other than that, don't push him. He will work it out and adjust.
Congratulations and I pray your baby is happy and healthy!
2007-01-12 03:54:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Can you find someone for him to talk to any of his mates been dads?? What about talking your his dad or your dad about it being magical and all the joy that he has to come?? Is there a neighbour or another couple you know that are pregnant just had a baby or have a small child? Get together for a few drinks (soda for you of course heehee) and a dinner. Congrats on your bub. Everyone deals differently and I know for sure my husband was the same when we fell pregnant unfortunately we lost the baby at 8 weeks. But he was a bit distant to start with but now we are ttc again he is really excited saying what he will be doing with his baby and what to call them and talking to my belly telling it to grow. your fella will be a great dad and only time and support will help him... good luck and congrats again first ultra sounds are also great for first time dads to see the baby, for them it different they can't feel it like we can so its all a bit unreal until that first little glipse or sound of the heart beat.
Oh and ignore those people they just like to sit on there high horse and look down at people cause they are feeling insecure about there own lives
2007-01-12 04:25:25 · answer #4 · answered by mum 2 Cameron and Ewan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, ignore everyone making negative remarks here, it is perfectly natural to freak out a little when you find out you are going to be parents. In fact, I would be worried if you didn't, this is a huge responsibility and your lives will completely change! As for your bf, did he had a bad relationship with his dad or are his fears unfounded? As other people have suggested, get him to hang out with some other fathers; your own dads, grandfathers, uncles, etc may be a good support network for him. Get him a book so he understands what is going on with the pregnancy and what you are going through. A little tough love may not be a bad thing either: he's going to be a dad whether he's scared or not so he can either continue to make life worse for you or he can start manning up. Best of luck to both of you and congrats! PS- try to find some pregnancy classes to attend so you get a support network too.
2007-01-12 04:14:41 · answer #5 · answered by Meems 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, I can't actually give you an answer to your question as it's not a situation that I have been in and I know that this isn't really a forum just for comments, but its kinda sad to see the way that some people have responded to you.
You don't give the circumstances of your pregnancy, whether it was planned, unplanned, through not being careful or just one of those accidents that happens to a lot of people, not matter how careful you are. Okay, by the sounds of things you are not necessarily in the best situation to be having a baby, but you are clearly trying to make the best of it.
I guess he's taking it out on you because like most of us we tend to take our fears and upsets out on the people closest to us that we love the most. I just wanted to say that I hope that you do get some constructive advice from people rather than just narrow minded criticism and that you can work through things together and can be there and strong for each other. I wish all three of you the best of luck.
2007-01-12 04:06:32 · answer #6 · answered by Jooles 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Go to counseling together, and sign up for a parenting class.
Call the hospital and ask if they offer any support groups for either parents or new dads.
Buy him a couple books on fathering, and write an encouragng inscription!
If he is close to a male relative, encourage him to talk to them.
If you are close to your own dad or male relative with a kid, ask them to talk with him.
If you have any friends or family with babies, try to spend time with them so he can practice a bit.
As for you...it's wonderful that you want to help and support him, but don't forget to take care of you! He obviously can't give you the support that you need right now, so I encourage you to do all the above things for yourself as well. Try to surround yourself with friends, family, and other moms who can be supportive, sympathetic, and excited for you! Educate yourself through books and classes, and do as much as you can to build your confidence. Your guy isn't just freaking because he's going to be responsible for a child - he's also scared because he feels more responsible for you, and he's afraid he's going to fail in both cases! However, if you can show him (even if it's an act!) that you've cool, confident, and prepared, it will probably inspire him to relax a bit.
2007-01-12 05:01:28 · answer #7 · answered by Emily O 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think he really means to take it out on you in anyway at all! Guys think and react differently to things than we do and he is probably scared to death that he will be an aweful father! This whole thing will not even seem real to him until he holds his baby in his arms for the first time! Its real to u because you feel your baby moving and growing inside of you. To him- its all like a fog! He has u living with his mother- which Im sure doesnt help him feel any better! He probably feels like he is failing u and the baby by not being able to have your own home right now! You r BOTH going thru alot right now and its up to both of you to hang on tight and be there for each other. Reassure him how much he is loved- what an awesome man he is and what a great father he will be. Let him know u r proud of him and what he is doing for the both of you. BUT let him know how u feel too! Let him know u miss your closeness more than life! That if he is afraid of hurting the baby by being too close to u- that wont happen! Once he holds his baby- things will smooth out and get better- he's just got alot on his mind right now and I know u do too! Hang on tight to each other!!!
2007-01-12 03:47:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
hiya, first of all whats with the stupid ppl saying u need to get married you dont being married or not married does not determine wether or not u will be a good parent so ignore them!
and withur bf being a bit funny with u its just men its how they deal with things, i miscarried in november with my first and my bf was exactly the same sayng how he didnt think he would be a good dad nd stuff, u just have to reassure him then u wouldnt be with him or living with him(whenu get back into ur own house) if u didnt think he was capable of such things with a child that will be urs. he is probably scared as well that he will hurt u or the baby in sumway by getting to close and sharing a single bed,i think he is taking it out on u because he knows u will still be there anyway and he wants u to b the one to reassure him.try gettin him to talk to a m8 or sumthing who can mayb put his mind at ease if he has a best friend thats probably the best person for him to talk to f he wont talk to you. good luck
2007-01-12 05:23:32 · answer #9 · answered by liz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all ignore all the idiots who are trying to worry you!! Their obviously lacking brain cells. Don''t worry about him, he is just getting used to the fact he's gonna be a dad.In a way its nice that he cares so much. I worried about my partner being distant but after we went to the first scan it changes, it starts to sink in and it does get better. Remember men are generally worse at talking about feelings,fears,etc. Stop putting yourself under so much pressure, you will only make your pregnancy unpleasant. Sore Boobs, Stretch marks etc are part of it. Think of the Billions of women every year that go through it.
Also my partner and I are staying with my in-laws while we are saving and they have been the greatest support. Remember just try to relax and everything will run smoothley.
Good Luck and I hope everything works out for you. x x
2007-01-15 08:06:31 · answer #10 · answered by Laura H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Planned or not, having a baby is scary. I was married for 5 years, before planning our first child and I was still nervous. Your life is going to forever be different, but that doesn't mean it's going to be bad. Half the fear is the "not knowing" but there's lots of help out there from people who have been there. There's parenting classes, self help books and counseling services just to start. Let him know it's okay to be scared, that you are too, but you know he's going to learn to be a good Dad because he has a good heart. You are there to support him but he needs to support you too -- that's just how it works! Get him involved, get him interested, and before long he will start to trade in that apprehension for excitement.
2007-01-12 04:21:05 · answer #11 · answered by Shorty 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋