My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship and we have started seeing her regularly at weekends. Long story but his ex is a psyco! I feel really upset and down as I want a baby of my own which my husband wants too. Have been trying for quite a while now but no luck... I feel terrible as I don't look forward to her staying anymore as I get upset that I haven't a child of my own. I know that sounds really selfish. Has anyone else felt this way before?
2007-01-12 03:26:24 · 14 answers · asked by Annabelle 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Yes, I totally understand your feelings! I went through this many years ago when I was desperately trying to get pregnant. I feel awful about it now because I couldn't even look at my nephew hardly when he was born because they just decided to have a baby and bingo there he was. My nephew is now gone from a tragic accident and I have had to face those feelings I had when he was born. I would hate for you to go through that also if something would happen(God forbid!). Have you seen a fertility doc? Focus on your own journey to having a baby. That little girl isn't the cause of your pain, so just treat her as if she were your own or at least just continue being there for her. I know it is hard, but I learned that it helped to let kids be close to me. You may want to seek out a support group and vent to them. They will know what you are talking about and feeling. The pain of wanting a child is so indescribable and most people just don't get it. Find a fertility clinic and go. It took me 3 years of fertility drugs and artificial insemination to finally get pregnant. If you would like to talk to me further please email me at sandya46@charter.net . My twins are now going on 21 and I had 2 more after that. It's a hard road and I will never forget the feelings and the pain of making the journey to having babies. You aren't selfish, you are just hurting. Take a deep breath and be the best step mom ever while you wait for your own baby. You won't have regrets like I do about my nephew. Take care! Good luck. Contact me if you want! I'm here!
2007-01-12 03:50:24 · answer #1 · answered by Sandy A, RN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really can't take it out on the child, that's not fair. It's not her fault and she didn't ask who to be born to. It may also put your husband off. I knew if I had a baby with an ex and his new partner resented her and didn't like her staying over, I'd be furious! When he already has a child, that child must come first. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm on my high horse, I hate sounding mean, but you should think about your step child first. The more stressed you get the longer it will take to conceive. Just try to enjoy your time with your step child, you will learn in the process of how to be a mother. In any case, having a stepchild in your life with no baby of your own is a whole lot better than not having a child at all.
2007-01-12 03:39:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who felt exactly the same with the exception that she already had a child from a previous relationship. She also went on to have more with this guy but still felt exactly the same about her step daughter. The point of this answer is that your animosity towards your step child may well have nothing to do with your innabilty to concieve but the added stress doesn't help. I think this is one of the toughest area's of modern relationships and is possibly quite normal. We are basically animals and accepting someone elses child goes against the grain for a lot of us as it envolves sharing our partners with someone who although have no sexual connection, have a very strong unbreakable bond of unconditional love and we, wether we like it or not, get jealous.
Don't beat yourself up about it, and relax. Have more sex and remember to have fun. This whole baby making thing has a terrible habit of having a knock on effect on all aspects of our lives.
Good luck
2007-01-12 03:40:20 · answer #3 · answered by isleofskye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt exactly the same, then had to give myself a talking to, it was not the kids fault that I could not have a baby with their father. I decided to treat them as my own and relished being a stepmum at weekends. The kids and I now have a fantastic relationship and I am the proud mother of their half brother. Try not to let the ex interfere too much in your life if you can.
Good luck
2007-01-12 12:01:06 · answer #4 · answered by Denise H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I have 3 step children and felt exactly the same as you as we tried for a baby for 4 years. But a word of advise, we have a difficult ex situation and she got alot worse when she found out I was expecting and the step kids are now not very pleasant to my baby, which is truly awful. Please try to maintain a relationship so that when you do hopefully get pregnant your pregnancy/baby is not resented.
Anyway, please get fertillity advice, I struggled along for far too long, I could have opted for IVF years ago, but didnt, and in the end its how I got pregnant. Your husband needs to treat your relationship with his daughter as important as his own.
Good luck
2007-01-12 04:18:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to feel this way...you're only human and the desire for your own baby can be very intense. So don't beat yourself up about it too much - stress isn't going to help you fall pregnant!
I would say though that whilst it's ok to feel this way, you really need to savour the time between you and your husband's daughter. You've got to try and focus on the fact that it's important for your husband to have time with his daughter and as I'm sure you want to be there for your husband, you need to try to be strong.
It will happen for you, I'm sure, but don't loose out on this precious time with your stepdaughter - put the time in with her now and when your baby is here (let's think positive!) the transition from only child to big sister should be easier for her and as a result you too.
If you want your stepdaughter to be happy when it's your turn, you need to be happy that it's her turn now...if you see what i mean.
It's ok to feel that upset but try to keep in mind that sometimes we need to put others first. It isn't easy but something to work towards.
Chin up!
2007-01-12 10:43:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes.
my advice 2 u is.
this child needs her dad.
she won't b a child 4ever.
the time she spends with u & her dad is probably v precious 2 her.
the weekend ends & she returns 2 psycho mum.
it's not the childs fault that these r the arrangements & she's inadvertently upsetting ur plans 4 a baby.
now take a deep breath, welcome this poor child in2 ur home & do ur best.
i would also suggest u both visit a Doc/GP 2 start the ball rolling regarding ur wish 4 a baby.
get checked out b4 u jump the gun thinking u'll never b a mum.
u will stop panicking!
2007-01-12 03:37:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont say how long you've been trying but don't let his ex get you worked up shes probably 1 of the reasons you haven't conceived also if you were taking birth control before hand that can also be a factor sometimes it depends on the person and the birth control it took my gf 14months to conceive after coming off the injection also apparently a pillow under ur bum and raising ur legs for a while after sex can help
2007-01-12 06:39:00 · answer #8 · answered by djdrew06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it does sound selfish (or jealous ). I suppose everyone has felt that way (more or less) before. Selfishness, (and self- centered ness) are the human condition on this sinful planet. Stress, and "B" vitamin deficiency can decrease the probability of conception.
2007-01-12 03:33:46 · answer #9 · answered by hasse_john 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go & see your doctor for a check up it might make you relax.Look on the child has if she is yours.You will grow to love her & along the way make her happy with a baby brother or sister.Good Luck
2007-01-16 03:30:07 · answer #10 · answered by Ollie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋