How to get rid of my sons horrible Girlfriend?!?

Question

My son is 20 yrs old dating a girl who is 18 and ruining his life. She has made him stop seeing all his friends and even has tried to make him choose between me and her. I have a 4 page notebook of bad things she has done to him but Im desperate to get this girl out of his life so he can get back on track. She is very jealous and controling, very bad for him and even her own family wants nothing to do with her...PLEASE HELP

for those who accuse me of being controling the 4 page note book is for legal issues. I was told by a neighbor who is a cop to keep a detailed record of what she has done that I know of. This is my main reason for concern is that she is going to cause MORE legal touble. My son is also suffering from ADD and immature for his age due to this. Im not trying to control him I just want him to be happy....and he is not right now as she keeps him on a thread by breaking up with him everyday to get what she wants out of him....I know he is a adult but it so hard to hear him crying everynight over what this girl is doing to him. He has never acted this way before..HAD good self esteme and great friends...That is all gone now..

Answer 1

Provided your son is at least an average looking guy with a redeeming personality, I suggest that you do nothing, here's why. Eventually he will get sick of her or things will come to a head, also, the reason why I mentioned his looks and personality is because there will be another girl, somewhere or sometime who will show interest in your son. When he gets to know her, he will realize(provided she is nice), that there are better people that will make a wonderful match for him other than his current 'lame' girlfriend. Oh, the more you complain to your son about your displeasure of his current girlfriend, the more it will polarize them and bring them closer together. Don't tell him anything unless he asks you for advice. Things will sort themselves out. I know because I had a girlfriend like that and came to my senses years ago.

Answer 2

Wow! Sounds like a lot of fun.
You'd be better off not saying a word. It will definitely make you look like the meddling mom. Something will happen that will make him think twice about this girl. You should remember that when your parents gave their opinion you probably did the opposite cause as all young people think, "What do parents know about anything"?
You could be sneaky about finding out how he really feels. Go out to eat and point out a waitress that's cute and say "Wow son, look how cute that girl is." See if he is open to a new prospect or if he shoots you down cold saying that he's already in a relationship.
Maybe you could see how his friends feel about this girl. Again, you have to be sly. Don't come straight out and say that you don't like her.
You could always go on Parental Control on MTV.
Is his father around? What's his opinion?

I just read some of the other responses.
DO NOT LET HIM READ THE NOTEBOOK!!!
He will think you are crazy. Don't even tell him that you have kept a journal on her behavior. That will definitely make him stand up for her.

Answer 3

I'm afraid there isn't a quick fix for this.I do understand your desire to reach your son mentally,but he's moving on a physical level right now and mom just can't compete with the physical nature of man.The absolute best advice I can give will seem like the worst advice to hear,but here goes.Leave him alone.I am sure he knows by now that you are against this relationship so you have done your motherly duty to him by warning him of his doings.Now you have to sit back and watch your warnings materialize and you know they will.There is no better teacher than life and believe me when kids grow up and think they know it all,it's a good thing that life will teach them many hard lessons depending on their choices.The important word in all of this is choices and your son has made his choice and now the outcome of his choices will materialize and good or bad the choice was his.I use to be the kind of mother that wanted to spare my kids the pain of wrong choices by intervening,but they usually did as they chose anyway just as I did as a child growing up.The choices they make will teach them more lessons than you can teach them in a life time.I say that suffering brings obedience and when a person makes enough bad choices they eventually learn to make better ones,but only after realizing their own choices caused their situation.

Answer 4

I think the best thing you can do is sit back and ride it out. I know you feel overwhelmed and are desperate to "intervene" before he "ruins his life," but only he knows what works for him. My boyfriend's mother has hated me for three years, and she has tried everything to get rid of me - threatened him, made up stories, said she would disown him...and all it has done has hurt my boyfriend. He wants desperately for peace, but it's not her right to require it on her terms. I'm actually a phenomenal person who loves her son very much. I think it's important that you see your son as someone independent from you, and then you may very well be able to accept that he's not always going to put you first. If she is sincerely bad for him, he'll see it.

Answer 5

Lady. Your son is an adult. Don't get in the way of his relationship. Better yet, try to get to know the girl and become her friend. If you can't do that.

If you keep getting in the way, trying to make them break up, you will only make them stronger together.

Let your son make his mistakes, but be there for him if he ever needs you. My mother tried to do the same thing with my brother, and in the end, my brother never saw her again, for 20 years, and when she died.

I'm sure you don't want to go through the same thing. Right?

Best wishes.

Answer 6

I've been there too, and the more I tried to tell him, get him to see, the more he cut me out! They were engaged and the invitations were about to be mailed...I couldn't stand it, but had resolved to be the best Mother-in-law I could be, so I could see the grand kids, I knew would come. Finally God answered my prayers and he broke it off with her. She married someone else in less than a year! She had been cheating on him in college!!! I thank God every day for answering my prayers! Now he's back to his old self and dating a very nice girl! So, try not to worry to much, they aren't married, so that's a plus. Hopefully, things will work out for your family as well as it did for ours! If not, state your cause one last time, then keep your mouth shut and fake being nice to her...to keep from having more problems in the future. Good Luck!

Answer 7

The thing is, your son is an adult. You may not like his girlfriend but you have to let him make his own choices in life even if you feel that they are wrong.

If and when the time comes that this relationship fails be there for him. Right now, you need just to stand back, as hard as it is, and just let things run their course.

Answer 8

well unfortunately theres nothing you can do,since your son is an adult. Your son will have to learn a lesson the hard way it sounds like. have you let him read the 4 page notebook? maybe that would make him realize what's happening to him. It will be sad if he allows a girl like that to split up a relationship between him and his mother. all you can do is let him fall and be there for him when he does.

Answer 9

Well somehow I doubt that you can get rid of her unless you have some connections and can get a hit put out on her. Just kidding of course. He is 20 years old and is going to have to realize himself that this girl is poison to him and as such it may take time. If you say too many bad or negative things about her to him it may very well just make things worse as far as your relationship with him goes. I know that it probably sounds a bit foolish but you may be best to just support him and let him know that your there for him if he needs you. Kids this age (and younger) are often swayed by their partners and as such will put their whole life on hold as they feel that this is the perfect person for them. They will resent anything negative that you have to say about their partners and can't see that this type of relationship is not a healthy one. Sad but hopefully his friends will still be there for him also when he loses this relationship and needs someone to talk with other then you. In addition I am not trying to sound like a resentful person etc. but I do hope that it is he that puts an end to this relationship and not this jealous and controlling young woman, as it will be a lot easier for him to deal with. And by the sounds of it she will not be as damaged as he when it ends. Best of luck in trying to be open minded when dealing with this relationship but that is all part of parenting also, we don't always agree with the decisions that our kids make but they need to learn these lessons themselves. Good luck to you and your son.

Answer 10

I think you better get your son to seek help (counselling etc) because from your description, that girl is horrendous and i don't see why someone would be attracted to such a person. Maybe that girl controls your son and hurt his self-esteem and make him feel that he is obliged to obey her and stuff like that. There are actually such cases where people think they are obliged to obey another person as that person might have, in a sense, made one think that way through abuses.

I believe your son might be in need for help and it seems serious. This might lead to some mental disorder.