What do you do if a friend is in big trouble and you cant help?

Question

OK.. My bestfriend of 3 years has been telling me that she wants to kill herself. She has slit her wrists before, and she has went to a children helping place or whatever. I don't know what to do. Nothing I say or do is helping. I wish I could fix this some how. I don't know if it is fixable or if I'm doing something wrong. Please try and help me.

Jess

Answer 1

It is exactly this type of question that gives a company like Yahoo! the get-up-and-go to start a public community like this. It's a great example of how every individual on the planet has a personal point of view on what you should do, and what you should say, to help your friend.

It's a question that drives at the very heart of what meaning we derive from being alive, and reminds each and every one of us how valuable and precious this gift is that we receive every day: the experience of interacting with the universe.

I'm not going to sit here and try and tell you what you should do, because in this case more than most, there really is no wrong answer. Whatever you do, do it from your heart and you will be doing the right thing. That I can garantee! Ignore what your mind says, and follow your heart and you can do no wrong.

May I make a few suggestions?

Some people have told you to shift the responsibility to an expert in the field of helping people to appreciate being alive, but they do not know your friend the way you do. A psychiatrist cannot remind your friend of the special moments you've had together, playing, exploring, challenging. He or she doesn't know about the tasty food you've eaten together, or the trips you've taken, or the people you both know. These are the beautiful gifts that your friend needs to be reminded of.

Also ... there are other gifts, that are sometimes clouded by public opinion as being bad. Pain, for example, is good. Pain is a signal from the body to the mind saying something is hurt, like a muscle or a fingernail or your feelings, and it's a reminder that your not perfect, but that your only human.

Did you know that usually when somthing is hurt, and then it heals, it is far stronger than before it was hurt? But sometimes something is hurt too much, and it can't heal itself, so someone else needs to help them. That's you. Your friend is hurt really bad, but she can be saved, and if you can save her she will be stronger than before she was hurt. But it will take time, and she will need you with her to help her heal. Can she count on you to stay with her, to just be with her, to comfort her and inspire her and give her hope?

And then maybe the pain goes away and you feel overwhelming relief, happiness, safety and appreciation like you can't remember ever feeling. And none of those feelings would have happened without the pain being felt first.

These are the things that your friend needs to be reminded of, Jess. But you can't use my words. You must make it personal. You must create a connection with your friend, like your the only 2 people in the world and nothing else matters.

Don't try and make her feel guilty that if she leaves you, then you'll be sad and alone. That will only make her more sad too. And forget all that mumbo jumbo about religion unless you and her are the same religion, because otherwise you will only distance her, alienate her, and make her feel more alone, rejected, sad.

Talk to her like your parents talk to you when you are very sad. Tell her how much you value her, how good a friend she is, how much you like being around her and how you'll stay friends forever.

Start talking about the future, about what you'll do together later today, tomorrow, next week, next year. Give your friend something to look forward to, something she wants, something she really likes to do with someone she really likes: you.

All of this can be hard work, saving a life, so when you have other important things to do you can delegate. Give the honour of helping your friend to someone else, another friend or family member, who can look after your friend while your away, but don't be gone long! Remember, she needs people around her to help her heal, and your her very best friend in the whole world.

"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be their whole world!" - Gandhi

Bless your soul, dear Jess.

Answer 2

There is nothing you can do. All you can do is try help her and comfort her, give her all the love and support you can. I don't want to sound horrible and i will probably get a lot of thumbs down for this but i think your friend would be a coward for killing herself, what about all the people who care for and love her and who are trying to help her. If she isn't willing to get help and listen to what other people have to say then you should do something to help her, like inform people (mom & dad, phsycologist) as you could be able to save her life if she can't do it herself, it could also be that she just wants the attention and giving her that could also keep her alive.

I hope that she doesn't decide to kill herself because that's just foolish and she must get help because she clearly needs it! I have also known someone who had always tried killing herself and kept threatening to do, everyone tried to the best of their abilities to help her, but in the end she did actually hang herself and now she is gone. Yes we all do miss her dearly but we are also angry at the fact she did it because we have now lost someone we love.

Answer 3

I think the best you Can do is be there for your friend, try to know ther reason she is trying to kill herself, and tell her you'll be there to face whatever the problem is, tell her that there is so much more to be alive, and that she means a lot to you, let her know how important she is to you. You might as well think of visit more often, go to places, quiet places where you can lay down and just look at the sky and that sort of thing... It also helps if it is somewhere peace full and where you can talk, also it has to be her taste, she must like the place.

I think that is the best, to tell the parents might not help much, if she would want them to know she would let you know it, not directly, sometimes the parents getting involved is a little tricky, 'cuz they want to control the situation and they tend to want to eliminate the problem right away.

Hope it helps

Answer 4

Jess, the thing is you can just be there for her. I know that it sounds lame, but we are all individuals with our own minds and choices to make. What you can do is emphasize the good things in her life- if she likes book, jooin a book club with her, if she's good at sports, join some team with her, etc. Show her what she will be missing.

She has already had ppl try to help her so I believe what she needs is a strong friend like you to stand beside her, let her know that you are there no matter what.

i have never left my e-mail here but for some reason I feel the need to- [e-mail]. Please feel free to contact me.

I just read another ans- the fact is that she has been trying and whether she really wants to or not, one day she might succeed. Babes do not take this chance with your friend. It's her life you are talking about. I would like you to contact me PLEASE, jess

Answer 5

You are doing everything you can,Are you with her?if you said yes you are doing alot,keep it up.Sometimes they start out a a thrill and then they just keep doing it.My girls friend done the same and the friend added alot of drama in with all the cutting.My daughter was there for her friend and she still does it after 2 years,sometimes you have to make a choice if you want to be there or not.My girl could not take it anymore.If your friend really wanted to kill herself she would of done it by now.

Answer 6

If her parents don't know you need to tell them. To be honest there isnt anything you can do if your friend sets there mind on this decision. Just keep talking and advising against this. Tell her to think of all the people that she is hurting and that you dont want to lose her. Its a very selfish behavior (you dont need to tell her that, its just a fact). You are NOT doing anything wrong unless you hide this or encourage this behavior.

Answer 7

You are not doing ANYTHING wrong at all. Your friend needs help beyond what you can provide. I wish you could fix it too but you can't. Stay in contact with her. Tell her you are concerned about her and miss her company (if that's the truth). Make sure the authorities know what you know about her behavior.

Answer 8

Just support her. She is clearly depressed about something. Be her friend. While she is gone write her let her know that you care and you are here for her. She probably just needs someone to talk to without judgment. Let her know that you love her an will be there for her no matter what. There is nothing you can do but that. I hope that everything works out.

Answer 9

Don't keep this a secret. Get her some help. Any intervention you can get started will be of great assistance, especially since she has made past attempts. Evidently she didn't get good counselling before and needs it.

Answer 10

Depression is not an easy thing to understand.
I have attempted to kill my self but that's not the answer.
What I would do is try to talk to your friend and try to be there for them .
There is very little any one can do to help but some times just having some one to talk to that will not judge you or talk about you behind your back.
Talk to your friend and let them know that you care and that you want them to get help.
It is not easy to talk to people about depression and even parents will often treat it badly.

Talk to your doctor and ask her to talk to her doctor .
there is no one cure but to know that there are people that care about you and want to help.

there a medications that can help but they can also make things worse so it is important to keep trying and may take years but even pills are a short term cure .

I have found that just having a friend to talk to that dose not judge and listens is the best thing to help me.

But being alone and board is the worst thing find things that you both enjoy and let her know that you want to help, it will take time to gain her confidence about such a private matter.

Talking to her parents may help but if they are to controlling it can make matters worse.

TRY to make her feel better about her self and find things that she Enjoys and likes to do.

SHE NEEDS TO TALK.
let her know that you are there for her and want to help.