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As I start to age in years
I have no fears, I shed no tears
I lived my life, the way it came
It’s all a game, we all have shame

For all of you, I hope you’ll say
That in my day, I smiled your way
For those who are my chosen few
I do love you, you need no clue

So when I see the life I’ve had
I get glad, I get sad
And when I do my final rest
I did my best, for those who jest

For those who shed a tear for me
Eventually, we’re all set free
For my life will never end
You’ll see that when, we meet again

2007-01-12 03:05:23 · 7 answers · asked by gary_b04901 1 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

7 answers

I like the theme and especially the way you started, but I get the sense that some of it is there ONLY because it fits a rhyming pattern. I guess I prefer poetry that isn't kept in such a strait jacket. Why don't you re-work it as a free rhyme ? As is, I would go for a 6, but I think it has the potential to be loosened up a bit (so it isn't so much like a greeting card verse) and the theme and the thoughts deserve a little more work to bring it to a higher "score".

2007-01-12 03:26:26 · answer #1 · answered by Lilliana 2 · 0 0

it is an exceedingly good poem. i like it. It holds heartrending actuality in it. I provide it a a hundred out of ten. i bypass over the size in this one. i'm sorry i could no longer keep it interior of it even with the indisputable fact that. no longer many human beings can write poems like this. good job, i wish to verify greater in case you have any.

2016-10-07 01:26:04 · answer #2 · answered by esannason 4 · 0 0

Very nice. I think it explains what a lot of people try to say but can't find the words for. I say it's a 10...

2007-01-12 03:21:48 · answer #3 · answered by whatever2006 4 · 0 0

Thats nice, i would give it a 8. But it don't sound complete , i think it should be longer, but anyway, its very nice. Keep up the great work.

2007-01-12 03:10:48 · answer #4 · answered by jade s 4 · 0 0

10. Possibly because it is so appropriate at my time of life.

2007-01-12 03:11:57 · answer #5 · answered by Hamish 7 · 0 0

it's pretty good i give u a 7

2007-01-12 03:14:43 · answer #6 · answered by Baby Gurl 2 · 0 0

I LOVE IT!!!! #1!!!!!! Totally how I feel, thanx!!!

2007-01-12 03:10:06 · answer #7 · answered by rhonda_seiler 6 · 0 0

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