she feels that the only female friends i should have is her, males as many as i want, but know females now and after 17 years of beening together she still unhappy because I have female friends, now I never cheated on my wife, but she did, and I forgave her. please help, could this be the reason?
2007-01-12 02:39:57 · 39 answers · asked by Jerry S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she is very jealous and insecure..and she thinks you will cheat on her....maybe you should..she doesnt deserve you.
2007-01-13 21:14:29 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok, let me start with even if she hadn't cheated on you, why do you feel the need to have female friends? My question is what's the purpose. What do most people like to do with there friends. Go to a movie, dinner, converse on the phone, go on road trips, and being there when the need them. All those things are things that should be done with your wife of 17 yrs. If you have that much free time on your hands and your married, work, and possibly have a family then your not doing something right. The only reason I would agree to my husband having a female friend is if she was a mutual friend, but there still would be no alone time for them to "hang" out. The only advice I would give you is what if it was the other way around? How would you react to her asking for the same thing? Good Luck!!
2007-01-12 03:05:18 · answer #2 · answered by Izzy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your intentions are these female friends are just that, female friends and you are trying to punish her subconsiously because she cheated on you. I don't know who she cheated on you with....a friend, coworker? I just know I thought the same way as you might possibly be thinking. There is nothing wrong with having a male friend. I had a male friend and a year later I was having an affair with that male friend. Do yourself both a big favor if you want your marriage to work. Dump the female friends or at the very least make sure you involve your wife when you are with your female friends.
2007-01-12 04:27:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you feel comfortable if she had male friends and went out with them? If the answer is no then you kind of know how she feels.
If she is a cheat perhaps she knows how easily things can happen when you are out with members of the opposite sex. She may not have meant it to happen but because they were there and maybe she was down or drunk, it makes it happen more easily when they are around.
She should learn to trust you because a relationship is built on that. Maybe find some friends that are couples. You can still enjoy female company but it would happen while your wife was around, say on group dates or inviting them over. Tell her that you would be with another woman if you wanted another woman, the point is you are with her and nobody is forcing you to. You are with her and she is the one you want to come home to.
2007-01-12 05:18:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife clearly feels insecure about herself. The fact that she cheated on you must make her feel guilty and she probably worries that you might do the same thing to her.
It is perfectly normal to be jealous. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 years. Neither of us has ever cheated. But I still get jealous. It's a girl thing really (most girls are insecure about themselves in some way you see, although most would never admit this).
Reassure your wife loads - Include her in activities which involve female friends so she can meet the females and see how nice (or not) they are for herself, and that they pose no threat.
2007-01-12 02:48:45 · answer #5 · answered by Charlie J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there is a difference.
Here's the differences and concerns.
1. Does she know these female friends?
2. Can she walk into a room at anytime while you are on the phone and the conversation remain the same and not be cut off abruptly?
3. Are they former lovers (this one is a no brainer. you should NEVER have ANY contact with former lovers once you're married)?
4. Do you have her present when you see these female friends?
5. Have you ever met these female friends and she never knew about it?
6. Did you have a wild side your wife found out about without you telling her? (Threesomes, orgy's, a large number of partners).
7. Can she have male friends? How do you feel about that.
Number three is about the most worrisome of all of them. Any person with half a brain should know once a lover / BF / GF there's always a chance the old romance could be rekindled. You talk about a mess on your hands. Well you'll get it.
I have PLENTY of female friends however, I don't talk to them on the phone, don't meet up with them. The only time I have anything to do with them is in a open setting were I run into them at a gas station, shopping mall, party or walking down the street. At this point in life, I don't even want to go to parties unless my girl is with me. It's not as much fun not having your best friend there with you.
Absolute proof? The amount of infidelity in this country alone. Wheather it be at work or at a bar. Male / Female interaction that starts off in the most innocent manner can lead to something. Your spouse being right there with you hand in hand during these settings can keep these encounters from getting out of hand.
Some make the comment as we get older we mature and can handle these realationships. BULLSH1T You stated your spouse cheated on you (you stated this without providing any evidence), she was a grown woman then right? Can she have male friends and do as she pleases without you thinking the worst? If not... STOP, you just got check mated dude!
Dude, either have your wife there or leave the female friends alone!
2007-01-12 02:44:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
WHY do you need other female friends? Is your wife not enough?
I have a partner that i have been with for 4 years and it seems he cannot exist without having other women in his life (although he hates me having contact with other men!)- and they always have to be secret as well. It starts with a few emails, then secret texts and then secret meetings that look on the surface perfectly innocent- but the pain for me is unbearable- and i spend the whole of my time wondering what he's upto and its making my life miserable. If you love each other and are enough for each other you don't need friends of the opposite sex. Theres no need to hurt the one you love. And how do your women friends see it? We love a bit of flattery and attention from a man- whoever he is! Your wife knows this.
2007-01-12 04:02:18 · answer #7 · answered by Ellie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who cheat on spouses often are very insecure about being cheated on themselves. In other words, they feel the need to "beat you to the punch," so to speak. Therefore, your cheating wife is probably too insecure for you to have female friends. If the situation were different, I would probably recommend that you ditch as many of the female friends as possible--for your wife's sake. But she cheated on you!! Why are you even with her??!!??
2007-01-12 03:57:39 · answer #8 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like shes feeling insecure and maybe her imagination is running a bit wild and she thinks that you'll maybe try and get your own back on her, even if you dont, its hard to think rationally if you're feelin this way.
As long as you dont spend alot of time alone with a female friend, one in particular, or go out with them alot i dont see a problem. Maybe your wife should meet them and if it still makes her unhappy then you decide which is more important to you, female friends or your marriage ?
2007-01-12 02:50:25 · answer #9 · answered by Chick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how your wife feels.Firstly you should emphasise to her that you have truly forgiven her and that you will never go back on your word.
Secondly from my own experience if my husband cannot or will not include or introduce me to his female friends then as with anybody else I will get suspicious and something is not quite right in that relationship.In fact my hubby cheated on me with them all except the ones who I personally knew.
Continue to reassure her by including her and never bring up her past.As with a lot of females these days having as many sexually relationships/one night stands even with "friends"seems to be the norm.
2007-01-13 00:50:48 · answer #10 · answered by JUSEve 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a feeling of jealousy and insecurity. She probably feels because she cheated it give you an excuse to... and I think subconsciously or consciously you are mentally punishing your wife for her mistake, by having female friends. Even if you think your trying to prove that you are still faithful having female friends, i think in a sick way that is still mental torture. If you have truly forgiven her, then quit your female friend and spend more time with being friends with your wife.
2007-01-12 02:51:34 · answer #11 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋