I feel guilty....... I can't believe it was me!?

Question

My brother's throat hurts, I have strep. I FEEL GUILTY. I am like TYPHOID MARY....accept i know i have the desease...... Can you guys make me feel better by telling me a joke?

Answer 1

Glad to help.

Did you see this obituary?
Please join in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated
pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough and his father Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes

Answer 2

OMG strep sucks.. :( I am not sure that jokes will do anything.. but here goes it. :)

There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.
He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.

The cat starts to stumble on home. As the cat comes to the train tracks, he doesn't notice a train coming down the tracks.

As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned it's head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.

The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!

Answer 3

A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang.

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of More holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up playing all eighteen of course, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock' care. And you'll be her care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed. The doctor snickered and said, "Hey I'm just messing with ya. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

Answer 4

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

Answer 5

just a germ and they spread Dont worry
avon lady gets into an elevator...she passes gas
she sprays her pine air freshener
a guy gets on at the next floor He says he smells something
She says what does it smell like?" He says like someone crapped unders a Christmas tree...

Answer 6

well, you will laugh at this years down the road,which is a good thing,as long as your brother lives through it, I have heard that strep is getting more dangerous and stronger

Answer 7

Two buddies, Joe and Mike, are getting very drunk at a bar when
suddenly Mike throws up all over himself
..
"Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!"

Joe says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket,
tell her that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Mike rolls into home and Jane starts to give him a bad time.

"You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God,
you're disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Mike says, "Nowainaminit,
I can e'splain everythin! Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks.
But thiss other guy got ssick on me... he had one too many and he
juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie
bucks for the cleaning bill!"

Jane looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks."

"Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he crapppped in my pants, too|"

Answer 8

There are ENDLESS amounts of viruses and germs in the air. THink of it this way. . .by him catching strep -- IF he did in fact get it from YOU -- you've saved him the trouble of some other terrible sickness. :)

It can always be worse!

Answer 9

If you like this it is OK, otherwise, please forget it... No more action

Morris came home and found his wife Sadie crying.
She said, "I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you''re having
an affair with your secretary. Why would you do that to me?
I''ve always been a good wife. I''ve cooked for you, raised
your children, and have always been by your side for 35
years. What haven''t I done to make you happy?"
Morris replied, "It''s true, Sadie, you''ve been the best
wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but
one. You never moan when we have sex."
Sadie said, "If I moaned when we have sex, would you stop
running around? All right, come to the bedroom so I can show
you that I can moan during sex."
They went to the bedroom, got undressed, and jumped into
bed.
As they started kissing, Sadie said, "Now, Morris? Should I
moan now?"
He said, "No, not yet."
He started to fondle her and she said, "What about now?
Should I moan now?"
He said, "No, I''ll tell you when."
He climbed on top of her and started to move on her.
She said, "Is it time for me to moan now, Morris?"
He said, "Wait, wait, I''ll tell you when."
A few minutes later, just seconds before he was going to
finish, he said "Now, Sadie. Moan! Moan!"
She said, "Oy, you wouldn''t believe what a day I had..."

Answer 10

there was a man who decided to travel from Zimbabwe to USA.
he sat by a white lady and pretended he hears English very well.
when it was dinner time,the airhoster asked the white lady what kind of food she will prefer,she answered "its OK"
he then asked the man from Zimbabwe the kind of food he prefers,he also replied its OK (thinking its OK is a kind of food)
when everybody was eating,the guy was hungry and so he went to the airhoster of his food .and the airhoster replied"u asked for its OK and what do u want Ur food for" and as if the passengers where paid to laugh they laughed till the plane collapsed