This is my second marriage and my wife’s first. She’s been engaged twice before but cut it off right before the marriages. She has a kid with another man and I have two from my first marriage (which lasted 10 years). I only see my kids twice a week and she is so jealous that when they’re there I like to spend time with them. She goes off and tells me that all I care about are my kids when I help take care of her kid the rest of the time. She tells me that I’m still in love with my ex and all I want is to be with my ex. (never given her any indication of that). Then last night she said that I just use her to raise my kids and I don’t care about her and her daughter which I’ve spent half my savings on and have to drive her darn daughter to school every morning but it’s not good enough. Then she tells me she’s sick of me using her and that she has no feelings left and that she’s just going to take care of her and her daughter now. I asked her then when are we going to get a divorce? and she said, O we’re not were just going to live in this house because we’re in a committed relationship. What!!!!! I said eventually someone else will want to be with you and me to so why prolong this. I don’t want to see you with another man. She said O I won’t cheat and if that’s what you want to do go do it. What!!!! Then this morning after she basically said she hates me, I use her, I don’t care about her or her daughter she asked me to do her a favor….get this. She said could you have sex with me tonight? What!!??? I said why do you want to have sex with a man you hate? She said basically because we’re married so we both have needs. I told her I don’t want to have sex with someone that doesn’t like me and I have sex with people I love. What the hell is wrong with her? Then she called this morning and said she went jogging. I told her good for her (I’ve been encouraging it). She then said “I know you think I’m a fat cow”. What!!!???? Is there a psychological name for this kind of paranoia and craziness. What is wrong with her? She’s driving me insane. By the way, she says I need counseling not her.
2007-01-12 02:28:35 · 18 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The first thing that I think of when I read this is the kids. Do they have to hear all of this? Those poor kids have already suffered through previous divorces and broken families. This is emotionally damaging them... giving them the idea that love is something that never lasts. Tell your wife that if you want to argue, you both must do it in private and keep your voices down. Turn the TV on or something- or wait until the kids are gone, because they shouldn't have to hear it.
As for your wife, she sounds very insecure. Maybe she really does feel this way.... looking at it from a psycological view, some people have what we call "core beliefs." I've struggled with this myself, and have had to go through much therepy. For example, my core belief is that "I'm not wanted." So everytime my boyfriend would go down to his friend's I'd constantly think "I'm not wanted." Maybe her core beliefs about herself are similar to mine.
The both of you need counseling. I would seek marriage counseling. This could help a great deal. Suggest it gently, and if she is not willing to do it than ask her if she really wants to save this relationship. I wish the best of luck to the both of you. Email me if you need any further advice!
2007-01-12 02:39:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what form of child abuse did she suffer? She's got major problems and, by inference, so do you. Get yourself to a counselor, calm down and realize she's ill. You need to take care of YOU. To paraphrase an old saying, if daddy ain't happy, ain't nobody going to be happy. And it's very likely your wife isn't going to be happy and wouldn't be with the prince of peace himself. (This is the voice of experience writing this, BTW.) There isn't a whole lot you can do if she refuses conseling and doesn't recognize the dysfunction and craziness. At some point, you'll have to decide if the screwing you get is worth the screwing you take. Sorry to say that but it's the truth. When you get calmed down, try to figure out how your choice of a mate came such a cropper.
2007-01-12 10:39:11 · answer #2 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sex and the jogging, is her way of apologizing and showing that she does care for you. When women act like that they are either not getting enough attention, or they think you are cheating on them. Women are very very complicated trust me I am one. But if you love her then you two need to talk about what the real issue is. I do the same kind of thing with my husband sometimes and ussually when I am feeling insecure, or jealous, or unsatisfied with current happenings in the relationship. Try to talk to her, and see what's really going on, and remember what ever she tells you that is how she feels no matter if it makes sense to YOU or not. Good Luck!
2007-01-12 10:37:10 · answer #3 · answered by Tellina M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Their all nuts man. My ex was just like that. The one I'm with now is jealous of my ex and she lives 440 iles from me and her ex lives right next door and he's a good friend of mine. The whole world is screwed up so have the sex and don't give it another thought. You may as well get something out of the situation. Next month all this won't even be an issue.
2007-01-12 10:39:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as though your wife has walls built up all around her. If there is a battle she will not get hurt. She wants to be married to you but somehow must of got hurt really bad in her past. As far as the kids go she should be glad you are a good father to your kids and not worry about the ex. I think both of you need marriage councelling if you both are willing to work at this marriage. She also should get individual councelling because of her poor self asteem and her poor body image of herself.
2007-01-12 11:41:55 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you still love her but if she doesn't agree to couples counseling then you don't see a point.
But as a safety net since she is acting all crazy see a lawyer first to protect yourself.
>>>>
If the counseling idea does not float then just cut your losses you can not make a marriage work by yourself.
And seems she is the one using you if she means what she says and not just lashing out then she is just wanting a place to live and her bills paid.
2007-01-12 10:56:42 · answer #6 · answered by southernbell_1313 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are insane. Why, How did you find this woman and why are still with her? You speak of her daughter as if she bothers you and not a daughter to you. Get a grip maybe you married for all the wrong reasons. Your wife needs help too real help. Get her some.
2007-01-12 10:44:44 · answer #7 · answered by LOLO W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate when things like that happen. There are a lot of wackos in this world and it sounds to me like you married one of them. I say, get a lawyer and leave her @ss. The two of you do not have any children together, so get out while you can.
2007-01-12 11:02:48 · answer #8 · answered by Nobody Special 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her about going to a marriage counsler, because you want to fix things. then set up a joint counsling and individual meetings as well. maybe you'll luck out and her session will show the shrink how nuts she is and maybe prescribe some meds.
how long have you been married? how long did you know each other beforehand?
2007-01-12 10:34:36 · answer #9 · answered by mickey g 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say you need to leave her. Someone that bad is not going to change and it sounds like it will get worse.you seem to be a good man who takes care of his kids and you can find someone better.
2007-01-12 10:34:48 · answer #10 · answered by honestanswer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋