should she forgive me for kissing another woman ?

Question

it was new year when i kissed another woman on the lips in our local pub , happy new year i said to this woman as i kissed her quick , like a peck on the cheek as they do in france but i got her on the mouth , my wife was watching , later into the night i was dancing with this woman and got very drunk and happy and had fun.... then she started bad mouthing my wife with shouting obsenities and insults, my wife broke into tears and ran off somewhere , dissapeared , its a long story but she is still giving me a hard time about it today , a thousand apologies dont seem to be good enough for her , i really hurt her and will let her read this later..... what is your advice on how we should deal with this ?

25 answers so far that all make me feel worse ;(. . . .. i was not there when she was shouting insults at my wife because if i was i know i would have instantly put a stop to it , my wife was dancing with lots of people too , i am not trying to make excuses i know what i did was drunkenly wrong and neither of us have ever done anything like it in our 6 years together, she keeps bringing her name up every day and giving me such a hard time about it no matter how sorry i am to her , yesterday i said i want to go to the pub and she blurts out , "what !! to see her !!!????" .... its every day now and it is really starting to annoy me now.... i cant take this stress much more..... how can she listen to me and move on :(... . . .. .

Answer 1

The kiss seems innocent enough.

The dancing is okay.

I understand that you weren't there when the woman was being ugly to your wife.

What I don't understand is why your wife is still giving you a hard time.

Answer 2

Well it has only been 19 days since that big sorry event and it was all pretty insulting to your wife. I suggest you stay away from that pub. I would have grave doubts about you as well. Why was that particular drunken woman who you singled out to dance with yelling obscenities at your wife??? I never heard of such a thing...so it sounds like you are not so innocent as you make it sound. A wife in doubt is a wife in doubt...you brought this on yourself and compounded it by wanting to return to the scene of the crime. That doesn't sound like a sincere apology to me. Frankly I don't think you have a clue to the severity of your crime nor really love you wife the way a husband should. Your a big disappointment and that is what is upsetting her more than anything else. You did the crime, so do the time and stop whinning about it. Your shallowness is blantantly apparent and that is not a good place for you to be.

Answer 3

I once cheated on a man and I did much more worst than what you did. This man could not forgive me, he kept doing what your wife is now doing. You have two options: leave or stay.

If you decide to stay, you need to sit down with her and thoroughly talk it through. No screaming and leaving, strictly talk. If that doesn't work, then you both need marriage counseling, bringing in a third always helps because they are able to see from both sides and point out wrongs and rights from each of you.

Although I disagree with what you did, I can say, at least you didn't go too far. And I do find it unfair that your wife is treating you in such a manner. You cannot persecute someone over and over. I firgure if you can't forgive a person then what's the use of staying, the two of you will just be miserable for the rest of your lives.

Good Luck! =)

Answer 4

I guess l would forgive a New Years Eve kiss but on the lips was probably a bit too much !! The fact that you danced and had fun with this other woman while your wife looked on was a bit mean also. You should have been paying more attention to your wife. When she started bad mouthing your wife you should have told her to get lost and stop the crap !! I hope you went after your wife when she left in tears ?? If you didn't l can honestly sympathise with your wife and can understand why she would be so annoyed with you. You better keep apologising and promise her that it will never happen again and mean it. Maybe then when the hurt subsides she may forgive your silly mistake. Best of luck to you in sorting out this mess !! ps My husband and l both kiss lots of people on New Years Eve every year but on the lips is reserved for our mouths only, everyone else gets a peck on the cheek !!

Answer 5

If she was a total stranger then I understand why your wife is pist off. Kissing a stranger on New Years was a terrible thing to do, you had seen that that had up-set your wife, but instead of keeping your distance from this woman,and knowing that you had already up-set your wife by giving this woman a kiss. You turn around and dance with her as well? That only made your wife even more pist-off at you! You might not have meant to but you were totally belittling your wife. And that lady seen that you were disrespecting & belittling her so she felt that she should join in as well. She thought that since you were being like that towards your wife then you must have some type of interest in her. Really you never should have given her a kiss in the first place. Now if she is a friend of both of yours I can most certainly understand why your wife was so up-set. And the reason for that would be that she was not only disrespected by her husband but also her friend as well. And that would be very hard to accept. You need to talk with her and explain to her that you did not mean to disrespect her and if you truly mean this then you should let her know that she is the only one that you love,adore, respect, trust, and honestly want to be with for all of eternity!
Good Luck
&
God Bless You Both!

Answer 6

The kiss at new years was one thing, but u shouldnt have been dancing with this same woman later, that is where u made your biggest mistake. As far as this woman screaming at your wife I can only hope that u stuck up for your wife at that time. All the sorry's in the world are not going to help, the only thing that does is time. All u can do is learn from this night and the mistakes made and not repeat them. Actions speak much louder than words. Show your wife how special she is and that no other woman matters to u, in time she will see that this is true. If your wife is reading this I would like to say to her to let go of that night and not hang on to those feelings. Start a new year with a clean slate and know that your husband is sorry and can't take it back but can only show u how he has changed for the future. Good luck to both of u.

Answer 7

.Being New Years Eve I'm sure you noticed the time. I would want my man to love and respect me enough to be with me at that exciting second.Just the fact that he didn't want to be with me for that kiss would hurt me.Then to add insult to injury you danced with the same woman.Did you try to find your wife when she disappeared or did you keep on having a good old drunken time? This is going to take a lot of time for her to get over and saying I'm sorry is too easily rolled off the tongue. You have to show her and wait. And for goodness sake's DON'T go back to the pub. What if that woman is there and you're wife walked in? It's been less than a month. If you really love your wife, she's worth waiting for. If this issue doesn't seem to be getting any better then go to counseling. It will make her feel better knowing that you think she is worth the effort and expense.Good luck to you both.

Answer 8

Annoy you!! How would you have felt if this was done to you and she said that she wants to go back to the pub? Could you have brushed it off so lightly? Stay away from pubs for a while and she'll eventually let this go but going back right now is like pouring salt in the wound. That kind of hurt takes time to heal. Surely both of you kind hang out at some different place for a little while and enjoy each other and that will also give her time to get past it. She has to let it go too and stop throwing it up or ya'll may not get past it. Good Luck.

Answer 9

I would show her you are sorry (not just say it). Maybe do something extra special for her AND buy her a dozen red roses. If you have trust in your marriage, she will forgive you eventually, but she is very hurt. Here are the reasons why: Its NOT just about the kiss - you were dancing with another woman and obviously enjoying it. A stranger witnessing this situation may not have even realized you were married - it would appear to any one watching that you were flirting. That is especially degrading to your spouse, b/c it makes her feel disrespected - in public - with other friends watching - that EMBARASSED her. Your wife wants to be your "special" person. She should have been the ONLY one you kissed. Also...French men are notorious for cheating, so I certainly would NOT copy their habits. No matter how "innocent" you think this was, it doesn't seem that way to your wife or to others to saw this. Appearances do matter. Your reputation is one of the only things we truly have in the world, don't smudge it over some women in a bar. Your behaviour needs to ALWAYS take your spouse in to consideration once your married. This is a big deal, so apologize a LOT. Don't try to minimize your actions as "not a big deal". It was to your wife. Don't do things that can ruin your reputation.

Answer 10

Your not going to want to hear this, but I understand your wife's stress over this. If it happened to me I don't know if I could let it go. There is an old saying " A woman may forgive, but she will never forget." The best advice is for you to seek marriage counselling. Your wife has to figure out if she can look past this and move towards your future, and you need to stop using "I was drunk..." as an excuse. Instead of being annoyed with her reaction you need to try to imagine the shoe was on the other foot. How would you have felt? If you do not get couples counselling this will destroy your marriage. Good Luck.

Answer 11

At this present time your wife has every right to be angry and hurt,this you already know.At the moment any attempt at an apology will fall on deaf ears so other then begging for forgiveness you might as well wait until she has calmed down.What i would like to know is what happened after your wife ran away when this woman began insulting her?Did you run after her,tell this woman to shut up or did you do nothing?If it was the first one then at least you ran after her,if it was the second one then tell your wife you stayed there to defend her but if it was the last one then no wonder your wife is ignoring you.Maybe you and your wife need to sit down and talk,start by saying that you had too much to drink emotions running high as seeing in new year and it was meant to be peck on cheek but she moved her head but no excuse and that you never meant to hurt or disappoint your wife..........good luck.