2007-01-12 02:07:36 · 9 answers · asked by neutral 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Over the span of 27 you build alot of memories (good and bad), you get to know each other very well and develop strong emotions for one another (again, good & bad). Leaving a marriage after this amount of time had to be a difficult decision and there were probably strong emotions tied to the decsion. The reason is probably the same reasons that led to the divorce.
2007-01-12 02:37:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Excuss me if I seem a little sacastic, that is not my intension.
Could it be that your have regrets on the subject of divorce and you can't face each other?
My advice, face the issues.
You ran once, and got divorced.
Not being able to be in the same room together means you are hidding some issues or feelings.
Are you affraid that if you face the initial issues that you might actually get along or even get back together?
Don't be affraid to admit your mistakes. You lasted 27 years together, there's something that caused that, so why are you hidding from it now.
Grow up and face it.
Quit acting like children. Or actually, maybe you should act like children. Kids get into a fight one day, and the next, they act like nothing happened. The don't hold a grudge.
Use your experiences to your advantage.
I know what I'm talking about.
I divorced my husband for all the wrong reasons.
We couldn't stand to be in the same town together, much less the same room.
For the last year and a half, we have not only started working on our problems (mainly mine), but we have been living together and sleeping together.
I'm happier than I have ever been.
Re-evaluate your marraige and divorce.
Why did you get married?
Why did you get divorced?
Be honest !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-12 02:44:51 · answer #2 · answered by freakyforjesus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Different things are "filed" differently in the brain. Trauma, unfortunately, is filed in such a way that we remember it as having happened recently - regardless of how long ago it happened.
The reason is because, in order to survive, we need to recall trauma with clarity and immediacy to avoid it. In the day of the cave man, this was great. "I'm gonna skip those berries and it's not a good idea to try and pet a tiger."
However, in our modern day world, the stress of divorce is right up there as one of the most traumatic things we can go through. So, we see the ex and if the divorce caused us a great deal of pain we go right to wanting to avoid that person like poisoned berries.
After 27 years, too, we feel that person knows us the best and if they left...finish the sentence - but you get the idea. It's pretty scary.
I've heard something about the EMDR and EFT techniques helping with this in some cases but it's a good idea to speak with a professional to make sure it's a good fit before jumping into it. My understanding is that it can help people "file" things differently in their brains so that they still remember the event, but it doesn't have the same emotional charge.
2007-01-12 02:28:20 · answer #3 · answered by Shrieking Panda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been divorced for 11 years after a 28 year marriage to the same man.
For me and my ex, it is a question of broken trust. I can not believe anything he says and he feels the same about me. Therefore, we don't want to say anything in front of each other, fearing that the other one will use it against us or misquote what we said or whatever. We don't even talk on the phone unless it is necessary.
Also, we have a history that we would rather forget (for the most part), but of course that isn't going to happen. When I look at him I remember intimate moments that are like nightmares now rather than 'warm fuzzies'. I suppose some couples can divorce without these 'hangups', but not me and my ex.
Better luck to you (or whoever you are refering to).
2007-01-12 02:17:14 · answer #4 · answered by Puzzler 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I were married for 30 years when he divorced me...it has been less than 2 years since the divorce was final. At this point, I have yet to see him face to face again. Sometimes I wonder how I will act when the inevitable happens......I would like to believe that I am mature enough to handle it, but emotions have a funny way of coming through. I don't hate him, but I certainly don't like him....
I guess, in the end, avoidance is better than making a big scene.
2007-01-12 03:10:53 · answer #5 · answered by SUSAN N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you are shame!
or maybe you 2 know each other soo good that you want to forget, and to get over it, this may be happened because of ending the relationship not good, with fight...
2007-01-12 02:16:10 · answer #6 · answered by parazita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Familiarity breeds contempt?
2007-01-12 02:15:06 · answer #7 · answered by edge 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They hated who they were when they were with the other person and don't ever want to feel like that person again.
2007-01-12 02:16:18 · answer #8 · answered by Barrett G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the hurt feelings are deeper
2007-01-12 02:15:46 · answer #9 · answered by professorminh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋