Is it unreasonable to ask my 16yr old to stay home 2nights a week??

Question

My 16yr old son is a busy boy. He works till 6, comes home and doesn't want dinner, then goes out till curfew, then comes home and thinks he can eat. I think he should stay home at least 2 nights a week (to hang with the fam and his lil bro). So is this to much to ask? My hubby thinks I should just let him go and be a teenager.


HELP!!!!!!

Answer 1

Well, 16 is a strange age. Can you do something together as a family that he enjoys ? Maybe make a family night out of a movie that he really likes - let him pick the activity.

Do not push it though, just let him know that you would love to have some time together with him, as a family, doing his favorite activity. Is he into sports ? Maybe if he is playing, you all can go and cheer for him.

Go at his pace, teenagers need to figure their own stuff out, so do not push it.

Answer 2

It's not too much to ask! Reading your question, and looking at the answers, I agree with the comments about "who's in charge here." But no one addressed a deeper issue: You and your hubby are way far apart on your thoughts about the reasonableness of his staying out 7 nights a week. Until the two of you present a united front, your son is going to drive a tractor trailer through the wedge that is open for him.

I worked every day after school when I was 14 thru 16, and as the oldest of three raised by a mostly single mom, contributed token payment to the family coffers. That gave me some room for negotiation when things like bedtimes, curfews, etc., came up. But you're within your parental right (no, duty!) to expect some quality family time. Does he go to school? At 16, if not why not? Regarding him coming home late and expecting diner, my mom had a policy - dinner is at six, if I was not there, I was on my own, and there may or may not be leftovers for me to fix.

At 16, he *is* exercising his wings and establishing his independence. But if he thinks at 20 or 30 or 40 or 50 that he'll be able to come and go as he pleases and have everyone at his beck and call, he'll be in for a rude awakening. Best he learn the realities of life right now.

Good luck, you need to reprioritize the thoughs of both your 16y.o. son AND your hubby.

Answer 3

No, you aren't asking too much, but you should be telling, not asking. I grew up having to ask for all my privileges and freedoms and my kids have all had to to the same. It teaches responsibility and accountability which is almost unheard of these days. While kids need to learn how to make proper decisions, they are still kids and shouldn't just do as they please. He sounds like a good kid, but he does need to spend family time. I see schools treating teens like mini college students instead of the kids in transition that they really are. I also see that this lack of connection with family causes some feelings of frustration(they will never admit that though). Most of the kids that get in trouble don't have good family connections. Even though they resist, it is a comfort zone for them. Hang in there. Sit him down and plan at least 2 nights a week to do activities together. Maybe you should all take turns picking the activity so you can learn about each other through the choices. I may be strict, but my kids always had to tell us where they were going, who they were with and they better be back by curfew. Have fun! Good luck!

Answer 4

Um, I was required to be home five nights a week (Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed, and Thurs) with the exception of having to work or there being a game or other activity I was involved in. My curfew during high school was midnight, no exceptions. One night I came home thirty minutes late to my father putting on his boots to come out searching for me.

There is no reason your son should be out every single night. He should be home, doing his homework and studying, eating dinner with the family, etc. What is he doing that is so important? All you're doing is allowing him the opportunity to make stupid decisions and get into trouble. But seriously, why did you allow this trend to start in the first place? He live at your house, eats your food, and thus, has to follow YOUR rules. You are the parent.

As for your hubby and you, you need to come to a decision TOGETHER about what is appropriate for your son. Hopefully your husband will listen to reason and understand that there really is no reason for your kid to be out prowling.

Hopefully his curfew isn't anything ridiculous... he should be home by 9 pm on school nights.

Answer 5

Well, I'm 17 and Im gone 7 nights a week usually. But because I have the freedom when they ask me to stay home for some reason i don't object. I have to stay home with the family every other Sunday for family time. I think he's fine, as long as he's no getting into trouble.

Answer 6

At 16, he shouldn't be only home 2 nights a week!!! and by the way...WHO is in charge here??? Sounds like HE is!
A 16 year old needs to learn to be independent, but in my opinion, staying out late 5 nights a week instead of being home with the family is out of the question!
just my opinion...I know everybody is different...but too many bad things happen to young kids staying out late all the time.

Answer 7

At 16, he shouldn't be only home 2 nights a week!!! and by the way...WHO is in charge here??? Sounds like HE is!
A 16 year old needs to learn to be independent, but in my opinion, staying out late 5 nights a week instead of being home with the family is out of the question!
just my opinion...I know everybody is different...but too many bad things happen to young kids staying out late all the time.

Answer 8

My sister is 16 and I am younger than her... She ALWAYS goes out too. And I feel horrible, cause like you said they just want to be around there friends. Thinks that familly is unusfull but if you try to make... I don't know... a family night! and on sunday stay home... NO you aren't asking for anything at all

Answer 9

If he helps pay the bills a little with his work money and follows your rules and curfews, then I have no problem with him doing what he's doing. But I would tell him to consider that he does have a little brother, and he looks up to him, spend some time with him but I wouldn't force him to spend time. If he's a good kid that doesn't just care for himself, then he'll probably at least spend 1 night a week with his bro.

Answer 10

Are you joking....you are his mom not his lodger. When my 18yr old daughter is home she is not even allowed to do that.
You should at least get him home for a family dinner EVERY night, so that you know he is eating properly for one and so that you can catch up on whats going on in his life.Does he not ever have to help out with chores or anything?
Well in short no I do not think it is unreasonable to ask him to stay home.