Why is it that I rely so much on honesty and openness to have happy relationships? Why do I have a diificult time remaining friends with people whom are not completely honest with me, or hold back the truth? I am embarrassed by this. It really affects my friendships. It's as if when I find them dishonest about one thing, I start wondering well....what else are they not being honest about? I don't think that I should be doing this. Is this healthy?
2007-01-11 23:33:11 · 9 answers · asked by dearreal 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Thank you for being so nice..this is a painful subject for me.
2007-01-12 09:12:55 · update #1
Surely you know you're 100% right in thinking the way you do and that you are way over their level of searching for true friends and honest people!! There's not a single thing wrong with you!!
Wish I knew you!! Good Luck!! @8=)
2007-01-12 00:21:42 · answer #1 · answered by Dovey 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suppose it depends on what they are being "dishonest" about.
Imagine you are a piece in a machine. Smooth, shiny, new. Your friend is another piece, and the two of you interact - the pieces rubbing up against one another. That could be a definition of honesty - nothing gets in the way of the two of you interacting.
But without some kind of oil, some kind of lubrication, you will quickly wear away at each other and end up damaging each other. Small lies - polite courtesies - those are the lubricants that let us get through each day smoothly and without unnecessary wear and tear.
Major items need to be truthfully aired and shared. Small thing? Usually not. Do you like my hair? What do you think of my new boyfriend? Do you want to go to this movie on Thursday? Those aren't the life and death issues that demand perfect honesty. I have a dear friend, and we have been friends for years. I cannot stand his wife. I have never said that to him, or indicated it in any way. I go to their house, I compliment her cooking, I am very polite and enthusiastic. He loves her - that is all that is important.
Emphasize the good things in your friends and celebrate that, and don't worry about the rest. No one is perfect and if you insist on perfection, you will end up all alone.
2007-01-12 07:46:37 · answer #2 · answered by Uncle John 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way I see it is, the universe was created by positives and negatives by design. In doing so, one must learn to grow through their choices in life. You cannot learn and grow in life's lessons with onesided situations. And how about if everyone where the same in every way, what's there to learn and appreciate and love? Negative situations are there to help you decide who you are going to be at that very moment, what would be your choice and how you would handle the situation. Why are humans so busy trying to possess things outside of themselves? Only thing you have the right to possess is your thoughts, feelings, choices, and how you will handle the choices your made/make. All else really isn't your's to keep but only to experience. If you really wanted people to be real and honest with you, then you must be real and honest about yourself. If people are not honest with you, chances are that there is an ounce that you are not honest with yourself. Reverse psychology reveals that people tell on themselves when they speak about others. Like reading an opened book. To judge someone is not honest if you are not judging yourself. So you must be able to start with your Self and be real and true all the time so that you can detect when others are not being real and true to you. Then it is your choice how you wanted to handle each one of them. But I think eventually, if you have not examined your SELF and stick to the kinds of treatments you allow and will not allow from anyone because you don't do it yourself, you will simply fall prey to this choice all over again. If you aren't aware of the millions of layers in life and variations and you just live on the surface (Society), it tends to prey on you. Life has a design that was not created for any one to take personal. It's not about you. It's about how you interact with life and all that is in it on the basis of love. Something so simplistic, yet so hard if you fear love. If someone is not telling you to truth, just know that about them but love them for who they are. People are so busy saying that they hate when others are dishonest. What happens if we love it. Perhaps people could change to be honest more.
AGAIN - How do you handle it? The choice is yours but guarantee that it would bother you alot less if you didn't worry about the illusions such as "their words" and love the person for the joys they bring. But you can't own the person and their actions. If you choose to try, then you will be very unhappy.
This is how I see it. I wanted to enlighten because people are becoming so hateful and greedy with things that they want to possess instead of taking ownership of only they can have. GOD made ALL. It was put here to be shared. If someone wanted to tell you a lie is only because they wanted too. How do you control the mind of someone else. All you control are your thoughts about what they told you and how you feel about it and how you're going to deal with it. Once you've made that decision, let it go. Life goes on - and you can too.
2007-01-12 13:53:22 · answer #3 · answered by rightbackatcha! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, unfortunately everyone lies, so you may have to cut some slack and allow for some dishonesty, i.e. , "Yes, that is a pretty dress." However, if the person has trouble with ever being honest then you're right to avoid a relationship with them.
2007-01-12 07:47:29 · answer #4 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the one thing in life I can't stand is someone that lies ! If someone is dishonest with me once I usually give them one more chance but if it happens again I don't want them in my life. And yes I think you are very healthy. Have a great day.
2007-01-12 07:46:18 · answer #5 · answered by snowflake 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely,You have keen foresight. I believe most all people use your technique as a measure for honestly. The People need more like you in politics. Hold onto your values and never sway.
Nothing wrong with what your doing.
2007-01-12 07:42:26 · answer #6 · answered by BONES 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you shouldn't be doing that. Look into your memory bank and try to understand where this is coming from. Maybe your dad lied to you about something and you never really forgave him for it. If it affects your your freindships so much you should probably get some professional help.
2007-01-12 07:44:13 · answer #7 · answered by kerfitz 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Quite contrary, you wouldn't be normal if you thought someone who lied to you once wouldn't lie to you again. The problem isn't you, its that you need to find better friends deserving of your time.
2007-01-12 07:47:17 · answer #8 · answered by Mensa Head 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
google search; borderline personality we're Never happy
2007-01-12 07:57:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋