2007-01-11 23:06:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Christmas
This is why I'm to become to the new Holiday icon for generations to come... at least until I quit caring.
1. I don't sneak into your house through the chimney. I smash through your living room wall like the Incredible Hulk.
2. I don't use elves to make toys. I use the souls of the damned. (they're cheaper and easier to replace)
3. I don't live at the North Pole. I own a converted Missle Silo in the American Mid-West.
4. I don't use a sleigh or reindeer. I travel in a fully restored 1969 Hemi Cuda pulled by the following: Stabby and Slicey, ninjas; Pillage and Plunder, pirates; Bruce and Chuck, angry drunken Lumberjacks; and couple of un-named Yaks.
5. I don't wear a fur trrimmed suit. I wear tailored black slacks, tailored green button up shirts, spit-shined Cochran II Field Boots, and a tie and a fedora stained with the blood of my enemies.
6. I don't mind if you forget to leave out milk and cookies. I'll just go into your kitchen and make a sandwich... and not clean up.
7. I don't have a "naughty/nice" list. I have a "Ladies to Shmooze/Dudes to Hi-five/People to Round House Kick" list. It's essentially the same list, but Santa never RHK'd anyone.
8. I don't smoke a pipe. I smoke illeaglly imprted Cuban Cigars, lit with $100 bills.
9. I don't advertise for Coca-Cola, much less drink it. Smirnoff, Cuervo, and Cap'n Morgan on the other hand...
10. I don't discriminate. I go to everyone's home, regardless of Creed, Color, or Religion. Nobody deserves to be without my Holiday Awesomeness.
2007-01-11 23:12:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. St Nicholas was a guy who gave out presents to kids every year at Christmas time in somewhere in Germany.
2. After he died, parents told There children of a cool guy named Santa Clause. They said he wears a GREEN suit, and Lives at the North Pole. At The North Pole he has a Toy Shop where Elves make Toys all year round. He also has a special list that he checks twice to figure out which kids have been Naughty, and which kids have been Nice. On Christmas Eve he Rides in a Flying Sleigh drawn by 8 Reindeer, filled with all the Toys the Elves made him. Then he goes to every house in the world and gives Nice kids Toys, and he gives Naughty kids Lumps of Coal.
3. Later on Santa changes his costume to red. He also gets married. And around the 1970s he hires a 9th reindeer named Rudolph. He also enjoys Milk and Cookies! Even though he's been eatin' them over 100 years.
That's just my little explanation, you can probably look up Santa Clause on Wikipedia.com
2007-01-13 14:45:57 · answer #2 · answered by XMA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Santa is known as Saint Nicholas. Santa is the remade version of a Norse god. Look online under the Pagan Holiday Yule, it will give you all the info you need.
2007-01-12 00:54:03 · answer #3 · answered by dcforensics51 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most all have a belief in Santa. History might say he came from Medevil Turkey. www.google.com might give you some more answers.
2007-01-15 01:37:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is an old,good-natured man,who brings toys for Cristmas.
2007-01-12 03:40:48 · answer #5 · answered by Plague_Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An old dude
2007-01-11 23:14:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
SATAN trying to take away the Glory from Jesus.
2007-01-11 23:15:56 · answer #7 · answered by BOO! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is it a lil' too later to be asking christmas questions?
2007-01-11 23:09:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a figment or ur imagination
2007-01-15 21:12:28 · answer #9 · answered by Sherona B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No body he is not real..
2007-01-12 08:53:36 · answer #10 · answered by JLH 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋