I just discovered my wife of 7 years was unfaithfull to me. Can there truely be forgiveness, can there truely be trust again? Everytime I close my eyes I see them together - will those deamons ever go away?
2007-01-11 22:34:38 · 18 answers · asked by firestormllc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to forgive her for yourself, not for her sake. As for the demons; you probably need to go see a couselor to help you with it. This is something for yourself and not for her. What she done has nothing to do with how you are, and what kind of person you are or anything. That was failure and weakness on her; and do not take ANY responsibility of it, no matter what she claims you did to make her do that. She done it totally on her own.
As far as her, you should tell her that you are working on it and that it will take a while. By no means let her think that your ok with it and that everything is just wonderful. She needs to own up to all this non-sense that she has brought into the relationship. She needs to understand that she is very lucky that you are willing to even consider saving the relationship and forgiving her to begin with.
2007-01-11 23:40:03 · answer #1 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes there can be forgiveness and trust again. It takes alot of time and alot depends on your wife. Is she truly sorry she did this or is she sorry she got caught? Is she willing to understand you're not going to get over this, forgive her, or forget in a week, a month, or maybe even a year? Is she willing to stand by you as you go through a whole range of emotions? The anger, sense of betrayal, and the sorrow are pretty powerful. Is she willing to let you question her every move and telephone conversation? The trust is gone and you will be suspicious of her for quite some time. If the answer to all of these questions is yes, then you have a fighting chance. Get some counselling and good luck sweetie. I'm sorry this happened.
2007-01-12 06:48:04 · answer #2 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming form a spouse..tht has been cheated on i can honestly say...its going to be along time before you can "fully trust" her again..if ever. YOU wonder how and when, where was i?, and why did they do it?. And when you do try to over look it, its always in the back. Even when you say we're moving forwad. Alot depends on how she approaches the situation as well. She's going ot have to answer the tuff (?)'s, and make sure tht you are the only man she wants in her life, and let you know it.
Im in a similar situation, except this happened to me years ago, and i still nott "over" it, and than it happened again last year. And i wonder to myself sould i leave and work on it like he wants too, or sould i see what life has to offer without him? These are some things you as an individual are going ot have to tackle, and let me tell you, you cant do it without God!!! Marriage is sacred, and the enemy wants to break it , and conquer whatever booty is left of it. so Pray and seek counseling, even tht cant resolve in you trusting her again, but it can help alot.
hope everything works out ok for the both of you
"live, love, laugh,have peace and joy"
May god be with you
2007-01-12 06:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by Beautynbeyond 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a lot of missing pieces to this question, however, I believe ultimately we accept and adjust - not "forgive/forget". People USUALLY do not go elsewhere for satisfaction unless they have been craving it for soooo long and the brain will subconsciously search out what we want. Whether it's good or bad for us. Here's what I think: Let go, just shut down for a while in regards to this relationship (whether you physically stay together during this time or not) but during this time look at yourself deeply and honestly. When you are ready to come clean with everything like your needs,.... see if you are still in love and go from there. What's the rush?
2007-01-12 07:51:32 · answer #4 · answered by peacegypsy@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in order to find forgiveness she has to be remorseful, and admit her actions hurt u, your self worth, and your marriage. the hurt will last for a time, can't be avoided. but as long as u refuse to forgive her, all this will remain. the past sometimes affects the present, maybe it would be good to get some therapy, as i do believe it helps us to work through things we are having problems with. helps to talk about it too, when we bring something out into the open it actually gets smaller. u need someone u can trust to talk to, someone u feel safe with. good luck
2007-01-12 08:00:40 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe people can forgive but never forgets, if you are pondering on this you, may not be able to forgive her.You will have to decide wether you want to stay married or get divorced. I feel that when someone cheats on their mate,they can't possibly love them.When someone truly loves their spouse they would never sleep with any other.When two people say i do that means commitment., to each other.
2007-01-12 06:51:42 · answer #6 · answered by Denny O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT. THAT'S THE ONLY THING I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FORGIVE! OR MAYBE I WILL FORGIVE, ALTHOUGH I WOULD KNOW THAT WHILE CHEATING ON MY MY HUSBAND WAS AWARE OF HOW MUCH HURT THAT WOULD CAUSE ME. THAT WOULD RUIN ME, THAT WILL DESTROY MY HEART AND FEELINGS DOR THIS PERSON. CHEATING IS SHOWING THAT YOU DON'T CARE FOR YOUR SPOUSE ANYMORE, AT LEAST NOT AS MUCH AS YOU DID BEFORE. IT'S SHOWING NO RESPECT. HOW CAN YOU FORGIVE IT THEN?? HOW CAN YOU FORGET IT? NO, YOU WILL NEVER, EVER FORGET IT. SO YOU BETTER THINK VERY WELL WOULD YOU BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH THAT PERSON WHO FORGOT YOU AND YOUR FEELING AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAD TOGETHER, ALL THE FEELINGS AND SPECIAL MOMENTS THAT YOU SHARED IN THOSE 7 YEARS. HE FORGOT ALL THAT, DECIDED THAT IT'S NOT SO IMPORTANT AND JUST HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE? MAYBE WAS MAKING THE SAME THINGS TO HIM AS SHE WAS DOING FOR YOU? SPEAKING THE SAME SWEET PASSIONATE WORDS? I THINK THAT CHEATING IS BETRAYING.
2007-01-12 06:46:14 · answer #7 · answered by Stella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bottom line is that there is always a reason why she cheated, if everything was fine and well then she wouldn't have done it.
But yeah you deserve better, would you cheat? If the answer is no then she should have known what she was gambling with, losing you.
The choice is yours, but make sure you dont keep getting hurt.
2007-01-12 07:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by Cyrill sneer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think so. Once the trust is lost, I'm not sure how it would ever come back. I would imagine the best thing to do would be to get a divorce.
2007-01-12 07:46:23 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear of your demise. Pray about it. Ask God to remove those demons from your heart and thoughts. As for her she needs to right on the other side of you on bending knee --thanking God that you didn't divorce her or put a foot in her butt. get maritual counseling if possible. Never hold a grudge--the grudge only seems to affect you and make YOU more untrusting and bitter. I do hope and pray for the best....Good Luck
2007-01-12 06:40:28 · answer #10 · answered by shonnie b 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋