I do not know how to deal with the situation. I think of suicide almost everyday, but then think of my kid and my other family members and what a shame and trouble it would be to them. Due to same reasons, i cannot think of a divorce too. Is this problem solvable. I would prefer answers from indians also expecting an answer that would conform to cultural aspects too. Is there a method to stop his ways and manners? The funny thing is sometimes he acts very lovingly when i also happen to forget all the bad things and go on excusing him only to go back to the same situation at a near occasion. I am 35 and I have been experiencing this since the age of 24. I feel it is affecting my health and even appearance, this whole mental trauma......i feel my tolerance is decreasing with my advancing age and i am afraid of the future,,,,and what impact it would have on my kid who witnesses everything. Could anybody help me to get rid of my confusion? is this repairable or not??????.........
2007-01-11 22:13:09 · 16 answers · asked by numnum 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm indian by blood but was born and raised in Singapore. Reading your story upsets me because I know this happens alot in our culture. Please don't think of suicide. Trust that you WILL be happy again some day. Everyone has problems, there's always a way to overcome obstacles and try to be happy again.
Consider this for awhile. You're a human being too with alot of love to give. Do you deserve this? Any abusive relationship is not healthy. I know of many women in your position. Going back to him and accepting him will be a vicious cycle. Sit down with him and really talk about how his behaviour is affecting you. If possible, see a marriage councellor. If all else fails, then you need to be strong and realise certain things. Sometimes in life, we blame ourselves for others' behaviours, for others' unhappiness. But there's only so much you can do. Sometimes in life, you really have to realise that we all have our own battles to fight. If this man really loved you, he would never treat you this way. He has issues he needs to solve himself. You mentioned this is affecting your health and even your appearance. You need to sit down and consider your options. Culture and society may be one issue, but happiness and self-well being is another. You're not living for others, you deserve to live a happy and healthy life. Happiness is a birthright. Consider all this and only you can make your decision on this. Good luck & God bless you always.
2007-01-11 22:37:13 · answer #1 · answered by Stranger In Paradise 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I frequently spend my half an hour to read this blog's posts daily along with a mug of coffee.
2016-08-14 07:47:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In America, if someone's sister or daughter is being abused by her husband, a "man to man" talk with the abuser by either a Father or a Brother or both, will usually end the abuse one way or another.
2007-01-11 22:19:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
my grandmother was born on a reservation so close enough.no one man or woman should be abused that is not what was intended for our lives.If you stay you could get hurt real bad at some point and then the abuse would naturally turn toward your children as abuser's are like that.best case is that your children are seeing this and most likely they to will grow up to have these type of relationships.either being abused or being the abuser.your husband is not going to change,love yourself and your children enough to get out while you still can.BE STRONG!!!!!!!!
2007-01-11 22:27:05 · answer #4 · answered by angel_ns_texas 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am an Indian woman and have seen this happen with my parents. She left him.
This is not acceptable in any culture and I don't think a "man to man" talk will help since most research has shown that confrontation by an outside party/friend leads to anger turned towards the victim. You need to confide in friends, talk about it in a public setting if possible and let him know that his actions are hurting you and if he cares he would change and will get professional help changing (counsellors, programs, there is a LOT out there) but number one: make sure you are SAFE and if you are not call a local women's shelter or the police.
To be honest, if your child sees this it IS considered grounds to call Children's Aid and THAT is unacceptable. For your child's well being I would leave and get the mental and professional help you require.
Good luck to you no matter what your decision
2007-01-11 22:29:57 · answer #5 · answered by ChiQuiBaby 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Screw what other people may think of divorce. They're not walking in your shoes. Divorce him and do not ever allow anyone to mistreat you again. Your health and well being depend on it.
2007-01-11 23:50:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray about the situation first. Consult with your parents about the situation. Consult with other friends and family. Then ask your husband to talk about your concerns and how you are feeling. Tell him of the suicidal thoughts you have been having...if all else fails...separate for awhile. Any relationship is repairble as long as you work at it and seek out professional help together. Good Luck!!!
2007-01-11 22:19:59 · answer #7 · answered by shonnie b 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am not Indian, but if u married ur husband through an arranged marriage u need to speak to ur parents and his to let them know how horrible he's been acting in front of the child and that u r concerned that the child may grow up as abusive to women as he is to u or as submissive as u have been a wife to him. The prime matter here is the child not u or him. If u cannot address ur husband in private without him showing a display of being "the man of the house" or the "Boss" then it is high time that u go to ur elders for advice. Because then they would either support ur decision to divorce or talk to him to start correcting his way cuz no daughter of mine should or will ever be subject to any kind of abuse by her husband I wouldn't allow such a thing and I'm sure that ur parents if they loved u even the smallest bit wouldn't want u to commit suicide or live so unhappily for their greediness in finding u a wealthy husband no matter what his nationality.
2007-01-11 22:25:31 · answer #8 · answered by papabeartex 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He treats you this way because your culture dictates that women are their husbands property. When he is loving and attentive, gently tell him that he hurt your feelings when he said some unkind things to you earlier. If he is any kind of man at all, he will listen. Suggest some alternatives to the insults. Tell him you love him, but you will not tolerate such abuse.
2007-01-11 22:21:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are 35 years old. Why are you afraid of divorce if there is no other solution to your problem? And, no, suicide is not an option. If you commit suicide, your children will be affected more than you can imagine........
2007-01-11 22:43:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get counselling. Spend time with friends often to build up your self esteem. Do the best that you can by your child. Take very good care of yourself and your child. Pray and you will find the strength to either leave or learn how to put your foot down. Is he an alcoholic? If so, then go to Ala-non. Do you drink with him? Then stop. Are there drugs? Then you quit them. See if not drinking or using will help. If that's not going on, then start going to worship, take your child. You need to strengthen yourself.
If your hubby objects to you finding strength, keep doing it even more. That is how you will find your way.
If he is hitting you. Get out! Do not pass go, do not get $200 bucks. Go ASAP with your child.
2007-01-11 22:23:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋