Everyone tells me I am a strong person?

Question

but I always seem to hit the self destruct button and get really very low before I can pull myself back again. I appear confident and 'together' but inside I sometimes feel a mess. I am single, have two wonderful teenage children that know my mind so very well and both care for me. I have good friends, true friends, am honest and loyal to those who care for me. Why do some people feel the need to 'play' with my emotions and leave me a wreck. I want to toughen up a little but do not want 'me' to change. Does this make any sense at all? Gently does it guys, I am a bit delicate you know.

Answer 1

OK. The confident part is the real you, and that goes along with your excellent children and friends.

Everybody suffers under the stress of life sometimes, and that's external, it's not you, it comes from outside.

I must admit you give a generalised "people" but I'd bet a few quid that it's not "people" but "person" (maybe two) that have been a problem. I win, don't I? :-)

Why do they do it? Because there are some people in the world who behave badly and will take advantage and hurt. They exist. It's not personal, they'll do it to anyone given half a chance.

More important is: How do you spot the bad guys (and girls)?

There is a thing called the "emotional tone scale" which ranges from good emotions at the top (like cheerfulness) to bad ones at the bottom (like apathy). Everyone moves about on this tone scale depending on how they happen to be feeling at the time -- we all get angry, we all get upset and so on. The thing is that each person also has an underlying emotional tone, and that is the key to your problem.

If you choose someone with a low underlying tone then you've got problems. An easy one to spot would be someone who is always angry but there are more subtle and well-hidden ones. Is the guy genuinely calm or is he permanently apathetic? (First would be good, the second would be bad -- he'd suck the life out of you.) What about the needy type, or the charmer who'll stick a knife in your back and so on.

Unless you're very lucky, and obviously you haven't been, you're going to run into them. There's some stuff about it here:

http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH4.HTM

Good luck

Answer 2

Well... I think "everyone" is right. After reading your experience about having two teenage children and being single... You must be really tough. If you aren't, you would have lost it a long time ago or you would have been depressed everyday. My advice would be: "Don't take everything seriously..." Life is like a wheel. Sometimes we are at the top having everything we want and we are happy... But most of the time we are at the bottom... We are struck by challenges and obstacles.. The key to surviving life is to always stay positive. Remember: "There is always something positive in things..." Just think of your two children... Be strong for them.. My mom is single now since my dad just died last November 21, 2006... We all cried so much... We loved our father... My point in stating that is "Don't be afraid to cry..." Crying is a therapy.. I helps you feel a whole lot better. If you feel really sad lock yourself up in a room or a bathroom and cry your heart out... Then after that, you'll feel better. I do this everytime I miss my dad... You should try it as well... Remember: "HAPPINESS is not just an emotion... It is a CHOICE..."

Answer 3

Honey you are everyones rock, you are holding up everyone else and their world and it gets so hard when there's no one to hold you up!! i know baby i've been there i know exactly what your going through!! you just keeping giving and giving until you fall in a heap and cant and dont want to give anymore. then you retreat for a couple of days til u pick yourself back up and then your back helping everyone else again. You see we all have an aura some just naturally shine more brightly than others, you sound like a strong positive person with a bright aura and subconciously people just flock to you to take the light and energy from it, this is always going to happen. So to stop yourself getting really low you need someone that has a strong aura of their own and will not take from you but lighten you up. You have been settling for second best in the love department these men have been takers and not givers so of course this cant last for you and karma will rip them away in some shape or form because they are not good enoungh for you, deep down you know this but it still hurts when they leave, anyone is better than being without a partner right? WRONG!! sit down write yourself a list of all the qualities you want in a man, from personality to looks and family values every single one dont miss anything and dont feel dumb for asking for it you DESERVE him!! then put a little star beside the things you are willing to compromise on (lets face it no-ones perfect) now i want you to read that list evrytime you get a love interest and compare him to your "ideal man" dont settle for second best and if the guy doesnt have everything you want then send him on his way and you will find in about two to three months you will have found mr not mr wrong!! A positive man that can feed your energies so you can keep putting your bright positive light out into the world!!

Answer 4

Are you talking about men 'playing' with you or people in general?

You sound like a very beautiful person and seem to understand a lot about yourself and that is a very good level to be on, the only thing is understanding the rest.

I believe its good to be good. If that is you, don't change. However there are certain tactics you need to adopt for your own self- preservation though. You need to try and raise awareness of recognising when you are being taken for a ride. A good marker would be when you start to feel something does not feel 'right'. If it does not feel right it isn't, plain and simple.

When you feel it's not right you have to withdraw, mentally, emotionally,, physically, etc. whatever the situation may be and tell the other person ("I am not going to deal with this right now I need to think", "I am going to take a moment to think, can I get bak to you?" etc....however you wish to put it ). On withdrawing you then need to evaluate or re-evaluate the situation and ask yourself honestly;

1. Do I "need" to go back in?
a) How would it affect me if I go back in on the same terms?
b) Is it worth it?
c) Do I love this person more than my sanity?

If after answering all the above questions your answer to c is yes, you need to work on your self confidence and recognise that you are not ready for anyone or any type of human relationship (male or female).

2. Would the situation benefit from me taking time out to think?
If yes, tell the other person. If they don't respect your right to think, ditch
them.

3. If you feel better, good for you. If you don't you have self esteem issues.

Stepping back takes practice is hard but you need to practice it. In time what you will find is an ability to look after your emotional self in a way that some of your nearest and dearest do not appreciate because you had always been 'available'.

Another thing is making sure you keep or have people around you that lift you out of your lull. They really are good people. If these are people you give to they are very valuable.

If you find it is working for you and upsetting others, you should learn not to care. If they love you enough, they will come to find that they cannot continue to 'leech' your love, kindness and consideration and still expect you to function or indeed still give. If they don't, ditch them, they do not deserve you.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like you're spreading yourself too thin and trying to please everyone else apart from yourself. Try putting yourself first for a change and saying 'no' once in a while. People can be a drain on you without realising they are doing it, especially if the person is seen as 'tough and 'together' - they don't always realise that underneath you're crying out for a little tlc yourself. You have to let them know what it's doing to you and help them to change how they treat you - it may be difficult at first, especially as you are their 'rock' - but for your own sake, you must do it. Best of luck, and be strong for yourself!!

Answer 6

Makes perfect sense to me, I am the same, just accept that you will hurt more than others and then move on. Sometimes I convince myself its not even worth trying - then I think 'oh what the hell' and try again. We live in hope and I don't want to stop trying at all - that would be bad.

Answer 7

I feel your pain. Been there done that. Whatever you do...Dont change. You sound like an amazing person. Just continue hiding your softness. People around you find strength in that. :)

Answer 8

yes i know what ur saying

dont let them hurt u

Answer 9

i love your way