My husband's cusin (who is 20yr's old) just had a baby. We thought that she would be a caring mother. We were all wrong. She shows no kind of affection towards the baby. She looks for any type of excuses to pass the baby around to us so that she doesn't have to be with her. I personally have three children myself. Us mother can tell easy if or when child is being rejected by thier mother or father. I try to comfront her about it and she denied it completely. She states that she is still adjusting to the baby.Come on, the baby is 2 month now. There are times that the baby could be screaming her lungs out and she shows no sympathy or effort on comforting the baby. It makes me very anxious to hear a baby cry for so long, without anyone to comfort her.( i hear it because she lives with me) I made a comment to her, that if she didn't want the baby to give her to me.She stated that she could not do that. What can I do ? I dont know what to do anymore. It hurts me so much.please give advise!!
2007-01-11 15:27:18 · 31 answers · asked by av 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
She might be suffering from postpartum depression, and both mother and child would benefit from some kind of help - whether it be a community support system, medical treatment, or mere education about postpartum. She may not know it; she may not want to know it, but for the sake of the child, something has to be done. Find someone who she really trusts that can talk with her... it seems time for an intervention. Good luck.
2007-01-11 15:37:22 · answer #1 · answered by trailangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can you not offer some of your experience to her and help her be a better mother with different approaches? It may seem like alot of work but there are the "baby blues" that can last for a while after birth. She may not even realize it herself. Sounds to me like you tried once or twice then said "if you don't want"...I know it's frustrating but there's more reward in helping than taking over in these situations. Maybe start asking her questions about things and say thats a good idea but try this maybe it might work....who knows but that seems sad to me. Tell her you'll give her breaks (all new mothers need that) but give time frames to. Set some boundaries for the home situation. She is young and may be a little afraid...but if you push too hard and lose her trust what's gonna happen? You will not get the baby out of spite or her own reasons. Gain her trust back and try everything you can. It's a choice but the baby needs it and is SO worth it!!! Good Luck and I am so sorry!
2007-01-11 15:36:27 · answer #2 · answered by ~Another Day~ 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your cousin has post partum depression. Try to convince her to go to the doctor. I couldn't show my youngest affection after I brought her home form the hospital. I would feed her, change her, bathe her, burp her but nothing more. I couldn't hold her unless I has to. My doctor put me on meds and after a few months my hormones were back in order. I still feel guilty for the way I felt after I gave birth. You could actually be making the situation worse with your cousin. Telling her that if she doesn't want the baby that she should give it to you only makes her feel like she's a terrible mother. Most women with PPD already feel that way. Those types of comments will make the situation worse before it gets better. So, just sit down and have a talk with her about scheduling an appointment with a physician.
2007-01-11 15:35:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely NOT call child services. I personally believe they do more harm than good, I wouldn't trust them to do the right thing. I do agree that it sounds like the mom could be struggling with post-partum depression. If she won't face that as a possibility, then an intervention by people who love and care about her is in order. It is VERY treatable.
In the meantime, this baby needs someone to step up and be a hero. Don't be afraid to care for this child, and give them what they need. No matter what's going on with the mother, this child doesn't deserve to suffer.
2007-01-11 16:01:38 · answer #4 · answered by dontchaknow? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very tough situation. Being so young, she probably still very selfish and self centered. I would just give her support,don't accuse her of anything. You dont know what is going on inside of her head. Give her time to adjust to being a mother. There is a chance she is depressed and unable to see the good in anything. And while she cant be there for her child,give that baby all the love you can give. No, she's not your legal responsibility but the child needs some kind of affection.
If it goes on too much longer however, you might want to think about contacting CPS. They have programs that can help her and maybe might hook her up with some kind of therapist. They might have the leverage to make her go as well.
Good luck!
2007-01-11 15:35:05 · answer #5 · answered by MichelleLynn 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It does sound like a bad case of post partum depression. If she is living with you, you need to go to her next checkup with her and talk to the doctor and tell them her symptoms. You may want to show her this website...www.postpartum.net. It is a support site for women who suffer from this type of depression. It is very important that she gets treatment before she hurts herself or the baby. If she was not a uncaring person before the baby was born, then your family should realize that something is wrong here and she is not just being a bad mother.
2007-01-11 15:50:22 · answer #6 · answered by Bandmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard but please try to be patient. She maybe suffering from postpartum depression. After the birth of my third child I wanted nothing to do with him. I thought it was because of the c-section or maybe because I had a hard pregnancy. I felt like I had failed as a new mother by not being able to deliver vaginally. We really don't know what the problems for her maybe. Maybe she can't come to grips with the fact that someone else is dependent on her it all could be overwhelming. Being a mom yourself please try to teach by leading. Ask her is it that she just needs help. She may not know how to ask for help. Lucky for her she and the baby has a family that is willing to help. I don't know what I would have done without my husband and family. Good Luck!!!!
2007-01-11 15:40:18 · answer #7 · answered by lifeisbeautiful 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your husbands cousin is depressed or has post partum depression. Which may require a doctor or phsycologist to help out. But you cant force her to do these things. She will have to do it by her own free will. Post partum is exactly what you stated "not wanting to have anything to do with the baby" Doesn't mean she doesn't love the baby she is just having issues adjusting or has so many emotions it could be overbearing. Try to get her professional help.
2007-01-11 15:32:54 · answer #8 · answered by jazz2moonbase2 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
the baby mom needs to have some time alone and she is in line for some serious counseling ----- you must figure out a way to get her to see a professional and talk thru her problem -- if she won't go then you have to blind side her with what her attitude is doing to your own family... you are very concerned ... that's obvious by the lenght of your questions for this problem and cry for help for your cousin ... if you can motivate her in some manner to accept and do proper baby care that would be best for all ... if not.. she needs to be medicated for post partum stress and symptoms... you cannot let her disrupt your family life..... church, doctor, child services_________ try it all and if you don't get good results for your cousin ... then decide that some real changes must take place... I'll pray for both of you .... wc
2007-01-11 15:43:54 · answer #9 · answered by XTX 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A new mom can suffer from post partem depression for 9 months after the birth or longer. She should get check out by her doctor so that she can get the proper medication to level her out. Your comments to her don't help her either, they can send her into an even further depression. These are signs of it. She may love her child but she doesn't know how to express it or is too sad to.
2007-01-11 15:33:16 · answer #10 · answered by WINGS 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋