How does a person not become so lazy?

Question

I have a young cousin about 19 years old and it is bothering my Aunt that he (My cousin) is so lazy. Is there a way she can help him to become more motivated? Any input on this is appreciated...Should she have him set goals and hold himself accountable to them?

Answer 1

Lazy is willpower sublimated by feelings. Start with communication. If he needs professional help, it is worth the family's time and money.
If this just happened, then he is paralyzed by fear now that he is out of school and an adult. Good luck.

Answer 2

There's one huge problem with this question-the wrong person is asking it. She cannot have him hold himself accountable to goals he sets, only he can do that. She could encourage him to set one small goal a day at first, and let him see how it feels to accomplish something. Or, she could ask herself why she is letting someone else's problem drive her crazy, if it is not affecting her in any material way. If it is, she could motivate him by withdrawing whatever support she is giving him that reinforces his laziness, which is truly an inappropriate dependence. Is she, for example, washing his clothes for him? If so, she should stop. If he is self-supporting in every way that is appropriate to his situation, then I'm afraid she is making a value judgment. For example, I am 36 and am temporarily living with my parents because the floor of my trailer collapsed when it flooded. I am not currently able to work, so there is no reason for me to get up at a set time. I go to bed at midnight, and get up around eight am. Sometimes I take a nap in the afternoons-there is a reason I cannot work, after all-I am having a flare up of the disease that has me on disability, cannot even work the amount I am allowed. I clean the house, buy my own food, mind my own business. But they make an issue of the hours I keep, saying I sleep all morning and do not keep reasonable hours and am lazy. Actually, I just happen not to be them. Sorry about their luck. She needs to make sure she isn't just failing to appreciate their differences. If he is truly inactive, and did not used to be, he may be depressed or have some other undiagnosed problem. But I have to reiterate: the wrong person is asking the question. He is an adult, so she has very little leverage to use in changing his behavior, and even less right. And it will not benefit their relationship for her to nag him about being lazy, nor is it likely to motivate him. She may just have to wait for the natural consequences to catch up to him-and try to refrain from rescuing him when they do. Unless, of course, it is not laziness but some problem with which he needs help, such as depression. Best of luck.

Answer 3

Maybe you could put him into a sport or hobby that he likes and if he does he'll probably want to be better at it and he'll get motivated. I think that the goals idea is a good way to motivate him too.

Answer 4

He is now an adult and can make his own decisions. She should tell him to get a job and as soon as he can pay rent, make him, otherwise he will be like this his whole life, and end up leaching off you when your aunt passes. True story!

Answer 5

Ask him what he enjoys doing and create a plan for him to do that. Also, music is a great motivator. You can also create some rewards for him, $$ is motivation for some.

Answer 6

Make him busy.
Give him jobs.
Encourage and motivate by working along with him.

Answer 7

She should tell him to start planning his career or just get a job because he can't stay there and do nothing anymore.

Answer 8

She should help him out the door. That should do it. At least she will feel better.