You are on a cruise with some friends and there is a murder!! Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 that...?

Question

includes these movie quotes? (The phrases cannot be restructured....AS IS. Okay, now have some fun.)
1. I know, I know. I already bought the earplugs.
2. I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6.
3. Yes, I'm a detective. They lowered the height requirement.
4. Claustrophia and a dead body - this is a neurotic's jackpot!
5. Yes, of course you woke us - not everyone is up at 1 AM watching the porn channel.
6. There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.

Answer 1

The cruise had been lovely up until that point, she reflected as she and her friends sat huddled in their cabin. Four days of fun and sun and all the food they could eat had ended abruptly with loud screaming from the cabin next door. They had joked about it at first, hearing all the screaming coming through their walls, prompting one of their friends to joke "I know, I know, I already bought the earplugs". After their laughter had died down, they realized that all of the commotion hadn't been two lovers at their peak of excitement, but rather, it had been the strangled cries of horror as the woman next door was being murdered. The loud knocking at their door had jolted them all, as she arose from her bed and quickly answered the door. There standing before her was a man that struck her immediately as resembling Danny DeVito. He noted her taking in the sight of him, no more than 5 feet tall, as he showed her his badge and announced "Yes, I'm a detective. They lowered the height requirement".

He entered the room after her proffered wave of the hand and set about his task of obtaining any information from the girls that he could gather. He informed them quickly that there had been a murder next door and asked them numerous questions about what they might have heard and seen. As the five of them crammed themselved onto the two small beds to discuss the situation, she thought to herself "Clautrophobia and a dead body - this is a neurotic's jackpot!" Stifling her urge to laugh out loud, she and her friend's listened patiently as the detective began his questioning. "I hope I didn't wake you up" he started as he took out his notepad from his inner jacket pocket. "Yes, of course you woke us - not everyone is up at 1 AM watching the porn channel" one of her friends retorted, prompting all of them to giggle a bit at the awkwardness of the situation. "Though it sounded like the two next door were" she added, holding her hand over her mouth to keep in the laughter. She had always had a morbid sort of sense of humor and it was at times like this that she tended to say the most absurd things. She supposed it was just her way of dealing with difficult situations.

After questioning the girls extensively, the detective stood and stated that they might be required to answer some additional questions in the morning, but in the meantime, to get some sleep and try not to worry. "Try not to worry" her friend cried out, startling them all. "OK, detective, I'll try not to worry about a crazed lunatic running around the ship randomly murdering people. Sure, pal, I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight now!". The detective, or "Danny" as she was already referring to him in her mind, got a bit defensive at her outburst and promptly replied "Hey, I didn't mean it like that. I'm the good guy here, there's nothing wrong with me." Her distraught friend glared at him briefly before saying "There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure". She choked on her own laughter then, snorting loudly much to her dismay. "Come on, Cindy" she said "he's clearly not the murderer and given that the matter is under investigation,I don't think it's wise to be threatening the poor man with a polo mallet".

The detective turned on his heels and left the room, but not before spitting out over his shoulder "Crazy loons", sending them all into hysterical laughter once again. After a restless night's sleep, they all awoke early and decided to go have some breakfast and see if they could learn anymore details of the previous night's events. They sat down at their table after heaping an enormous amount of food onto their plates. Cindy had piled all the usual breakfast items onto her plate and had included a large lobster on top of her pile of eggs and bacon. The girls looked quizzically at each other, wondering why in the world she had decided that her breakfast needed the addition of a large crustacean. She decided to ask Cindy about the lobster and after she did, Cindy merely looked at her, grabbed the lobster and after looking it dead in the eye, told it's lifeless body "I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10 and you got a 6" before breaking it's claw apart with her bare hands and diving into her meal.

Answer 2

I was asleep in the cabin when i heard someone banging on the door and yelling "ARE YOU SLEEP ! I open the door and there is this clown who says "im sorry did i wake you!" I tell him in an angry tone:"yes, of course you woke us - not everyone is up at 1 AM watching the porn channel." He says well i come to tell you that you need.. and he breaks off.. I say "need?, Oh know, I know. I already bought the earplugs." He gives me a crazy look and says "No, you need to come to the deck your friend has been killed!" As we run up the stairs i turn to my husband and say "I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6." "So if they are going to kill someone i guess it will be you, that sucks!"

The crew was up on the deck running around panicking as I think too myself : "There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure"! Finally we hear someone shouting out instructions as we get closer the person appears to be a child of some sort with a tacky police outfit on. we hear someone introduce him as Inspector Butts. Shocked that this kid was an inspector i asked him how did he get a badge he replied with an attitude : " Yes, I'm a detective. They lowered the height requirement." We talked over tea while my friend's corpse were strewn around the ship. I turned around to my husband and the in spector and said with a smirk"Claustrophia and a dead body - this is a neurotic's jackpot!"

Answer 3

"Did you hear that?" I said. My friend standing next to me screams, "I know, I know! I already bought the earplugs!"
As I rub ear to get the ringing out I say, "I swear I heard someone scream."
"...yeah! You sure did! Not like that time you dated that stripper! So, I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6!"
I blink in amusement and confusion. Just then there's a tugging at my pant leg. I look down expecting to see a small child. Instead, I see a badge larger than the bearers hand.
"What did you see here?" he asked with a grim tone in his voice.
I look at him in even more confusion. Before I could reply he says, "Yes, I'm a detective. They lowered the height requiement."
"I wasn't going to ask that," I snapped.
"But you were thinking it," he snapped right back.
Just then a deck hand comes by with a clearly shaken woman. Her eyes were wide as plates and all the blood had drained from her face. As they walked by the deck hand leans to us and whispers, "Claustrophobia and a dead body - this is a neurotic's jackpot!"
The detective looks to me and all I can do is shrug.
BANG!
A door slams open. A man wearing only pants, his hair is mangled, his eyes appear to be just getting used to the light.
The detective politely askes, "I'm sorry, sir, did we wake you?"
He looks at the detective with fire in his sleepy bloodshot eyes, "YES, of course you woke us - not everyone is up at 1 AM watching the porn channel!"
My friend exclaims with earplugs still firmly planted in his ears, "There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure!"
We all look at him, then look at eachother.
All we can do is shrug.

Answer 4

i was on a criuse and a murder happened?? guess who died??