have you ever had to cut 'toxic' 'friends' out of your life?

Question

I have those few friends who only contact me once a year or less. It upsets me because we had such a good relationship before moving, marriage, babies, etc... How did you deal with this loss of friendship? How did you let your 'friend' know that they didn't need to feel obligated to call for the one petty conversation a year?

i've tried contacting them. aparently i'm only allowed once a year, lol. i get no replies.

i used the word toxic because of the way they treat our friendship. i do try to maintain the friendship, but it feels like its only me trying. and they seem to give the cold sholder, and there isnt a true reason.

Answer 1

Life is about meetings and partings. There are so many reasons as to why people don't see each other anymore.

More than likely, everyone is at different stages of their lives (studies, carreer, marriages, family, etc.). For this reason, It's very hard to have the same relationship as before. It's not a betrayal; Everyone needs to move on to different things. For instance, are you still friends with your gradeschool classmates?

If they don't want to make the effort. Then it's time to move forward by making new friends that match your current lifestyle. It's obvious your old friends aren't interested in keeping the friendship close anymore. That doesn't mean you need to hate them. You guys had a good run, and you can look back at it with a smile. Everyone just wants to move on that's all.

Answer 2

First you're going to have to figure out how you can define your friends calling you, if infrequently, as toxic. Actually, it sounds like you're hurt and feeling snubbed and left behind. But that is how life often works, it's how life SHOULD often work. Friends who you socialized with on a frequent basis are not going to remain in one place, either physically or emotionally. Marriage, careers, babies, living elsewhere, take up a lot of time. Didn't your life change too? If it hasn't, it will. Please be glad that your friends still think enough about you to call you, even if it's once a year. I am still baffled as to why you want to be snotty about this. Shake up your life a little, have fun with new friends, but treasure the old ones too, even if you don't stay in touch often.
EDIT ADDITION: I read what you added, and I'm still going to say that they are not toxic because (it appears) they have pretty much moved on in their lives. BUT THEY STILL THINK OF YOU! What a great tribute to your friendship and how much they valued what you had. What would be toxic though, is trying to hang on to "what was" and when you can't have that, getting angry. I truly think you are hurt and lonely and sad. So, be hurt and lonely and sad. But translating these feelings into anger at "them" isn't going to make you feel better. Friendships sometimes just get put "on hold" while life gets in the way. Cherish what you had, enjoy the infrequent contacts of your old friends, have a ball with the frequent contacts of your new ones (until you move, get married, have a great career, or otherwise, move on).

Answer 3

I just carry on & dont worry about it,
(the phone rings)

hey how ya going,

yes good had a baby 6 months ago,


jeeze has it been that long since we spoke?


Yeah but now marriage & parenting are upon us life directs us to more important things like family values ect. A good friend doesnt let time interfere with a friendship.

I had a mate ring me up after not hearing from him in 4 years due to the family growth reason on both sides, its just apart of growing & maturing, except the fact that at least you are still being thought of as friends, not everyone can be your best friend.

As far as 'TOXIC', well I just say mate lets just let it go, if they bring you down or make you feel uncomfortable, put the phone down with a polite goodbye.

Answer 4

I went through something similar to you except my friends didnt move, get married or anything good at all. Instead I joined the military, got deployed and then after all that started going to one of the top schools in the country. They decided to keep working the same dead end jobs that they were working in school and do drugs. I just stop answering the phone when the call and when I come home to visit I do the best to stay away from any places were we might run into each other and after a while they stopped calling me. It might not be the nicest thing to do but it is the easiest thing on both of you to do.

Answer 5

I think I have cut all of my friends out for one reason or another. Its the close friend that I try and stay in contact with and recently I asked her why I always have to make the attempt to find her. I got a bad answer back.... but we talked about it and are moving forward. It is a friend I have had for 16 yrs.

It is hard not to have anyone there to go through troubling times.

I would just let the friendship fizzle out. Its not the nicest.

Answer 6

Well it's like this. Toxic friends is an oxy-moron. They can't be both toxic and your friend. They are one or the other. Once they cross the toxic line, you owe them no explanation. Just let them go. I can tell you still want them in your life. but poison corrupts. bad company corrupts good manor. don;t let people corrupt you. the fact that you realize that they aren't those ride or die friends, is the first step in cleansing yourself and starting over.

so what are you waiting for. Get off of yahoo answers and go make some new friends!!!!

Answer 7

It is hard, I hate to tell you; I have had to cut both once in awhile friends & truly toxic relationships. The best advice I can give is to stay active, make new friends, & try not to dwell on the loss of old friends. BTW, as long as there is no wrongdoing on their part the friendship may pick up again later! Just take it for what it is, & move forward.

Answer 8

I've had that happen. I wouldn't necessarily call them toxic though unless they were negative when they called.

Some of us just grew apart because of moving or babies. It was hard to accept at first but then I realized it was just a part of life. It was fun while it lasted. I don't hold any animosity towards them so I didn't tell them off or anything like that. It's rough but recognize just as they don't call you anymore, you don't call them either.

Answer 9

As much as it sucks, as we grow up, we grow apart. If you don´t want to talk to those people, then don´t answer the phone. You need to cut them out if they make you feel bad. You need to take care of yourself.

Answer 10

Yup.They are 'toxic' so they aren't friends.Change your phone numbers.Move on and make new friends.Loss of 'toxic' friends are better than not discovering better,new friends out there.
Be happy and don't stress yourself because of them! :)