My ex partner, left me just over a month ago (we lived together). I asked many times for 'no contact', but he seems to call, text, email, or come over (I'm still in the same -our- house) a lot.
He recently spent a couple of days/nights on the weekend, and now nothing from him in four days. I know I'm being ridiculous - I need some help from you all. He says things like he misses me, and that he thinks about getting back together, and in the next breath he says 'I think its the right thing to do' (breaking up). I'm extremely confused. He seems miserable, as am I - what can I do?
We met a couple of years ago at work, he left my work for a new job about five months ago, but has now moved in with a mutual male friend from our old work - someone I sit next to every day.
Please help me - I need to know what I can do here. Am I being daft for holding on? What the hell is his motivation for seeing me, etc. Please help - expecially guys - I'd like to know what you think.
2007-01-11 13:30:34 · 16 answers · asked by iliketorideigohago 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He definately doesn't have anyone else - that is not the reason he left. He said we have 'different expectations'. I might note that he is 25 and I'm 29 (we met when he was 22).
2007-01-11 13:49:41 · update #1
A relationship is like a habit and sometimes they are difficult to break. Even though he may want to be out of the relationship he still misses you and after all you were an important part of each others lives for a few years. He is miserable and that may not get better if you were to get back together. He is going through the grieving process of the end of a relationship and he is weaning himself away from you.
2007-01-11 13:34:41 · answer #1 · answered by Elle M 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is a dog. You need to take a deep breath and get a good grip on yourself. It is time for you to be the better person (for yourself, especially) and end this. He is jerking you around. Don't put up with any b.s. from this person any more. Don't answer his texts. If you can block his texts, email and get caller ID or use the answering machine to pick up...if you still pick up the phone with him on the other line...hang up. Don't talk to him...don't give him the time of day. You deserve better than letting yourself be played with like this.
Don't invite him in. Tell him you are expecting a guest and NO he cannot stay over...and don't be polite about it.
I realize that this is painful...but not having contact with this person is the only way that you will be able to move on. The person you sit next to every day is just the next poor sod that this guy is using. His dick is motivating him. Yes, you are being daft for holding on (aren't we all at times?). This is what I think.
2007-01-11 13:39:30 · answer #2 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie I know you asked for guys but, I just have to put my two cents in. He's playing head games with you. It's the old come here I want you, no I mean stay away. You will never be able to move on if you keep letting him do this to you. How can you not be confused when he keeps sending you mixed messages? I'm sorry you're so unhappy but, you need to make him stay away so you can get your head on straight. Yes it will be painful to finally let go, I'm not going to pretend it's an easy thing to do. The pain will be neverending if he keeps doing this to you. So you really need to make the move yourself and stop waiting for him to finally come to a decision he sticks with. I wish you all the best sweetie.
2007-01-11 13:42:28 · answer #3 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is straight and you aren't going to like it - sorry.
You are being used big time. He wants the excitement and conquest of someone knew, but until then he wants to keep what he knows. He misses you when there is nobody else in his bed. Then if there was someone else he would not contact you.
My advice is make it clear to him that he set sail down a one way street, there is no going back. We all unfortunately want what we can't have and don't want what we do have to some extent, I think he is a worst case scenario of this.
2007-01-11 13:36:35 · answer #4 · answered by teef_au 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Breaking up is always hard. He is probably trying to deal with it as best as he can and probably feels down and trying to put on a brave face. In fact he may well try to make you feel sorry for him so I think you should try keep reminding him of the no contact thing for a few weeks. If you keep seeing him but really want to split up, you are just prolonging the hurt you both feel.
2007-01-11 13:39:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people break up like 5 or 10 times before they really break up and it causes huge amounts of pain on both sides. If breaking up is what you want, focus on the goal and don't look back. There is more bad than good in thinking about him or returning his calls.
2007-01-11 13:33:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he hasn't made up his mind for sure, so he keeps in touch, but i do think he is with someone else, and just hasn't made up his mind about the other person yet. he is double minded, can't decide what he wants, which is sometimes worse than anything, cause your life is on hold, u don't know what to do, best to just ask him where his heart is at. he left u, so there may be another person u don't know about. don't hold on if he isn't planning to come back, or if he is with someone else. men say alot of things, that they may not even mean. he just isn't ready to end it yet with u, doesn't want to burn all of his bridges just yet, in case he wants to come back.
2007-01-11 13:48:21 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would lay it on the line, tell him that either you want to be with me or not. If he says no, then I would tell him to hit the door and don't come back or you'll put a restraining order on him. Don't let him mess with your emotions like that. Just a question, but are you guys still having sex when he comes around????? If you are, I would definitely STOP having sex with him.
2007-01-11 13:42:52 · answer #8 · answered by confused angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you broke up for a reason...let some time pass and see if oyu still feel the same way..but he may just want to keep you in case something doesnt work out with someone else..as a saftey net...
2007-01-11 13:36:30 · answer #9 · answered by Frank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to sit down with yourself and examine how you feel about him. Then you both need to sit down and discuss how you feel about each other. This game playing has got to stop it is getting you nowhere. If he doesn't want to be with you or you him it is time to take your power back and tell him to hit the road.
2007-01-11 13:34:34 · answer #10 · answered by queenmaeve172000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋