She wanted a home water birth, but ended up having an epidural and forceps delivery in hospital. She laboured with excruciating back labour (posterior baby) for about 7 hours, after 2 days of pre-labour. Her midwife was no help at all and went to have a nap for the majority of the time at home. (Midwife said she'd need to be rested for when she was really needed). So that left me and my friend's husband with her, and none of us had ever gone through anything like this before. We wanted to support her to stay at home if that's what she wanted, but were inexperienced and worried that she and the baby were in danger. In the end, the midwife came and suggested the hospital was necessary as my friend was only 5 cm dilated. Despite the epidural bringing great relief, the nurses etc being amazing, and a healthy baby girl coming out eventually, my friend is still worrying that she gave in to weakness and should have held on to birth naturally at home without intervention. What can I say?
2007-01-11 12:55:31 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Tell her to look into her beautiful baby girls face and tell her "she is the ONLY thing that matters now" .
I totally understand how she feels though..
I was into doing a natural birth (27yrs ago! ) and it didn't happen that way. I ended up with a C-section and also with the next two children.
For only a brief time did I feel like I failed-
it was the doctor who reminded me it is about the End result-and so that is what I did.
You sound like a very good friend...keep an eye on your friend-sounds like she holds herself to some high standards.
2007-01-11 13:06:56 · answer #1 · answered by oldmomfromportland 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar experience with the birth of my own child. I didn't plan a home birth, but I had hoped to have a natural birth (no meds, no epidural) in hospital. I ended up having an epidural and a c-section. Although you know that the most important thing is that you and your baby are healthy, and you know that you can't predict what will happen, it is still disappointing.
All you can really do is be there for her and remind her that she has a healthy beautiful baby, and that is all that matters in the end.
2007-01-11 13:01:41 · answer #2 · answered by karina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was in a very similar boat. i was hoping to give birth naturally with little or no drugs, then go home home soon after the birth. what ended up happening was my labour being induced (i was two weeks past due date), having to have epidural (not planned but required) then ending up having emergency c-section. afterwards i felt as if i had taken the easy way out and a bit sad as nothing had gone the way i had hope. but then i realised, that after it was all said and done, i have a happy, healthy baby boy and that is the most important thing - there was so much that could have gone wrong and bub made not have made it. i guess what i am trying to say is that the outcome is sometimes more important that the process and as long as mum and bub are fine, that is all that matters. reassure that she did the right thing and it all worked out for the best.
2007-01-11 22:22:29 · answer #3 · answered by Claire K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, things you do not expect to happen, happens when you give birth! I have heard about people getting induced for convenience. I never wanted to be induced! When I went to the doctor( at 38 weeks) he told me I had to be admitted to the hospital for an induction because, I had low potassium and hypertension. ( Before that I was completely normal...I don't know what happened!) I was like what? He said do you want a C-section or to be induced? My husband has his two daughter so I was all alone! I kept trying to delay the decision, then said induced.( it would allow some time) Well all in all, I had to be induced twice with the cervical and potosium( can't spell!) Anyways I had a 57 hour labor, and the epidural....didn't work for me. Point is, the baby is healthy. In the end that is what matters. It isn't about what went wrong, she did a great job. Giving birth is real hard.
2007-01-11 13:12:20 · answer #4 · answered by Brandy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I also had midwifes with the birth of my three children although I never had a home birth or an epideral I can relate because that was why I didn't get any drugs because I wanted to do it all natural. But unfortunately we never now what is ahead of us in these matters and it is definitely better to be safe than sorry. The miracle of life is so great that maybe you should reassure her that she did all she could and she has a beautiful baby girl and instead of thinking about the delivery she should enjoy the future she is going to have with that baby girl who is going to look up to her for everything.
2007-01-11 13:06:34 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer O 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A birth plan is only that- a plan. Sometimes we have to go off course to find what is really best. In the end it doesn't matter to the child if she was born at home or in a hospital- what matters is she was born healthy.
Your friend did the right thing by going against her own desires for the sake of her baby's health. As soon as she realizes that, she will be ok.
2007-01-11 13:00:14 · answer #6 · answered by iampatsajak 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I can sympathise with your friend at feeling like a "failure". I wanted everything to go how I wanted and in the end had to get a C Section. The only thing that you can do is just be there for her, let her cry it out. It took me a while to get over my daughters birth but now 2 years on it doesn't matter how she got out of me, she's out, she's healthy and just beautiful. I still feel that I would like to try again but then it's what our bodies do during childbirth, we can't plan these things and I think that birth plans should be banned, they hardly ever go to plan. Let our bodies do what they do during childbirth. You're friend will get over it in time, you are being an awesome friend just by caring enough now. The baby is safe now. Well done to you and well done to your friend.
2007-01-11 13:20:30 · answer #7 · answered by bec 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry if this sounds nasty but a think it shouldnt really matter where the baby was born so what she didnt get what she wanted or planned but the baby girl came out and they wernt in danger and thats is all that should matter maybe next time she could try and have a home birth if there is no complications
but u should just agree or just remind her on what she has she shouldnt have 2worry about anything else
congratulations to her
i mean am nearly 9weeks pregnant and i wouldnt care where my baby is born if its at home or in a hospital alongest its healthy and no problems afterward thats all that matters
2007-01-11 13:04:52 · answer #8 · answered by mummy of 2gorgeous boys 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife did the hospital but not the epidural. Only had pain medicine for two of three. Why is it so much healthier for the baby to be born at home anyway?
She was actually considering going against her midwife's directions?
2007-01-11 13:04:43 · answer #9 · answered by BigPappa 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would tell her to be glad she has that baby. I promise you when that baby gets older she will not care where she was born jusy that she had parents that loved her. I would also remind her that this midwife seemed like a hack. If she would have pushed to stay home the midwife could have taken another nap and her baby might have died. If she chooses to have another baby I would recommend another more reputable midwife.
2007-01-11 13:01:17 · answer #10 · answered by Catie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋