help revising my poem?

Question

please make any corrections necessary, or any words that might spice it up. keep in mind that each line is supposed to apply to both a reader AND a viking ship. Thanks!

As a reader I am like a viking ship
sailing through a sea of words.
Sometimes it gets rough and seems to engulf me,
but I always manage to steer out.
Though I usually like what I'm navigating,
The voyage is not always the most pleasing.
But it's never too late to change my endeavor
and set sail for a new horizon.

Answer 1

First, let me say that your poem is quite good. You might make some minor changes such as:

As a reader I feel I am a Viking ship
Sailing through a sea of words.
Sometimes the sea is rough and seems to engulf me,
Yet, always I manage to steer clear,
And, though I generally appreciate what I am navigating,
The voyage is not always so pleasant nor easy;
I can stay upon my difficult course,
But, it is never too late to change my endeavor
And set sail for a new horizon.

Answer 2

As a reader I am resembling a viking ship,
sailing through a sea of words.
Sometimes it gets jagged and seems to engulf me,
but I always manage to maneuver out.
Though I habitually like what I'm navigating,
The voyage is not always the most pleasurable.
But it's never too late to change my endeavor,
and set sail for a fresh horizon.

Answer 3

Nice images, nice thought. Now you need to think about meter. A poem should be like a song -- so many beats to the line.
For example;
As a reader, I become a viking ship
that sails among a sea of words.
They sometimes threaten to engulf
or overturn my fragile craft,
but images that challenge me
will feed my hungry soul.


-- Try playing with your lines, and see if you can find the
rhythm that turns prose into poetry. You've got a great beginning there, and the potential for wonderful images.

Answer 4

Nice!

I agree with the person who said you should work the meter; that will help it flow a little better and sound more "poetic."

Since you're using the metaphor of Viking ship, you might be interested to know that these ships were called "Drakkars."

Also, the Norse (the proper name of the people we tend to call "Vikings" today) had a strong poetic tradition based on "kennings". A kenning was a way to refer to something by metaphor - kind of like what your doing here, but not as "spelled out" as you're doing.

For instance, a river might be called a "swan road", a row of warriors lined up with shields might be called a "linden sail" (linden being the wood shields were made from), a poet might be called a "word weaver".

Just something I thought you might find fun to know. :)

Answer 5

I would change "pleasing" to "pleasant." It's a stronger word.
And "endeavor" seems a little forced. "Course" seems a better choice to me.

Other than that, this poem is wonderful! (The areas I pointed out are good, too, but revision is always a good thing!)

Answer 6

Nothing wrong with the way it is. Kinda nice I might add. Top marks from me

Answer 7

Very nice, I dont see anything that should be changed, keep up the good work.

Answer 8

good
theasaurus.com can help you pick better words if you find any too dull

Answer 9

ooooooooooooooo..... that's gooood

nice word selection